[Wisdom]

My dh and I are sending our first update letter to our son's birthmother. I'd like help with the wording on something. We're over-due for getting our letter and pictures to her, and I want to let her know why but don't want to sound negative or like we're complaining. The truth is having a new baby is a huge transition and all consuming and so little gets done except for caring for the baby (even sleeping and eating become a luxury), but how do we say this w/out sounding negative? My dh wrote "We apologize that this letter hasn't come sooner. The first few months have been extremely busy (and fun), yet we have now found a balance." The word "busy" doesn't seem to fit, but maybe it's just me. What do you all think? Any other suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!

[mom2behappy]

it seems fitting, as new babies require alot of care

[devildogwife]

Busy sounds okay to me. I know I've told Cameron's birth mom that I keep busy with all of his appointments.

[Fran27]

You could say 'crazy', you know you mean it But busy is fine, I think.

I've tried to reduce the complaining too, and focus on the positive stuff... although sometimes I wonder if they would feel better knowing how exhausted we are, maybe it could confirm their decision to place because really, it is a lot of work.

It's definitely tough when you don't know who you are writing too also.

[ourdreamcametru]

Busy sounds fine to me but maybe you could say something like, " We're sorry we are so late getting this update out but we have been spending every waking moment bonding with_____ and enjoying parenthood."

[mrsdatabits]

Or maybe mentioning something about learning to adjust/transition to being parents. Something along the lines of "sorry we haven't gotten this to you sooner, we've been adjusting to becoming parents."

I've also heard the advice that while its great to have all the good/fun/exciting things in your letter, that it isn't necessarily a bad thing to mention some of the not so great things as well. We all know that life isn't always fun. Good luck with your letter!

[thanksgivingmom]

When it takes DD's Mom a while to respond back to an email I generally understand that she's busy being a wonderful single Mom. Especially in the beginning the SW passed on info to me that she was busy and adjusting.

Keeping that in mind, busy is a fair reason, but used enough can start to feel like a brush off if used to often. I hope that doesn't come across as rude, I truly do understand that you are certainly busy right now. I just thought maybe you'd like to hear the perspective of how "busy" reads to a bmom

In response to one of the other possible suggestions, I don't think that making it sound like it's sooo busy and sooo much work will make placement any easier or a bparent more secure in the decision they made to place. But maybe that's just me and because I personally didn't place because I thought it would be hard work.

[Wisdom]

Keeping that in mind, busy is a fair reason, but used enough can start to feel like a brush off if used to often. I hope that doesn't come across as rude, I truly do understand that you are certainly busy right now. I just thought maybe you'd like to hear the perspective of how "busy" reads to a bmom

thanksgivingmom: Thanks for your input. I agree, that's why I hesitate using the busy word. I think it's such an over used word and I admit it's a word I used to use as an excuse for not getting in touch w/people and it's a word I've tried to delete from my vocab.

[thanksgivingmom]

Wisdom, I think you've really hit the nail on the head though with the difference between "busy" as an excuse and "busy" as a reason.

Certainly you have been truly busy, which as I said is totally understandable. I think that if it's a one time thing, busy is fine. It's only when there becomes a pattern of "busy" that it starts to seem unreliable.

If you're still wondering against using it, perhaps you could say how "full" your days are as opposed to how "busy" they are. Then talk about some of the things that fill your time briefly - they're a joy to hear - truly.

Best of luck as you compose this letter!!!

[belleinblue1978]

I'm with TGMom. I hear the "we're the so busy thing" all the time. It gets old. But if I say well I've been busy with work and family and stuff, I get a oh really? SO.... use it sparingly.

Remember, we'd probably like to busy with the same stuff you are.

[pats]

I think busy is fine when used once in a while. In my first letters I tried to give her an idea of what my day involved without saying how exhausted it made me feel. I told her what his day and night time schedule consisted of so that maybe she could imagine what getting up several times at night is like. I tried to create a balance of how overjoyed and thankful we were to finally become parents and the realities of parenting an infant. It is hard work (and worth every minute). I can't imagine doing at the age of my first son's birthmom. I think you are on the right track!

[HansenFamAZ]

I would say,

"We think of you all the time and keep meaning to write you. But the times we stop to write you we've only have a few minutes. We know there is so much to share and don't want to skip over the details, that we keep waiting for a bigger block of time to tell you all about how XX is doing. We've figured out that the big block of time as never going to magically appear and we've just got to start writing! So here we go...

Good luck!

BTW, I tend to wait to call my children's bmoms when I know I have an hour to talk even though I think of them often. Then months have passed and I have never had that hour and just call!

[nikkianni]

Actually, I don't see anything wrong with what you said in the original post. Not what your DH wrote, but what you actually typed to us.
Having a new baby is all consuming and when we were late with our first letter, that's what I told DD's bparents.
I think I said something like, "Our lives have been crazy and wonderful these last few months. We've been learning to do the best job in the world and it's worth the lack of sleep, spit up, etc."
I'm paraphrasing because it's been awhile, but we were just honest. We were happy and sleep deprived and happy and up to our elbows in diapers, and happy....you get the idea.