[Oceans]

I'm in a pondering mood today lol...

We all agree that prior to TPR the child *belongs* (seriously - lack of better word here, no semantics please) to the parents who conceived him. After TPR, the child, belongs to his aparents... So after TPR, how would you feel about seeing your child’s pre-TPR pics on a PUBLIC MySpace page... Do the bparents have that right? Do they *own* those pics?

What if your child was older at the time of adoption?

For the record I'm not big on bfamilies posting pics on public MS pages w/o permission but I am curious about your thoughts. I also want to say that this has nothing to do with real life or any post I have seen here recently... Purely hypothetical...

[aspenhall]

If it is pics of the child only and no other people, then they have the right in my opinion...if it's pics of ANYONE else, they need permission (mom holding the baby etc...)

I never thought about it, but I have seen pics posted by aparents that were taken prior to TPR...and I didn't even question it's propriety....I would have an issue with dd's bmom posting pics online of dd, because I am very careful not to disclose my identity when dealing with pics linking my daughter to our identifying information...too many creeps out there...and I don't know as she'd be that careful....

[Leigh131313]

My sons birthmom has pics of him on her facebook... Honestly I'm not ok with it, and it has tainted what I will send her from now on (she put pics on there of him potty training). Especially since she has no restrictions on her profile - anyone can view it.

One of the things that really bothered me was that she commented on them like SHE was the one taking the pictures or that she was there when it was happening.

She also has pictures of him that SHE has taken on our visits and such - those ones don't bother me as much. To me, those are HER pictures, kwim? I do wish she had asked before she put his pictures on the internet tho - and this is something I will be discussing with any emom we meet with for our second adoption.

I guess it would depend on the circumstances, but for themost part I would think the pics from before TPR are hers to do with what she wishes.

[powderpiggy]

our DS's bmom has a couple pictures of him on her myspace page, both pre-tpr and a few taken during her visit at XMAS. I am fine with it. However, unlike the previous poster, she makes no claims about who he is or what her relation is to him. The pics are there so that the few who are in the know can see pics of him. In my opinion pre-TPR pictures, pictures she takes of him during visits, and technically pictures I have given her are hers to share with whomever she wants. Myspace is just one way 'sharing' pictures and I am not sure what the big deal is. Would you feel differently if she posted them on a true picture sharing website such as Flickr?

[Fran27]

Quite sure my agency makes the birthparents sign a paper saying they are not allowed to post pictures on public websites.

Even if it was pictures she took (which in my case won't happen), I think it would bother me. I'm not going around posting pictures of other people's children, so I think it would be unappropriate...

Just IMO.

[thanksgivingmom]

Well, I have pics of my DD on my Myspace (as Oceans knows ) but my Myspace is VERY private and secure. I have twelve friends and they're all very trusted friends. Cupcake's Mom enjoys that I share my pictures and knows that there are very very very few people in real life that know about DD and she's very supportive of my turning to the internet as a place to share pictures and experiences. She trusts that I'm not giving out information and that I use discretion.

As for pics taken before TPR? I have two polaroids of me with DD and I will do with those whatever I please. It's not like you can tell who she is or that I'm putting her full name and Mom's address with them. It's us on a day when I thought was the last day it would ever be "us." That picture is mine, all mine, and I can't imagine why there would need to be a restriction on that...

I do wonder....how many times when we see pictures posted here announcing the excitement of a new birth were those pictures possibly taken before TPR? Why should that be treated any differently? Interesting twist on an age old debate Oceans!

[aclee]

and I have no issue. My 2 sister in laws have public accounts, as does hubby, no pics for them. Yup, even hubby. Private account can post as they would like unless I feel like they have 6,000 friends whom they don't know. Then, it's not really "private" is it? If M wanted to put up pictures and they were on a private myspace or facebook account...I'm ok with that. I would LOVE to be asked first though.

[devildogwife]

Originally Posted by thanksgivingmom

I do wonder....how many times when we see pictures posted here announcing the excitement of a new birth were those pictures possibly taken before TPR? Why should that be treated any differently? Interesting twist on an age old debate Oceans!

I see your point on that. I was so paranoid (and scared!) that something would happen before TPR, that I didn't post any pictures until TPR occurred almost 6 weeks after my son was born. I personally didn't feel it was right to share up until that point.

ETA-if my son's birth mom publicly posted pics, I'd feel very uncomfortable, especially without being asked beforehand.

[Oceans]

I have NO issues with legit pics on a private MS page - not even sure there needs to be aparent approval for the reasons powderpiggy sited it's just another way to share and she does have the right to that... right?

As for birthfamilies posting post TPR pics on public sights w/out aparent knowledge - I would give that a thumbs down. Even if the pics were "given" to them...

Private yes, public no...

I'm not even sure if I am comfortable with pre-TPR pic's which seems a little odd to me (about myself). That said, babies change fast AND I am definitely not comfortable with names, addys, etc....

Just thought it was interesting... And I was a bit bored today…

TGM: Good point...

[browneyes0707]

I don't post pics of my DD on my myspace because I have family on there that do not know about her. But I do have pics of my neices and nephews on there. I did not ask their parents (my SIL's) if I could post them. Should I have? I mean I never thought about it, my myspace is private and all my friends are my friends. And they are just pics from the holidays and of my wedding. (For the record, now that i think about it, one of the teen neices has her own private myspace that her mom knows about, and honestly I don't think my other SIL would mind about her kids) has But I don't parent them. I have no legal rights to them. Is there much difference?

I do however share pics with very close friends when I recieve them from a-mom via e-mail. And last year I shared a link with those close friends that was shared with me by a-mom that included a pic that was in the local paper. Which comes up on a Google search.

But out of respect, I would probably ask a-mom if I posted anything, as she is a friend of mine on myspace, and I 'd want to ask in case she just saw, KWIM? Don't need the extra issue, I guess.

[Oceans]

Good point Brown... Mine is public out of necessity right now but will go private soon. That said I have pics of my nieces and nephews on it and others.....

I think I may be a hypocrit.. lol

[thanksgivingmom]

I guess part of it for me is that I personally don't see the harm - and maybe that's just because of my personal situation.

When I took the picture of DD, she was MY daughter. It's the only tangible evidence I have that she was once MY daughter. What could happen if I show that picture. Who is harmed? I'm not talking including other info - JUST the pic. In part, I sort of need some sort of reason as to the why to really understand why it's a huge deal...perhaps there's something super obvious I'm just not seeing. I would love to see it because then it would make much more sense to me.

Oh, and I have pics up of my nephews and nieces too - they're part of my life and I love them and would never do anything to harm them or to offend their parents. My inclusion of them in my favorite pictures is a sign of how much I love them and what an important part of my life they truly are.

[powderpiggy]

I know I already put my two cents in. But seeing as we are on the topic of nephews and nieces. My sis has a couple pictures of DS on her myspace page...and I never thought twice about it. Whats the dif? I don't think there is any. I have posted picture of my nieces and nephews on my myspace page. I really don't see why people get worked up about bmoms posting a pic of the child they placed...particularly in open adoptions. They have and always will have a connection to the child they placed.

[mumofone]

I don't post pics of my kiddos on the internet. I wouldn't post pics of any child without permission.

Having said that, we were at a birthday party on the weekend, and my kiddos pics were taken. The people who took the pics posted them on their Facebook accounts. I am thinking about asking that they be removed. I know they meant no harm...it's just not something I am comfortable with. There are way too many sickos out there. One of the Facebook accounts is public, while one is "friends only".

[browneyes0707]

OK, I've been thinking about this. When I was young (back in the dinosaur age, LOL) every year the school district would mail out the school calendar. In the calendar were pics of kids from each school, collages or random shots of Halloween or variety shows or Homecoming, etc. Everyone thought it was a "big deal" to get their pic in the collages in the calendar. I don't rememeber anyone who was upset over their child's picture being included in the calendar (and I had a super nosy PTA mom, I'd have heard at the dinner table if anyone did, LOL!) And I don't recall anyone being asked permission, they just sent them out. To EVERYONE in the district, regardless of whether they had children in school or not. Every single mailbox.

Granted, it was not the internet, but anyone had access to the school calendar, I think they even had them in the offices at the schools on the counter for people to take. So my question is, is it the internet in particular that has people uneasy? I know it gets a bad rap, but if DD lived in my community I'd be able to get her school calendar and have pics, and I could scan copies I could snail mail them to all my friends. Which would be the same if I posted them on my friends only myspace account.

I'm seriously not trying to be difficult, I really thought about this