[solarscarlet]

Do you send your child's birthmom something for Mother's Day??

For those of you that don't know... our baby girl Sophia was placed in our arms on March 17th, so we are still new to having communication with birthmom (just letters/pictures right now). It's so new & I'm sure that she's still dealing with her grief.....however, I'm wondering if it would be okay to send her something small??

What do you think?? What have you done in the past or what are you planning to send this Mother's Day??

Thanks!!

[devildogwife]

I've been thinking about this too and am curious to see the responses.

[sbaglio]

We were wondering the same thing. Our DD is 11 weeks old. We spoke about it with our SW, and she suggested sending her a "Thinking of You" card around the day, then making more of her birthday (with a gift etc). Though she is our DD's only mother and we have a completely open relationship with her, we want to somehow be secure in our role as DD's parents, KWIM? I'm interested also to hear what others have to say..

[SupaModel]

I was thinking same thing too. Our TPR hearing is May 15th so i'm afraid to send anything until after TPR is done.

[HansenFamAZ]

Funny, but my children's bparents all called me last year to wish me a happy mother's day. =) DD was only a week and half old so I was so out of it and did not think to send anything. When they called me it was a welcomed surprise.

[mrskt]

We're thinking about this too... our emom is far from home and without her family and son, and having a hard time with being homesick. I know she'll appreciate it, I just don't know what to do!

Katy

[RavenSong]

I think it's really sweet that you want to send Sophia's bmom a gift for Mother's Day. As a birthmother, I remember how hard that first Mother's Day was after I relinquished my son.

I was trying to think of some gift ideas that might be appropriate. Have you thought about giving her a locket with Sophia's picture in it? Another possibility would be a bracelet with Sophia's birthstone. A framed photograph would always be welcomed, IMO. I like the idea of a "Thinking of You" card ~ it will mean a lot to her!

[chrisandaaron]

I usually send a card to DS's bmom. However, she has another child that she is parenting, so "Happy Mother's Day" feels very appropriate to me. I still think "Happy Mother's Day" could be appropriate, but it may be harder if bmom doesn't have other kids at home. I have always kicked around the idea of a small gift, but I have never heard from DS's bmom so I'm not even sure she gets the letters/cards that I send. Usually I send something small around Christmas.

Thanks for the reminder to get my card in the mail!

[portlowski]

We are in an open adoption and last year was our first mother's day. My son's birthmom and I took him to the zoo on the Saturday before Mother's Day, which some people refer to as "Birthmother's Day". I gave her a book of Shakespeare sonnets (she is an actress) and a card. She gave me some bath prodcuts from the Gap. This year I am taking a bit of a bigger leap...I am giving her a bracelet that includes her birthstone and my son's birthstone. Once again we will spend Saturday together.

I think the most important thing is acknowledgement on that special day. If you do that even with a card it will mean a lot. If you have been through infertility you know how hard mother's day can be, and I can imagine it is compounded for birthmoms. Do what feels right for your particular relationship. I am sure it will be appreciated.

And happy mother's day to you!!

[court5505]

We always send DD's bmom a Mother's Day card. I guess sometimes it might be a "Thinking of You" card, I'm not sure. Now that DD is old enough to somewhat participate, I usually have her make something for a gift. I think we are going to go to one of those "paint your own pottery" places and have her make her something there. Prior to this year, I have just done something simple with DD's hand print or foot print on it. There are all kinds of crafts you can do with those at any age.

[Leigh131313]

In our family, Mother's and Father's day is all about myself and dh (and of course our parents as well!!). We do not include birthfamilies on these days.

[Mommy24]

Just wanted to chime in with a birth mom perspective. For me, Mother's Day is STILL a hard day and I now parent 4 wonderful kids, to be acknowledged by my son's mother would make my day! I will send her a card as well.

[lovemy2boys]

We send cards to our boys firstmoms...and they draw pictures.

I know many of your children are too young for this, but what about stamping their handprints or footprints on a piece of paper and writing something if you are leaning towards sending something?

[fisbaby]

I'm the same as Leigh, Mother's and Father's Day will just be about us (and parents). We did send our 6 month update but didn't include anything about Mother's Day in it.

[luvmylittlegirls]

Originally Posted by sbaglio

Though she is our DD's only mother

You are your DD's current mother, the person presently doing the job of mothering her. That doesn't take away from the fact that her birthmom will always have a special place in her life and gave your DD the amazing gift of life, but please don't tell yourself that she's her "only mother." I think we can care so deeply about the feelings of birthmoms that we shortchange ourselves as our children's day-to-day moms. Entitlement to parent was hard to come by for me, but it's made me a better mother to my beautiful daughter. You're your DD's mother. Just ask her (if she can talk yet!)

Back on topic... I think the "Thinking of You" card is a lovely idea.