[MichaelandBobie]

Hello all,

My name is Michael. My wife and I am from Maryland. We have been trying to start a family going on 5 years now and have hit more dead ends than you can imagine (or maybe you can...). We tried adoption in the beginning and couldnt afford it nor did we have the resources necessary at that time... We moved to Maryland 2 years ago to much better jobs and a stable life, but we're not happy. We want to be parents and have tried so so so hard and just seem to fail at finding the right information or the right direction! We have great jobs and are in great financial shape, but the costs for adopting are astronomically high and not proportionate to the cause really. After trying in vitro and having our insurance change at the last minute to a provider that doesn't cover it... we were and still are devistated! We've called many many agencies and the normal range we've encountered was $20,000 for a domestic newborn adoption. Who has that kind of money?? We are saving yes, but it just tears our hearts out every night knowing how long it is going to take to be parents. That little piece inside your heart just being torn more every day just knowing your baby is out there waiting for you and there is nothing you can do. I'm sorry for rambling on but im just lost right now. My wife cries every night and I myself am just tired and devastated. Its so hard to keep going when everything leads to dead ends.

I guess my post here is to ask anyone if they can PLEASE help or offer any advice for how we may be able to have an affordable adoption so we can bring our baby home. We cant get traditional or even special adoption loans (tried countless of times), We don't qualify for any grants (that I know of)... We're just so lost on this it's not funny... Why does this have to be sooo hard? Why do they charge so much money just to facilitate this process? $10-$20,000 for facilitating is absurd!

Isnt there a such thing as private adoptions that allow you to work on-on-one with birth parents? Ive heard about it, but dont know too much...

If you've read this far, I truly thank you for investing your time. I would appreciate any and all advise anyone can offer my wife and I. Again, thank you for your time!

Regards,
Michael & Bobie

[feelingreyt]

I am so very sorry for the pain you and your wife are going through. Words alone can not express how it breaks my heart to hear your story.

As for advice, I probably won't be much help, but here is alittle.... You can try to adopt privately in some States. You hire a lawyer and place ads. I honestly don't know how expensive it would be because you would still need a homestudy and the ads themselves are probably not cheap. Plus, I imagine that it takes longer that way too. It may be option though. Also, if you go this route, get in touch with the hospitals and Health Depts. in your area. Let them know who you are and what you are looking for. We have a teen pregnancy center in our County, check to see if you have any near by as well.

Have you considered foster/adopt programs through your local Dept. Of Children's Services? In most cases the fees asscociated with that type of adoption are very low if any.

Good luck. I pray your child finds you very soon.

[minibus]

I agree with feelingreyt. Try either adoption through the state system (foster-adopt) which is low cost, or try independent adoption, with advertising and finding your own birthparents. You have to do more work in both cases and in both cases the road may be more emotionally difficult, but you could get your child in the end. Best of luck.

[Saya]

Michael, I'm so sorry you and your wife are going through this. I agree with what's been said that the most inexpensive way to adopt a child is through the foster care system - I'm sure the many people here who've gone that route will tell you that it's a wonderful and rewarding way to have a family but is NOT for the faint of heart! My other thought in reading what you've written is to consider the federal adoption tax credit, where you can potentially get around $10,000 back as a tax credit after you adopt. One warning however is that the adoption tax credit currently only lasts through 2010, and I don't think anyone knows if it will be renewed.

My other thought is that some agencies do have sliding scales - mine does, but it doesn't serve your geographic area. Maybe other people can share with you agencies that might have sliding scales in your area? That said though, even with a sliding scale the costs are going to be high.

Also, are there people in your life - parents, grandparents, etc. who might be willing to help you financially with an adoption? It can be hard to ask sometimes, but often family will rise to the occasion.

Good luck to you

[feelingreyt]

Just a quick note about the adoption credit......It reduces your tax liability. It, in itself, is not refundable.
It can raise your refund though, by reducing your tax liabilty, because you can potientally get back more of your federal income tax that you paid in through your employer. If you zero out before the credit comes into play you will not be able to benefit from it. You can, however, roll over what you do use for the next few years.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by MichaelandBobie

Hello all,

My name is Michael. My wife and I am from Maryland. I would appreciate any and all advise anyone can offer my wife and I. Again, thank you for your time!

Regards,
Michael & Bobie

I'm in Maryland. I sent you a PM with agencies that charge a low flat fee or charge on a sliding scale.

[hope.4.Ali]

Michael,

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. A day without tears seems to be the exception for me these days. My husband and I have also tried in vitro (no help from insurance) without success and are now trying the adoption route. When people say money doesn't buy happiness - they've never been through what we have.

I agree with the previous responses - foster/adopt is a cheaper route. However, the more I learned about it, I realized at this time my heart wouldn't be able to handle falling in love with a child that could be reunified with his/her bio parents. I have a lot of respect for those who can.

Other options may include: adopting a minority infant (I heard some agencies offer cheaper fees - however ours is the same for any race), or adopting embryos (depending on your infertility issue - google Bethany adoption or snowflake adoption).

Just an FYI, we only had to pay our agency 1/3 of the adoption costs up front for the homestudy and classes. We are currently saving the rest while we wait to be matched. The rest of the fees are not due until we legally adopt the child (in WI - 6 months after the child is placed with us...or until we have all the money saved).
Just something to keep in mind.

I wish you and your wife the best of luck during this journey.

[mdesi]

Hi Michael,

I am in the same boat as you are. We have spent thousands of dollars on infertility treatments with only miscarriages and tears to show for it - and debt.

I really did my research in my area and found what you are finding. After finding out that the agencies all required that I retain a lawyer on top of their fees, I decided to call a lawyer to find out what they do. In my state, AZ, you can adopt independently (through a lawyer), and the cost is at least half of what all the agencies were charging - That included the expectant mother's counseling, legal fees, and support.

I don't know what the laws are in Maryland, but it is worth looking into on your part.

Also, there was a thread last week in which people shared what they paid for their adoption. Many had adoptions well under $15K, so it can be done. You just have to be tenacious.

I know that it seems really unfair that after all the other things that you and your wife have been through that now you would have to work so hard to adopt, but once you take the dive a new peace will come over you.

Melissa

[chrisandaaron]

Just wanted to say hang in there. It can be done. We did an private infant adoption through an agency for close to $10,000 total. It took 2 years, but we did get every penny back through the tax credit. $10K is a lot to come up with in the beginning, but eventually we did get it ALL back.

Good luck!

[BrandyHagz]

Please remember all discussion of Adoption Services (even those that are MATCHING AND FACILITATION SERVICES ONLY) must be done via PM!

Thanks

[cxk04d]

Steven Curtis Chapman (a christian singer) is an adoption advocate and he has a website where you can apply for adoption grants. You might look into that. Best of luck to you. I know it is a long and trying road.

[Mommytinkerbell]

Hi. Please keep trying to adopt! You will be so happy when you finally succeed and have your own beautiful baby to love. My dh and I have adopted two babies whom we got at birth but had to wait for the birth parents rights to be terminated. That took 2.5 years for my son and over a year for my daughter. It was a very happy yet very strange scary time for us. If you can do like we did, then go for foster/adopt. Take newborns if that is all you want to try for, we've had 9 newborns, some we were just fostering because we love babies and had some while our baby was their age and so wouldn't have chosen to adopt anyway. Good luck. Oh and we had to intervene at court with our own attorney but ended up winning the case for our son, it was over $8,000.00, but included the $1,500 adoption finalization fees. My daughter's case was much easier. She was the 9th baby born to her birthmom, all taken by CPS.. and the bmom has since had another baby and they cannot locate them at this point. My son was baby number 4 for his bmom. I hope it all works out for you all. Coming here can at least help you see that you aren't the only ones going thru this. We are waiting for baby #3. It's been over a year and we are about to lose the 3rd baby we've had this year. You must remember they aren't yours just yet. It's hard but has been so worth it.

Let us know how it's going. We want to support you and your wife. We know how hard it is.

Hugs, Selina

[Steph-Jason]

Michael,
I'm so sorry for what you & your wife have gone through. My husband & I have just finished our 4th & final IVF treatment without success & have started the adoption route. I have heard that it can be cheaper to do it independently & hire an attoryney, but I don't know if all states allow this. This is at least worth looking into. I understand your feelings & frustrations during all of this. Crying & heart ache was the norm for us as well but thankfully we've been doing much better & are excited to begin the process. Please keep me updated during your journey & hang in there. I'll keep you guys in my prayers.

[aallen25]

If your state does allow private adoptions I would highly recommend looking into that. We paid under $6,000 total for our daughter's adoption. We did not even look into agencies and went straight to an adoption attorney because we couldn't afford even a $10,000 adoption let alone $20k or more. Don't give up!

[sbaglio]

We're also in Maryland. I sent you a PM. Don't despair!