[loveajax]

A friend of mine called me yesterday. A friend of a friend has a daughter who is parenting a three month old boy but is in a shelter and really cannot care for him. She is interested in placing the baby for adoption and does not want to involve DSS.

I called my agency and they said there are a number of options if the mom wanted to place with us (since I don't have an updated HS yet) including A) having us be temporary guardians while our HS is updated or B) having the baby put in "cradle care." (Of course, they said they would meet with the birth mom and explain her options....given that she is parenting, they think that it may be kind of a "high risk" situation and it may be preferable to recommend cradle care, because maybe all she needs is a respite).

Now I haven't even talked to this woman (girl really) and this is really a stretch (I doubt it will come thru) but has anyone been in a situation like this? What advice do you have? (I really have few details, and even if she is really interested in placing, I am sure she has other options, but I am sort of freaking out!). TIA!

[Fran27]

Not much help here, just wanted to say good luck!!!

[loveajax]

Thanks, Fran! DH says he thinks this is a "two percenter" (has two percent chance of working out!). If nothing else, I think it has made me realize it's time to update my HS!

I won't get my elusive b/g twins (some of us aren't so lucky! haha), but I would love to have a mama's boy!

[sbaglio]

Wow, I can understand why you're freaking out! How exciting. Good luck, Karen - keep us posted!

[loveajax]

Thanks, Fadzi! You are so sweet. If we get any closer, I may PM you with some questions about what we would hope to see developmentally in a three-month old. (I know you have more of a specialty, but I trust you so much!).

[Oceans]

LA: Without getting all armchair psychologist on you (lol), how do feel about this? You are putting yourself out there on a high risk situation yes?

Are you going to be meeting with this girl or is your friend going to refer to an agency for counseling? I kind of think the latter is the way to go but then again, (personally) I trust you far more than I would trust a few agencies that I have read about - KWIM?

I wonder if you shouldn't PM Brenda for a referral to a good counselor in your area then you can pass along the name to a friend. Or do you trust your agency to do a good job? Would you be handling this privately?

So many questions…. hahahaha

[SamIAm2]

Hi Loveajax! Our situation was similar to this. Nattie's BMom had tried parenting her for about 4 weeks when she came to us. I've mentioned before that we weren't looking to adopt...but, of course, we immediately fell in love We started out having Legal Guardianship while we handled the legalities and completed our Home Study. We worked privately with an attorney and he handled all the LG and adoption stuff for us. It took a looooong time b/c Bdad was in jail at the time we needed him to sign papers, but other than that it was relatively smooth.

Good Luck!! How exciting!

[loveajax]

Sam, that was something mentioned as a possibility (guardianship)...but Oceans, the agency ED told me that that was "high risk" for us and may be hard esp. since we have a three year old.

We live in an agency only state. One of the things the agency suggested is maybe providing cradle care (not by us) as a respite for mom while she decides what to do (parent or place). I know that they would provide counseling (how good it is, I don't know...it also sounds like the mom has some special needs).

The weird thing is that I think this is sort of a snowball/heck scenario so I'm trying not to get ahead of myself (yeah, right!).

Sam, I'm so glad to hear that it worked out so well for you and of course your beautiful girl!

Thank you, guys...I'll keep you posted!

[thanksgivingmom]

LA - congrats on this wonderful possibility! At the very least does this situation have DH realizing that it should be baby time again?? hehe

[DPline]

No advice, but I'll have my fingers crossed for you!!

[loveajax]

Thank you, Tmom and Debbie. I just don't want any interference with my training schedule. Of course, I am so strong now, I could run with a kid on my back. hahahah

[DPline]

ROFL! We'll all have to chip in for a double jogging stroller for you if it comes to that! Definetly wouldn't want you to have to cut back on your training!

[sbaglio]

Originally Posted by loveajax

Thanks, Fadzi! You are so sweet. If we get any closer, I may PM you with some questions about what we would hope to see developmentally in a three-month old. (I know you have more of a specialty, but I trust you so much!).

I'd be happy to help! Paloma just turned 12 weeks on Tuesday, so I can speak from experience as well!

[loveajax]

Fadzi, I was just going to write, "prom dates 2025?" and realized I was getting way, way, way ahead of myself!!! hahaha. Thank you again!!

[startedover]

If I am correct, the same time frame for her to change her mind is as if she placed at birth. So if your state is ten days, then after ten days reguardless of the HS being complete the baby is forever in your arms. We did tem guardianship of our newborn but after the ten days we relaxed and realized the only thing then that could go wrong is if the state found us unfit. Good luck