[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by belleinblue1978

There is no birthfather's day.

Birthmother's day was started as a way to reflect together as birthmother's. It was never meant to be a day to recieve cards etc.

I do think it would be appropriate for aparents to give their children's bmoms "thinking of you" cards on Bmom's Day.

[tanmansmom]

Okay, I totally feel like a heel, I have never given TJ's bmom a card for bmom's day or mother's day, she doesn't either. We are only semi open and it is really only one way, I send updates and pictures once-in-a-while, but she doesn't respond unless I ask her a specific question. For those of you in a very limited semi-openadoption, do you send cards?

[belleinblue1978]

Originally Posted by taramayrn

I do think it would be appropriate for aparents to give their children's bmoms "thinking of you" cards on Bmom's Day.

I'd agree with that. I just don't like the "celebration" type idea. I guess for me, it just isn't much to celebrate.

[thanksgivingmom]

Agreed - I would definitely appreciate a "thinking of you" card, but for me, like a "HAPPY BIRTHMOTHERS DAY! card that seemed celebratory would be innappropriate. Does that make sense?

I would be super touched if DD's mom did anything though - as of now it feels like she doesn't realize that the day - week? - has an impact on me.

[julie23]

this is our first mother's day with our new baby... she will be two months old on Mother's day...

i can't get past the idea that this is really painful and difficult day for a mom that has made an adoption plan...

While my husband and children will be celebrating ME on Mother's Day... and I will be the recipient of all those priceless home made gifts... and i will get breakfast in bed... and I will have a free pass on chores for the day.... and even in CHURCH I will be celebrated... there is almost no way of avoiding mothers day.... for me

or for my daughters birthmother...

and my daughters mother is out there ... most likely alone... (she does not have a boyfriend or husband to celebrate mother's day for her) ...most likely incredibly sad... perhaps even depressed.... there may be a small part of her that is happy for her daughter... that she has a different kind of life than she could provide...

but mostly... she is probably alone and feeling like dirt...

and there isn't any doubt in my mind that she is thinking about her daughter and the fact that she is not mothering her...

Mothers day probably makes her feel like a complete failure on a very deep level...

and since i cannot tolerate the image of a celebration for me.... (who, by the way, gets all the joy in this adoption deal!!)... and the image of her alone... and sad... and empty...

well... of course i am sending something.... and since i haven't any idea of what type of gift she would like to receive, i am sending pics of her daughter.... a mothers day card.... and a gift card to Denny's so she can go out to breakfast on Mother's Day...

julie

[dkb60]

As a Birthmom, Mother's Day was day I dreaded. I remember one year when Dairy Queen gave out free sundays for Mother's Day. My brother, sister and I stopped with our mom after church. They gave my mom one. The person working happened to be a high school classmate of mine and said to me "well, I suppose you technically qualify but no one really wants to think what you did so you should just probably pay for yours." I think of that statement every year. I didn't ask for a free treat. I knew no one thought Mother's Day was meant for me. It is truly amazing how insensitive people can be. My absolute favorite is when in church they have all the moms stand and in particular they ask all the amoms to stand because they are "extra special" because they have "taken in the abandoned of the world out of the goodness of their heart". If that didn't make me feel like a heel.

Sorry, Just needed to vent.
D.

[Vogi2002]

I am sending a Happy Birthmother's Day Card, but on Mother's Day. Actually...C "helped" me write "Happy Birth Mommy's Day" on the front and "I (heart) U & Miss U" in the middle. With an outline of his hand on the front page, and his foot on the back.

I guess I want to celebrate her place in Cs life. While I think it is appropriate to do this, I also feel like it should be ON Mother's Day...because it isn't any less or more KWIM?

I don't know...each person is unique and she won't share with me how she feels or anything else right now so I have to just hope that this is good.

I also sent pictures (about 15 of them) and a letter...first one I have sent in almost a year due to extinuating circumstances, but hopefully it will open the lines of communication again. Now it's up to her!!

But I am glad I sent it. Last year I gave her a Mother's Day card from us....I still can't decide which I like better.

[KarynB]

Our guys were adopted internationally so we have no contact with their birthmothers - but I will be attending a birthmother's vigil held in our city at 7:00 on Birthmother's day...just to send them out some thoughts and recognize their losses.