[crick]

Oceans, yes, I agree it was originally started for those reasons you stated. I think that what it's intentions were and what it's turned into are very far apart now.

Hallmark sucks.

[taramayrn]

I guess if you don't want to acknowledge your child's bmom on either Mother's Day or Birthmother's Day then don't. Bottom line.

I have gone 8 years without acknowledgement from my son's parents on any day, so I will continue to go on as I have.

Birthmother's Day originated because while birthmothers are mothers on some level our experience and mothering experience is very different and unique. But those birthmothers who started the day realized that we need and deserve to be recognized.

Birthmother's Day is not a celebration so please do not send a "Happy Birthmother's Day" card....it is a day for birthmother's to not be ashamed anymore, to come out of the woodwork and stand and say that we are proud of our children.

Like I said, if you don't feel like you should acknowledge the bmom on either day then don't. All I ask is that you acknowledge the bmom on some day. If she doesn't acknowledge you as an adoptive parent I'm sorry - that's wrong, but let's not make this a tit for tat kind of thing.

I'm sorry, this is an issue very close to my heart and I really believe there is a need for birthmothers to attend a day such as a Birthmother's Day event where they can be acknowledged and where they can acknowledge the connection between them and their child.

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by Oceans

I wouldn't give that a second thought... i have never heard a bmom say she was jealous of the aparents but maybe I'm off base... I can see how it would be an assumption tho...

In the beginning I was jealous of my son's parents. I very much saw them as the enemy for a few months. That was just part of my "angry" grief stage and wasn't overly long lived.

[taramayrn]

Birthmother's Day is not a day for you to feel guilty that you are parenting your children. That's not what it's about at all, it's just a day that we can acknowledge our experience as birthmothers and if we get acknowledged as birthmothers by the parents of our children then that's great. I know some adoptive parent's who don't feel comfortable with acknowledging their child's bmom on Mother's Day and so they chose to do so on Birthmother's Day.

[Lilly's Mommy]

Just had to add this about Hallmark...

Last year I was there looking for a Mother's Day card for Lilly's birthmom. I actually asked a sales clerk for help in finding something that was worded appropriately, and mentioned Birth Mother's Day in the conversation. She had no idea there was such a thing, and they didn't have any cards for it. If they do now, that's a new thing, at least for my Northern California stores.

With all of the talk of Hallmark on this thread, I just thought it funny that my experience with them was one of cluelessness last year.

[DebCsMom]

I didn't read every post but there is a web site created by a birth mom who makes cards especially for Birth Mother's Day.

We personally recognize the children's Birth Moms on Mothers Day. They also call or send ME a card on Mother's Day!

Deb

[crick]

Tara - that's just it...it should be a day for bmom's to come together and acknowledge your experiences, feelings etc. So that's why I get confused now when I hear of others say "well, it's now taken over by amoms who are too selfish to share the "REAL" day with us." (not saying you specifically, just have read/heard it before)

If the day's intention is nothing to do with amom's, and it shouldn't, because it is for bmoms, then I'm unclear why some seem to put an emphasis on what an amom should/should not do for the day, kwim? Or why some seem to feel that it's been turned into a "token" day, when the whole thing was started as a way to be acknowledged and honored. Why has that seemed to changed over the years?

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by crick

Tara - that's just it...it should be a day for bmom's to come together and acknowledge your experiences, feelings etc. So that's why I get confused now when I hear of others say "well, it's now taken over by amoms who are too selfish to share the "REAL" day with us." (not saying you specifically, just have read/heard it before)

Thanks for clarifying Crick. I have no idea why someone would say it's a day taken over by amoms?! I see Birthmother's Day and Mother's Day as two completely different days with two totally different meanings, etc.

I think it would be nice if adoptive parents acknowledge their child's birthmom on one of those two days. But if you don't feel comfortable then that's fine, but all I ask is that you acknowledge them sometime.

[taramayrn]

To be honest with you, I would love it if I was acknowledged with a "thinking of you card" on birthmother's day, or even a mother's day card, but I also understand if they just can't.

I wouldn't care so much if I was acknowledged at all. I think sometimes people get wrapped up in big forms of acknowledgement. I would just die if I had a "thinking of you" card telling me that they love me or something like that.

[taramayrn]

I'm sorry, stepping off my soap box....

[court5505]

Originally Posted by taramayrn

To be honest with you, I would love it if I was acknowledged with a "thinking of you card" on birthmother's day, or even a mother's day card, but I also understand if they just can't.

I wouldn't care so much if I was acknowledged at all. I think sometimes people get wrapped up in big forms of acknowledgement. I would just die if I had a "thinking of you" card telling me that they love me or something like that.

Would you rather have a card from your child or his/her parents or all of them together? I'm never quite sure how to sign the card.

[thanksgivingmom]

Originally Posted by crick

If the day's intention is nothing to do with amom's, and it shouldn't, because it is for bmoms, then I'm unclear why some seem to put an emphasis on what an amom should/should not do for the day, kwim?

For me, my birthday's completely about me, but I still have an opinion of what I want my friends or family to do on the day - recognize it

In some way it's the same thing - Birthmothers Day has for me been (the one year I have been a birthmom) about connecting with other birthmothers and recognizing our shared experiences. While it's not an experience that I share with DD's Mom, I would be so touched and honored if she recognized my role.