[Daisy2]

My DH and I Just started the process of adoption, we should have our profile in the book by the end of August. My questions are (I know I have a 1 to 2 year wait):

Did you have a baby shower after you were chosen or after the child was placed?

I am also thinking of purchasing some nursery furniture this fall. I won't have the nursery set up, but I hear that it takes 6 to 8 weeks to arrive and I would like to be able to set it up when we get chosen by a birth family. Is that strange? When did you go out and buy a crib?

Thanks for your input.

[Gwen72]

Congratulations and welcome to the forum! We have been "on the list" for about 9 weeks now. I am planning on having a baby shower after the revocation period for the TPR is over. I have 14 outfits in yellow and green since we are open to any gender. I have a box of diapers. I have a few different types of bottles and nipples. I have a travel size bath set and a portable diaper changing pad. I got a bassinet for the baby to sleep in until we get a crib. I bought a car seat stroller combo to bring him/her home from the hospital and a baby sling to wear them with. Everything fits in the closet of the room that will be the nursery. It's an empty room right now just waiting to see if it's going to be decorated in Winnie the Pooh or a garden cottage theme. Good luck on your journey and congratulations again!

[lovemy2boys]

Well, congratulations! This is a great place for support during your homestudy, as well as the wait...

We were handed down a crib by a relative, so we had it well in advance (we waited a year and a half before we were chosen). We didn't purchase dressers, though, until that time.

We also waited for a shower. Our son was born in December, TPR was in January, and our shower was in February. Everyone is different, but this was the way we wanted to do it, and it was a very special day because our son was at the shower with us. We purchased necessities a little bit at a time during our wait, so between that and the gifts people brought the baby when he came home, we were pretty much set.

Good luck to you and your DH!

[dragonfly1234]

congratulations! A wonderful place with many wonderful people to help you answer questions and to help you with your wait.

We had many friends and family that wanted to give us a shower as soon as they knew about our adoption plans. Dh and I discussed with our family and friends that we wanted to wait until finalization. But please remember that everyone is different. So you and your dh must do what feels right for you both.

What an exciting time for you both! Congrats again!

[finallyamom0310]

My DH and I started buying a few things like toys on sale, etc prior to placement but as the wait got longer, the more we decided to try to put it out of our mind till it happened. Fortunately for us, since we had very little notice before the birth of our DD, we had lots of friends and family waiting to put the nursery together while we were out of town for the birth.

[tweetybirdus]

Our baby was already born when we were matched. We purchased everything except furniture the weekend before we picked her up. Once home after ICPC, I ordered the crib, changing table and glider and they all came in less than a week. Before all that came in and was assembled, she slept either in the pack n play or a borrowed cradle or in bed with us. It was pretty hectic, but everything worked out well.

Also, we had 2 showers after we came home with her.

[kelceesmom]

Everyone is totally different. We had a failed placement and with that I did not want a shower until returned from ICPC and TPR was signed. My choice but others do and that is ok. You just have to be ok with it.

We did buy our furniture after we matched the second time and got the nursery all ready.

[devildogwife]

I didn't have/didn't want a shower. If is had, it would have been after tpr was signed and revocation was over.

[fisbaby]

My DH, well mainly just I, bought the nursery furniture, bedding, and then the basics that I figured we would need prior to a shower. I had bought things such as diapers, wipes, bath stuff, bottles, pacifiers, etc. We had people that wanted to do showers for us also but we waited to have them until after we were home with our blessing ... just in case! We put the furniture together but had all of the other things and bedding / curtains stored so they wouldn't get dirty. We also closed the room to that door after a few months b/c it was just too hard to look in there all of the time. It turned out that we were matched within a couple weeks of the birth so I was very happy to be prepared ... I'm a planner!

[Eponine]

DH & I bought the furniture & bedding before we were even matched. We wanted to have a furnished nursery to put pictures of in the profile.

A friend threw us a shower with our first match even though i was VERY against it. DH said i was just being pessimistic so i went along with it becuase he was SO sure the match would work and was SO excited about the shower (couples/co-ed shower).

That match fell through so now, although it's minor in relation to everything else, we have all these pictures of our baby shower for the baby we don't have. People gave us personalized gifts so I have a box of things that say "Zachary" or "Born 5-31-2007" and he was never really our son to begin with.

So I guess, my feeling is prepare yourself as much as you are comfortable with but encourage friends and family to hold off on gifts, showers, etc. until the TPR is signed unless you're okay with having it earlier.

[Daisy2]

I would like to thank everyone that responded to my post. I am a much happier person when I can plan things and not dwell on things that are out of my control, so it helps to hear what other people of have done. Thanks again.

[CourtneynCarl]

My cousins took me shopping about a month ago, and we stocked up on everything you would need for a baby for 24 hours or so - box of bottles, bag of diapers, wipes, 4 outfits (unisex), socks, towels, washcloths, a super soft blankie, and a botle of dreft. I also bought a pack-n-play so he/she would have a place to sleep in our room to begin with. These things make me feel hopeful and prepared in case things happen quickly.

I am all too aware that nothing is for sure until TPR is signed, and decorating a nursery ahead of time would be too hard on me if it falls through. Also, I want to decorate a nursery specifically for the baby that I end up adopting. I don't want to settle for a yellow room when in my heart I know exactly how I want it to be for a girl or a boy! There is a whole lot that I don't have any control over in this process, but I am going to have the nursery I have been planning in my mind for years, darn it!

Just my perspective.

[aclee]

I told my family we would do it one of two ways. Before match so it was "mine" (and not for a specific baby) or after TPR and revocation were over.

In the end, I shopped like crazy, we were placed very quickly and we had my shower when we got home with Tyler, so anything that was purchased before we were matched with him, I knew in my heart it was MINE for our baby (even if we has disruptions, the stuff was for the baby that was meant to be ours) and the stuff bought after was clearly for him, but he was here to stay so that was fine There were only two outfits that we bought while we were in S. Louis waiting for the revocation to be up and we went to court. They were "his" and he wasn't "ours". If M had changed her mind, I would have given those outfits to her for him.

I think if you set up a nursery and buy stuff while you are matched, it becomes for "THAT" baby, not for you. Get the stuff for you and remember in your head, you're getting that for you, and the baby that's meant for your family. It may or may not be the first baby your matched with so until it's for sure, and all that...it's yours

Sounds selfish but it was how I protected myself from potentially ending up with a room full of clothes and stuff that I felt like were for a baby I didn't have if we had a disruption.

I hope your wait is shorter than you think...I would have exploded. I'm a bad wait-er.

[Adopted-B-4]

Hi Daisy-Our agency had us set up our nursery prior to making our lifebook, so that birthmothers could see the actual nursery. With our twins, we were chosen and our families and friends just wouldn't take no for an answer. So, we did have 2 showers prior to their arrival but thankfully, they did since the boys were preemie and we wouldn't have wanted to have one shortly after their birth to have people around them much. With our daughter, we had one after her arrival but only because we insisted on waiting. We felt funny having the showers prior to the boys since if the birthmom changed her mind, what would we have done? I think most adoptive families wait until after the placement and waiting period is over. Good luck!

[jalapeno]

My situation was a little different but it's kind of a fun story We were licensed fost/adopt parents and were open to any gender, any age up to 4 years, and would have taken a sibling group of two. So we couldn't have prepared all that much even if we wanted to. Before we were matched I believe we had a crib that would convert to a toddler bed and . . . well . . . that might have been it. We literally found out two HOURS in advance that we would be placed with a two day old infant. Can you say SHOPPING SPREE! My DH and I raced to Target and threw everything we could think of into the cart. DH called his sister on the way and casually asked if she would give him a short list of the most necessary items for a newborn It was so much fun! I still have the receipt

We never had baby showers for our two adopted kiddos although many people gave us gifts anyway. But we did have big adoption parties on the day of finalization.