[Blessed2x.]

Hello I have read on-line that there is a holiday called Birthmother's Day that some people celebrate the day before Mother's Day. There are even cards made especially for this day. What do you think about Birthmother's Day vs. Mother's Day? Do you recognize one or the other for your children's birth mothers? Thanks

[mg1970]

Sounds like Hallmark has an occassion and product for everything.

M

[feelingreyt]

LOL, M. Hallmark is always looking forward to the next Hoilday, aren't they!

[Saya]

Personally, I don't like this idea. It feels like just another way to try to decide who is the "real" mom, and I find that counterproductive. I would prefer to honor my daughter's birth mother on Mother's Day itself - she is her mother, afterall. The fact that I'm her mother too doesn't change that. Just my two cents.

[Leigh131313]

I don't think there is a "vs" needed...

Some chose to honor on Birthmothers day, some stick with Mother's day. Other's don't celebrate either for birthparents.

We don't celebrate on either day for M's birthmom. Nor do we celebrate anything for his birthfather.

tho I know people who do

[Blessed2x.]

Leigh said:

I don't think there is a "vs" needed...

I agree Perhaps people can just share their thoughts on how/if they observe these days, or just their thoughts

Thanks!

[aclee]

and hopefully I won't be attacked here, but I'm very very conflicted on the mother's day celebration. Ty's bmom refers to me as his Mom. Obvisouly I refer to myself as his mom, but can realize I'm not his "only" mom. At the same time, I want to scoop him up and curl him into me and say...mine. I know it's not right, and I have love and respect for the woman who made him, and blessed us with him. I know that on that day she will be thinking of him. At the same time, I would rather send her a card on his birthday. Does that make any sense? I don't know how to explain it, but for us, his birth and that DAY was the amazing thing she did for us that I want to recognize. I guess I DO want to be selfish and keep the traditional mothers day for me, even in our untraditional family. Sort like I want to enjoy that day, and not every year be "forced" to remind myself that yes, I didn't give birth to Ty.

I'm not making this sound very nice. Honestly I'm not the selfish nitwit I sound like! I think part of it might be emotional because this will be my 1st mothers day too, so it's so very special

For us the same goes for Father's day since Ty's bmom and bfather are together. Does anyone feel differently about fathers day than mother's day? Both Ty's paretns signed surrenders and made the court appearance.

Well that's my 2 cents from a clearly confused amom

[Pris]

I commed you for thinking of the Bmom. I happen to be one. I never got cards on moms day and honestly did not expect one. (It would have been noce, but not expected). Once a year I received a letter from the parents tell me all about my daughter and I was happy with that. You are the mom now. Enjoy your day.

[paigeturner]

Originally Posted by aclee

and hopefully I won't be attacked here, but I'm very very conflicted on the mother's day celebration. Ty's bmom refers to me as his Mom. Obvisouly I refer to myself as his mom, but can realize I'm not his "only" mom. At the same time, I want to scoop him up and curl him into me and say...mine. I know it's not right, and I have love and respect for the woman who made him, and blessed us with him. I know that on that day she will be thinking of him. At the same time, I would rather send her a card on his birthday. Does that make any sense? I don't know how to explain it, but for us, his birth and that DAY was the amazing thing she did for us that I want to recognize. I guess I DO want to be selfish and keep the traditional mothers day for me, even in our untraditional family. Sort like I want to enjoy that day, and not every year be "forced" to remind myself that yes, I didn't give birth to Ty.

I'm not making this sound very nice. Honestly I'm not the selfish nitwit I sound like! I think part of it might be emotional because this will be my 1st mothers day too, so it's so very special

For us the same goes for Father's day since Ty's bmom and bfather are together. Does anyone feel differently about fathers day than mother's day? Both Ty's paretns signed surrenders and made the court appearance.

Well that's my 2 cents from a clearly confused amom

You sound perfect to me. Enjoy your day!!! Funny story, my first "parented" mother's day, my husband bought me lingerie. After opening my "gift", I said, "this isn't a present for me...it's a present for you!" Funny, I said something similar our first Christmas together when he bought me a dust-buster and a fry daddy...so I could cook and clean. Amazing we've been married so long.

BTW on the other thread I stated that I thought this was another excuse for a "hallmark holiday".

[loveajax]

Maybe it's because DD's birth mom parents two other girls (and has a child older than DD), but the thought of a "separate" mothers' day seems silly to me. She is also a mother (to DD and her other kids) on Mother's Day so I call her then. (we see each other right around that time for DD's bday and I give her a gift).

I understand birth mother's day may have a different "significance" historically ( a day for bonding, etc.), but that to me is different than having DD "celebrate" her birth mom on a different day.

[court5505]

Not to put a different spin on things, but this has been bothering me for the last two years and this seemed like the perfect thread to post about it.

For the past two years (3 actually because we met bmom before Mother's Day) I have sent her a card from DD (us the first year). I have never heard from her on Mother's Day and normally I wouldn't expect to. However, she ALWAYS calls DH on Father's Day and the first year she got him a present. It kind of bothers me, but I know it shouldn't. Do you think that it's just because Mother's Day is a hard day for her? It infuriates DH and he wants to say something to her, but I won't let him. I'm the one that arranges all of the visits, sends the pictures, buys the presents, etc. It's not like DH is more involved with our relationship because it's actually the opposite. I guess it would be nice if she would either acknowledge both of us or neither of us. Know what I mean? Thoughts?

[paigeturner]

Mother's day is probably very difficult for her. I don't acknowledge it today for myself; 25 years later. And I have two parented children. You get the child...your husband gets a card...big deal. Let it go.

[Celesyee]

Originally Posted by court5505

Not to put a different spin on things, but this has been bothering me for the last two years and this seemed like the perfect thread to post about it.

For the past two years (3 actually because we met bmom before Mother's Day) I have sent her a card from DD (us the first year). I have never heard from her on Mother's Day and normally I wouldn't expect to. However, she ALWAYS calls DH on Father's Day and the first year she got him a present. It kind of bothers me, but I know it shouldn't. Do you think that it's just because Mother's Day is a hard day for her? It infuriates DH and he wants to say something to her, but I won't let him. I'm the one that arranges all of the visits, sends the pictures, buys the presents, etc. It's not like DH is more involved with our relationship because it's actually the opposite. I guess it would be nice if she would either acknowledge both of us or neither of us. Know what I mean? Thoughts?

Not sure if this is the situation in your case, but from what I remember, this dynamic is often mentioned in adoption books and magazines. To some birthmom the APs, particularly the [adoptive] mom represent what she could have been and this often creates some resentment towards the [adoptive] mom.

[taramayrn]

Can I say as a birthmom, that is isn't about the day you acknowledge your child's bmom, it's the fact that you do. Please acknowledge her role in your child's life, please tell her how much she means to you.

I would kill to have a card like that from my son's parents.

Also just be aware that Mother's Day can be one of the most painful days for birthmothers. An acknowlegement of that can mean the world of difference. So, if you don't feel comfortable sending a Mother's Day card maybe consider sending a "thinking of you" card.

[taramayrn]

My post from the other thread explaining a bit more about Birthmother's Day for those who aren't overly familiar with the significance.

I, personally, see the value in both days. Birthmother's Day is a day for me to share my experience with other birthmothers and to acknowledge the loss and the experience of being a birthmother.

There are some who think Birthmother's Day is a day of celebration, and for me it's not. It is a day to honor and acknowledge that loss and the connection between the birthmother and the child.

Mother's Day is a day to celebrate my motherhood.

Regardless of the day the acknowledgement from my son's adoptive parents would be huge and would honestly make my year. I'm inviting my son's mom to come with me to our agency's annual Birthmother's Day event, which I am involved in planning. Hoping she will come.