[kelceesmom]

Let's say your child is in his/her teenage years (15-17ish) and wanted you and their bmom/bparents to go on a vacation together would you be willing?

The hard part is you have only seen the bmom/bparents 2 times since your child was born. You have had minimal contact thru phone and email also. You really don't know these people. Would you be willing, for your child's sake to put your heart out their and spend a week with them?

[Fran27]

Depends... if you're going to be stuck together for a whole week, definitely not, if you'll just be around each other (but can have separate activities etc) maybe...

Of course it would depend on what the birthparents think too...

[Gwen72]

I would go on vacation with them. My best friend is adopted and she's afraid to search for her birthfamily because she doesn't want to be "disloyal" to her adoptive family or hurt her adoptive mom's feelings. I don't want my future child to feel like they have to choose between bmom or me. I hope to keep lines of communication open to prevent that from happening. If communication did break down or our child's bmom chooses a more closed adoption I would go on vacation with her for my child's sake and try to open or reopen those lines with her.

[Saya]

My instinct would be to find a way to make it work, if it's important to your kid. But I would certainly try for a long weekend rather then a full week the very first time you all get together, if at all possible (but that's because I'm a very private person who needs a little space). If it's going to be a full week, is there a way to do it that won't involve being together 24-7? You know, be in the same vacation spot or the same resort, but not necessarily live in the same house/room? There should be a way to do it and still preserve a little privacy.

[lonni]

We have. Usually 3-4 days due to schedules and being a 10-12 hour drive. Our son's parent's have both flown out to meet him at his Basketball tournements in the West. The last 2 trips we couldn't go and just his nat. Dad met him and stayed for some Father/Son time;~))

[aclee]

Depends..if our relationship with them was like it is now, yes, I think so. I think the only things that concerns me is that (although not having a child that age, knowing children that age) they can be fairly manipulative. I wouldn't want this to be a vacation of "vs" is you know what I mean. If it was just a nice genuine request of the child so he could enjoy both families, then yes.

[bajj]

I would be willing to go and meet with them. I think I would want us to have our own hotel rooms or condo or whatever, but I wouldn't mind meeting. I've never met little man's Bmom and I've only seen big man's 3 times since he was born. I would love to see them more.

[meghann]

I would do it. But it would probably be different to the vacations I take now - for instance, this summer my husband & I are sharing a cottage with my best friend & her family for a week. I don't think I could do that with someone I barely knew - even the birthparents of my child, whom I assume I would have been in contact with over the years even if meetings had been few & far between.

But I could definitely see picking a destination & getting separate hotel rooms, but spending time together and apart as needed for everyone's comfort. It actually sounds like it could be a good experience for everyone involved.

[mdesi]

Under the scenario that was painted with minimal contact, I would need more information before deciding. Are the first parents interested in seeking more of a relationship with my child? If that is the case, then they could visit where we live for a week. (We live in a place where people come from all over the world to vacation, so it would hardly be less than festive.) I would be open to setting up another vacation depending on what I saw from them. It's an honest answer which is probably going to be less than popular.

I have a DSS that is that age, so this scenario is hard for me to fully see. That age is more interested in their peers than family. It seems that just like when the child is little, it really is up to the adult parents to do the work to ensure that the child spends time with family. At least that has been my experience.

[belleinblue1978]

On the flip side, just b/c I like being the one on the flip side, lol.

I don't think I would be able to do that. What are the reasons for minimal contact? As it is, I don't really even enjoy talking to my son's mom on the phone, I can't imagine spending a week with her, even if I could go do things alone just to get away.

I REALLY love my kid, but I've learned that it is ok to protect myself too. I'd be willing to visit for a day, but a week would be way too much for me emotionally.

[Leigh131313]

I wouldn't do a vacation with his birthparents - and we have a pretty good relationship.

Under the circumstances you stated - nope.

[Stormster]

I can't imagine anyone would have fun in that scenario! So intense! Ask me in 16 years but now I'd have to say no way.