[kelceesmom]

Kelcee's preschool teacher had a "talk" with me today. She wanted to let me know that Kelcee is starting to bully other children at school. By this she stated that she wants to sit in someone elses chair and will look at the teachers with a look like I know I am supposed to get in trouble now. I specifically asked if she was being mean and she said no just defiant. Is this normal. Our 2's were easy but she is getting more defiant now.

She also said that she is saying things like: "oh mannnn" with a sour look on her face. Is this something I should be concerned about or are they just being a little to strict?

She isn't sharing as much as she used to and the teachers want her to listen more. Any suggestions would be appreaciated. I don't want her to be kicked out of preschool.

[dragonfly1234]

Oh my gosh Denice you could be talking about my 3 year old. He has just recently started to smile knowing that he is doing something wrong that he was just told was not acceptable. He first gets a talk about how it was wrong, second a warning and if he still continues which is all the time right now he gets time out. Not fun for any of us and he had quite the tantrum today outside in front of some of our neighbors....that was special....lol But I do know that with my oldest this is something that they go thru testing us. The testing just gets more complicated....like tonight I caught my almost 8 year old using a calculator doing his math homework. I made him do all his homework again!

Good luck!

[aclee]

If she wasn't doing that I'd be more concerned than the fact she is. My niece is three. She is so busy and fresh and spirited. My sister is a teacher...they try to be strict and consistent, but she's three. She has a lot going on.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by kelceesmom

Kelcee's preschool teacher had a "talk" with me today. She wanted to let me know that Kelcee is starting to bully other children at school. By this she stated that she wants to sit in someone elses chair and will look at the teachers with a look like I know I am supposed to get in trouble now. I specifically asked if she was being mean and she said no just defiant. Is this normal. Our 2's were easy but she is getting more defiant now.

She also said that she is saying things like: "oh mannnn" with a sour look on her face. Is this something I should be concerned about or are they just being a little to strict?

She isn't sharing as much as she used to and the teachers want her to listen more. Any suggestions would be appreaciated. I don't want her to be kicked out of preschool.

Oh mannn, she sounds perfect! She's not a bully. She's strong willed. And that's a good quality, especially for a little girl. She knows what she wants and she tries to get it.

As for the smiles, Hanna does that, too. I think, at this age, they are beginning to realize there are rules-and they are surprised when they can't get exactly what they want. And they are smart enough to turn on the charm! Kelcee might know she shouldn't take someone else's chair. BUT, she doesn't have the self control to stand back and let another child have something she wants. The teacher should understand this because it's very common in preschool.

Hanna doesn't like to share and will cry when "Brandon" touches something-even if she wasn't playing with it. It can be a real struggle sometimes. It's just a stage. They'll grow out of it.

They won't kick her out of preschool.

[Leigh131313]

Personally - I'd have issues with your preschool, not your preschooler.

That's the one thing I've been THRILLED about with M's preschool ....they love who he is, his attitudes and all, they are just helping me to CHANNEL it for good as opposed to evil. LoL

[SamIAm2]

Hi Denice I agree with the others, Kelcee sounds like a perfectly normal 3 year old to me! And, as a Mom who's not a teacher, I'd get a kick out of hearing her do the "oh mannnn" thing

[kelceesmom]

Thanks for posting. I am in no way saying that Kelcee is an angel but I just wanted to make sure that I shouldn't be doing more to correct this behavior (if I could anyways!)

I don't want to smother her personality but don't want her to go to far out there if that makes sense?

[musemoon]

Okay, Denice I met Kelsee, she's an angel. Really. Even her difiance looked like a normal three year old. In fact....um didn't really see any defiance AT ALL, she is so awesome...such a great kiddo. So I would say that the teacher's are being cautious and overly so. Kelsee was AMAZING at sharing....it was my little bully diva that had the problem sharing...so really, Kelsee is wonderful. Just do the great job you are doing parenting her, cause you ARE an awesome parent! You may want to talk to her about school and what the teachers think and see if you can work out a plan together at home, if the teachers really think it's an issue (blah...). And my kiddo says "Oh Mann" all the time.

Aria just got in trouble as well, for biting (YIKES) we have a star chart at home and if she does well all month I will buy her a treat. BRIBE...I know. But whatever works I say.

Also this is probably not the case in your preschool, but Aria is being "watched" pretty closely cause she's and Early Intervention kiddo...and she's a "crack baby" so the school watches her more than some of the other kids. Maybe this is part of it too...who knows.

[kelceesmom]

Thanks Lorie. I really like the idea of a sticker chart or some sorts for a reward if you are good for so many days. Maybe a treasure chest that if she is good at the end of the week she gets to pick something from the chest.

Aria is a doll and I so love her personality! Whomever she bit probably took her toy away. Maybe Kelcee was visiting her at her school?! LOL

[musemoon]

The treasure chest sound like a great idea. In fact if she sees something else in there that she wants next time she can work for it.

I'm trying to make this biting thing like a fun (but serious) game. And yes...someone did take a toy from her...a necklace...but it wasn't anyone half a sweet as Kelcee. Good luck :-) Ah these are the joys of parenting right???

[Nicole28]

When my god-son was three, he started saying "Yeah, right" and rolling his eyes whenever he was asked to do something. It was so hard not to crack up, because he just looked so funny doing it - - like a sarcastic little man. We told him that this behavior was disrespectful, and because he knew what "respect" meant [it was/is a house rule and a rule at his school - prominently displayed in both] he quickly nipped that it in the bud. The few times that he reverted back to his old ways, we'd wait until he asked us to do something ["Can I please have some dessert?"] and we'd roll our eyes and say "Yeah, right!" He got a taste of his own medicine and he didn't like it, ha.

He's 11 now and his new thing is "Uh, make me," whenever he is asked to do something. Apparently the defiance never ends, but the smart remarks simply change.

Anyway - my best girlfriend is a pre-K teacher, and she has a lot of 3 year old's who are suddenly becoming defiant as they get a little more independent. She, too, uses the "Behavior Chart" in her classroom and it works really well - the kids are suckers for stickers and a good bribe! She is very aware that defiance is a big issue at this age, so she seems to be more sensitive to it than your daughter's teacher. Unfortunately, that defiant attitude stays with some kids well into their elementary years...when I student-taught in a second grade classroom I got a lot of "Oh, maaaan" and "Make me!" haha. A few pencils in the eye, too, but you don't have to worry about that yet.

[Shai's Mom]

Originally Posted by Leigh131313

Personally - I'd have issues with your preschool, not your preschooler.

That's the one thing I've been THRILLED about with M's preschool ....they love who he is, his attitudes and all, they are just helping me to CHANNEL it for good as opposed to evil. LoL

I totally agree!! Children that have spirit are immediately labelled as "difficult". Guess what! I'd much rather have a child with pepper than a push-over.

When our DH was 4, he had a pre-school teacher that wasn't "strong" enough for him, didn't know how to set him borders. After several meetings, etc. DH told her this:

I am glad that my son is spirited and stands up for himself. The kids that make the news for doing something terrible are usually the quiet ones no one ever noticed.

DH also suggested that she needed ritalin and therapy, not our son. (Yes, she was that bad. She is no longer employed by the local pre-school, so my little one won't have to suffer through her.)

The pre-school teachers that followed had no problems with my son and he is now known for being a well-behaved child.

[lonni]

Originally Posted by Leigh131313

Personally - I'd have issues with your preschool, not your preschooler.

That's the one thing I've been THRILLED about with M's preschool ....they love who he is, his attitudes and all, they are just helping me to CHANNEL it for good as opposed to evil. LoL

I agree 100% with you. I had a teacher who told my (ad.) mom she was going to "break" my spirit. What she did to me would now land her in jail as abuse.

[lovemy2boys]

I wouldn't be overly concerned...I assist in my son's preschool class, and many of the kids do similar things. We just try to redirect...that's basically what kiddies are learning in preschool - socialization with other kids and adults.

As for the teacher, maybe she's just keeping you informed as to what's going on...Although it is strange that she'd tell you that she wanted Kelcee to listen more...I mean, don't we all? lol

I'd try to peek into the classroom to see what's going on and how the teachers handle the "situations" if you get the opportunity.

[loveajax]

Denise, I have been where you are at just in the last few weeks. My DD has always been cared for (3 days a week) by my SIL. SIL also watches another niece. DD bit her two weeks in a row....of course, fighting over some stinking toy. I had a friend over with her kid and any time the kid touched one of DD's toys, she had a meltdown. So compared to DD, Kelcee sounds like an angel!!

Ironically, we put DD in the Y preschool/daycare and I think because she gets knocked around herself, her behavior has improved DRAMATICALLY. What Kelcee is doing is totally normal....it's like Lord of the Flies with three year olds...! They are all feeling their way around, trying to "establish" themselves, etc.

I hate even writing about DD's biting because she is such a total sweet, loving kid and now I feel like she'll be labeled a "monster"! I think if you step back and realize it's a phase, you will feel much better (though I cried all weekend when we had to take her out of SIL's care!).

hang in there!!!!!!!!!!