[thanksgivingmom]

You're making sense Stormster

For the record, I've only shared pics on password protected blog posts and on my private Myspace page, so if I defend otherwise it would only be to play devils advocate. I don't really see the need personally to display on public sites.

[KatiesEd-dad]

I was going to stay out of this discussion but I feel I have to add my 2 cents. As a father who has his daughters first name in my screen name and who also has her own website I guess you could tell that I am not really concerned with having my picture or my daughters picture on the internet. Everyone has expressed their concern with cyberstalking of children but I have yet to see or hear of a case of kidnapping or abduction based on pictures found on the internet. I would have more concern for the creepy bagger at the grocery store who could possibly follow us home. I'm not passing any judgment here, please continue to do what you feel comfortable with. Katie's bmom has a Myspace page that's public and the only pictures that are on there are from her college party days. There are no pics of Katie on there and if there were I wouldn't be too concerned with it unless she posted our address and phone number with it.

[browneyes0707]

Originally Posted by KatiesEd-dad

I was going to stay out of this discussion but I feel I have to add my 2 cents. As a father who has his daughters first name in my screen name and who also has her own website I guess you could tell that I am not really concerned with having my picture or my daughters picture on the internet. Everyone has expressed their concern with cyberstalking of children but I have yet to see or hear of a case of kidnapping or abduction based on pictures found on the internet. I would have more concern for the creepy bagger at the grocery store who could possibly follow us home. I'm not passing any judgment here, please continue to do what you feel comfortable with. Katie's bmom has a Myspace page that's public and the only pictures that are on there are from her college party days. There are no pics of Katie on there and if there were I wouldn't be too concerned with it unless she posted our address and phone number with it.

Ed:

This was sort of my point with the school calendar. I would be more concerned about a calendar ending up in the mailbox of creepy dude with my daughter's pic from the 4th grade Square Dance, knowing that she must live in the community, and hanging out outside the elementary school waiting for her.

[Adopted-B-4]

Well, I know it would be difficult to see your childs pictures posted on a public website like that but what do you do about it? Our daughter's bmom posts all of the pics I send her on her myspace page. I was happy when she finally set it to private for that reason.

[lahdh4]

I post Supergirl's pictures but only in myspace. It is a private account and I don't use her name. I have them in a folder that is only viewable to friends and after a certain amount of time they go to her private folder where only I can get into. I use no names because it is easier.

[Stormster]

There may not yet be examples of cyber related child abductions but how many people do you know who met your significant others or close friends on the internet!

There are many examples of cyber related sex offenses and on that Dateline thing ALL OF THOSE MEETINGS WERE MADE ON THE INTERNET WITH MINORS.

Even if DS is too young to hold a spoon, a sex offender could and would befriend me (or a teenager in the house if there was one) to meet in the real world.

I don't think I"m being alarmist and I realize the chances are small but just like I wouldn't parade my child in front of a bunch of child molesters in real life I wouldn't let them look at him on the internet!

I am not really as over protective as I sound but a long time ago I dated men I met online and there were one or two serious serious creeps!

[loveajax]

Also, a lot of cyberporn images are made with pictures of "real" children. I know the odds are small and I am being paranoid, but it's one of those things for me (believe me, in my job, I have met creeps you would not believe and I know all the "tactics").

I was even thinking of that website about "medical adoptions" that I found so offensive and children's photos were used there (I am sure without "permission").

I think I would probably view things differently if I had grown up with the internet? (I am very, very old!)

[browneyes0707]

Love,

You aren't THAT old

I agree with everything said about the internet, that is why I protect ALL my pics and info, not just the ones of the kids in my life. I just think that the danger has always been there pre-internet as well, it's just moved to another medium.

On a side note, a few years ago, my mom had a web page that the school has her set up through their website (she's an elementary teacher) and she has pics of the kids and all their activities. No names, but it's all out in the open. Do you know who made a big deal about it? My sister, who had found the page on a google search and saw a pic my mom had posted of "her kids", and demanded she take it down because she wasn't asked. My sis was 30! I'm not sure if it is still up, this was at a time pre-social webpage where we weren't so aware of putting things up online and online predators.

FWIW: My mom didn't take it down. She said we were her kids, and if she wanted to put it up she could.

[JPDakota]

You know, it is kind of a myth that "private" pages on My Space or anywhere else are actually private. You guys maybe can't access them because you're responsible citizens. Now, someone with some technical knowledge and the slightest lack of ethics can access them in a heartbeat. It gets worse, they can also locate the IP address the posting comes from. Sometimes IP addresses are static, meaning you always use the same one. That's traceable. They can also hack the site and access the pics and info directly from the databases on the back side that hold them. And did you know that there is a permanent record in the cloud of every single thing ever posted to any sight? I am not making this up. I have one picture on this site. It is of my father and my newborn. My father has passed away, and my newborn is not recognizable in the pic. And I kind of regret posting that pic.
Am I paranoid? Maybe.

[thanksgivingmom]

JP, I choose to not live that paranoid - it would drive me crazy and I can't live my life in fear.

By that token none of us should post here. IP addresses can certainly be found. If I say something that upsets someone I suppose that they could find my IP and hunt me down. I guess we shouldn't send emails, shop online, have myspace accounts, facebook accounts, flickr accounts, or really any relationship with the internet at all.

In today's society, I think it's pretty clear that's not going to work. I think it's easy to figure out the "worst case scenario" in any situation, but living like that isn't healthy - at least for me.

I choose to be responsible in my decisions on the internet and internet security. At some point it's out of my hands. Driving is really dangerous too. But I drive as responsibly as I can, it's all I can do. Driving is necessary in my life. As is using the internet.

[JPDakota]

I shop on the internet, post things and send emails. I bank online and track my investments. I order my prescriptions via an online tool. I buy treasury bills on their site. But I do it with the knowledge that none of it is private. I make an informed choice and I accept the risks, just like I do when I drive down the street in traffic, file an insurance claim or use my cash card to buy gas. The point is that as an adult I have a choice about what risks I'm willing to take and still be comfortable. A child does not have that choice, of course, so we as parents make it for them. I will accept risks for myself that I will not accept for my child.

[powderpiggy]

I guess I am just not that paranoid. Perhaps I don't mind DS's bmom including a few pictures of DS on her myspace page because I have a myspace page and use it extensively to stay in touch and share pictures with friends and family. In fact DS's bmom and baunt are both on my myspace friends list and that is one way that we all keep in touch. There is no identifying information to coincide with any pictures of DS, on my page or on bmom's page. The few pictures she has posted are all pretty old now. She does not seem to post recent pictures. The way I figure it, DS does not have a myspace page, anyone who wanted to get in touch with him would have to go through me. There is no identifying information about him. I do not make friends with myspace. All my 'friends' are true friends and family. So I just don't see any more risk than taking DS to the grocery store or the park. There are creeps everywhere and anyone who see's him in person would have a much greater chance of figuring out who he is and where he lives. I just don't see myspace as any more risk than anything else. It has been a great tool to stay in touch with DS's bmom and everyone else. In fact we started communicating through myspace pre-placement and still continue today.

[paigeturner]

I serve on the Attorney General’s Youth Internet Safety Task Force in my state, representing my company. This task force was formed in response to all stories of sexual predators out there putting our children at risk. After a year, we’ve come up with education, education, education as a solution; and, not just education for our young people, but for their parents.

Social networking sites are here to stay. What can we do? First as parents, we should make use of the parental controls our ISP’s provide. We should monitor our children’s computer use and keep computers in a public room, not in their bedrooms. We should discuss with them the need to keep their social networking pages private and only allow people they “know” in person to have access. I can go on and on. If anyone is interested, I can send you the link to the task force information.

As for someone hacking into a server’s database and tracing IP address…I’ve never heard of that happening IRL. However, a year or so ago the federal government was asking ISP’s to retain records of ISP addresses and records of what websites each address went to for 12 months as part of the Patriot Act. The Center for Missing and Exploited Children would like the industry to keep this information for even longer. When the industry pointed out the security risks associated with holding that information on every customer for that long I believe a compromised was reached for 3 months (but to be honest it might have been 6 months – I’m too lazy this morning to look). My point is, while it hasn’t happened for my company in the way JP describes, as a company, we had to point out the possibility of a data breach to the government and the need to purge information after a period of time for the protection of all of our customers.

I haven’t had coffee yet…not sure if I’m making sense…

[JPDakota]

You are obviously free to make whatever decisions you're comfortable with. It just always concerns me when people post things like a "private" My Space (or other online community) is safe. That's all. I think it is always advisable to have as much information as possible, and I was making sure that this community in this discussion is aware that cyber-privacy is a myth.
Don't want to hijack Ocean's thread, and I'm sure I've made my point. I'm not here to argue about your choices.
Back to the original question - I would be vehemently opposed to DD's birth mother posting pics of DD.