[Abbe]

Does anyone know - can you adopt without a home study? What if you don't pass because of something in your husband's past - will you never be able to adopt?

I appreciate any input even if it's not what I want to hear - I need to know the brutal truth.

Thank you,
Abbe

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by Abbe

Does anyone know - can you adopt without a home study? What if you don't pass because of something in your husband's past - will you never be able to adopt?

I appreciate any input even if it's not what I want to hear - I need to know the brutal truth.

Thank you,
Abbe

You cannot adopt without a homestudy. Even if you go through an attorney instead of an adoption agency, you need a homestudy. Even when adopting the child of a relative, a homestudy is required. You can't get around that. Whether or not your homestudy would be approved depends on what your husband did. Fingerprints are required for EVERY adoption. If your husband has been arrested, the truth will come out. Whether or not your homestudy is rejected depends on what he did. If smoked marijauana when he was 18 and he learned his lesson after being caught, then you would probably be approved. If he has any arrests for child abuse, sexual assault, (any crimes against children or if he was found guilty of any sexual or violent crimes against people such as assault with a deadly weapon ), then a social worker cannot place the child in the home. A child can't be adopted by a convicted felon or a sex offender.


Some serious crimes (like one DUI), they might consider the family if years have passed and the person is now sober, completed classes or attended AA and has had no arrests since. It's usually considered on a case by case basis.

If you've been arrested, it will show up on the fingerprint card. If you haven't previously disclosed this to the social worker so she's expecting it, she'll immediately reject your homestudy for being dishonest (by withholding information). So, the first thing you have to do is tell the person doing your homestudy, my husband did ________. If you are honest and upfront, depending on the crime, they may work with you. If you don't mention it and the social worker finds out later, you will not be approved.

[Abbe]

I appreciate the information. He had anger issues and he was arrested but not convicted. He's since gone through anger management therapy and he's a different person, he's made a 180, it's a very positive change. We both come from very stable backgrounds and we would be great parents, but I don't think we'll be able to pass a home study.

I love my husband but I'm not willing to sacrifice not having a family because of his issues. I'll resent him forever if we can't adopt for this reason.

I'm extremely confused and sad but I needed your answer to know how to move on with my life.

Thank you.
Abbe

[devildogwife]

Have you considered calling a social worker/agency and explaining to them the situation? The best we can do is speculate and they really could give you the best answer. It sounds like you really need to know, one way or the other.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by Abbe

I appreciate the information. He had anger issues and he was arrested but not convicted. He's since gone through anger management therapy and he's a different person, he's made a 180, it's a very positive change. We both come from very stable backgrounds and we would be great parents, but I don't think we'll be able to pass a home study.Thank you.
Abbe

You never know unless you ask. Call a local adoption agency. If he wasn't convicted and has received treatment, then he might be approved. The agency will probably require a counseling session or a letter from his former counselor stating that his issues were dealt with. If it was domestic violence, it could be a serious issue with an adoption agency even if there was no conviction. In some domestic violence cases the victim doesn't want to press charges or testify against the abuser. So, even without a conviction or trial, the adoption agency may be concerned.

[Saya]

An arrest in itself doesn't necessarily mean you won't pass a homestudy. This is from one agency's website, but I think it's pretty typical:

Can I be approved to adopt if I have a criminal history?

It is difficult to provide a general answer to this question because the laws and regulations about approval of

adoptive parents who have been arrested or convicted of a crime vary greatly from state to state. The answer to this

question depends upon where you live, the seriousness of the crime and when it occurred. Each case is considered
on an individual basis. Most families are pleased to learn that "youthful indiscretions" will not exclude them from
becoming adoptive or foster parents.
It is very important to be truthful with your social worker and to disclose all relevant information about any criminal
history that you may have. The information that you provide to us will be fairly and fully considered with respect to
the requirements of the state where you reside.

[Abbe]

I've been calling adoption agencies in my area and I'm being totally honest and it's not getting me very far. If a social worker met us and didn't know about our big fight that we had, I swear, she would think we were awesome.

We were at a bar/restaurant one night and this girl comes up to us at the end of the evening and she goes, "I've been watching you two all night long and I've never seen anyone like you, you look like you're so in love and like the perfect couple". We are so connected and it's so sad that one incident will stop us from adopting. We look much worse on paper but we give off such good energy when we're together in person.

I guess I wish that a social worker would at least take some time with us and see that we'd be great with a baby but that's not really possible.

Thank you for all your input, it's really helpful,
Abbe

[aclee]

Originally Posted by Kat-L

Fingerprints are required for EVERY adoption.

Don't say EVERY unless you're sure.... DH and I were never finger printed. It depends on the state. We had back ground checks but no finger prints...MA doesn't require it at all, and I would bet there are others. MA isn't really an "only" state on many things.

I'm not encouraging anyone to use that fact to adopt in an illegal way, just pointing out that one fact that says they aren't always required

Also DH had 2 things come back on his CORI (yes, my computer programmer hubby is an outlaw)...we had to write statements about each one and explain how that wasn't "him" anymore. Both those items against him were Continued without a Finding, but were still on the CORI.

I think that if time has passed, and he has counseling records, and it wasn't anything child related, you should push forward.

[luvmylittlegirls]

OP: I really think you'll be able to find an adoption professional to work with you. (1) arrested but not convicted and (2) he's worked through his issues with a professional. Could he get a reference from his therapist?

(going off on a tangent for a bit)

I think it's kind of unfair that an arrest in and of itself would preclude someone from adopting. Plenty of people are arrested and later found "not guilty." Judges and juries make decisions about guilt/innocence, not cops.

Now, if the arrest was related to sexual assualt or child abuse, I think if I were a social worker I would look extra, extra carefully and do some extra homework to find out more about the situation before making a decision. But, I don't think an arrest in and of itself should be any big deal.

Also, FWIW, I remember hearing that in California no home study is required for a private, immediate family adoption (1st degree relative).

[hope.4.Ali]

My gut feeling is that you could find an adoption agency to work with you if you're honest up front.

We are adopting in WI and we were not asked to be finger printed. More paperwork (and finger printing) was required for my gov't wildlife biologist position than our adoption process. I'm sure it varies by state.

[4everwaiting]

Abbe,

I'm sorry you're going through this, it must be difficult!

We were not required to take fingerprints in FL for private adoption only FDLE and CFS clearance, but we were fingerprinted when applying through the foster care system...


For future references to anyone wanting to adopt in FL- fostercare and Childrens Home Society would NOTaccept our home study with a licensed social worker from our state. She even had more credientials than the social worker that the state system uses...

I know why FL has so many foster children in the system, far more than any of the states with the exception of Texas.

The system is broken not the children!

ANother homestudy to adopt through foster care-- NO THANK YOU!

I think we've all jumped enough hoops for one homestudy, can you imagine two in one year!

Just too much for me...


Abbe, dont give up, there's always hope!

People do change, you just have to find the right social worker or agency... They are out there!

Good luck to you!

S

[humanpitchpipe]

I can relate to your feelings of resentment toward your husband. Due to my husband's health condition (bipolar disorder) we are not eligible to adopt from many countries. My best advice is to take a look at all of your options - I had my heart set on China, but that won't happen, so I moved on and began to look elsewhere. Your husband can't change what happened in his past, just as my husband can't help that he has a chemical imbalance in his body. Don't give up, and be a supportive spouse (I know that this very hard to do because I have been there). What was always frustrating to me was seeing incompetent parents keep having babies and I just wanted to have a child, but DH was a stumbling block.

[slugbug0930]

Sorry you are having problems. I hope it works out for you. That said have you considered talking to an adoption lawyer in your state. I know here most of the attorneys give free half hour consultations and they may be able to answer some of your questions or at least point you in the right direction.

I know that both Washington & Oregon require FBI fingerprint clearance for homestudies. As we live in WA & adopted through an agency in OR.

Best of luck to you

[Abbe]

Wow - I've never been on a forum before and opened up like this but it's so supportive in a way that someone not going through it can't quite understand.

I talked to an amazing adoption attorney yesterday and if I put the time & energy into it, I believe we would be able to adopt eventually. That's me being positive - on the other end of the spectrum, I feel that my husband has made bad choices and now I'm paying for it and I'm tuckered out from everything he's put me through.

I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place because I'm 43and so ready for a family it hurts.

Thanks everyone,
Abbe

[feelingreyt]

Not every adoption requires a homestudy. Atleast ours didn't and it's been final for almost 6 months. There are always exceptions to the the rules. Never say NEVER!
In the State of Tennessee you can request that the Judge waive the homestudy if you are involved in a relative adoption. Meaning, the baby must be blood related to one of the adoptive parents.
In our situation my husband is a relative to our son's first mom. Our lawyer requested that the Judge waive not only the homestudy, but the 6 month waiting period, as well! I was very pleased that Judge granted the request.
The fact that we had our son in our home already for 3 months, his first mom had already voluntarily TPR'D, we had Power of Attorney over him, and birthfather was MIA, may have made a difference in the Judge's eyes. Then again, it is the law, plain and simple for TN. The homestudy can be waived.
I know this situation is unique, but I just had to let you know to never say NEVER. And do some research. The boards are full of great advice, but it is not always correct advice.

Good luck!