[solarscarlet]

Hello Everyone!!

I just have a few minutes & I had a quick question. I am trying to get some pictures together of "our little princess" to send to her birthmom with a little note telling her how well she is doing. She is having a difficult time with all of this. But I'm nervous because I'm not sure what I should write. Is there a right way to do this? I was thinking about sending her a little something to thank her for bringing "our little princess" into our lives. What do you think??

Any ideas/suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!

[Ztcr_Ma]

Just tell her how things are going, how the baby is, what the doctor said at her first appointment. Describe a typical day. And then some pictures. Our SW told us to just be upbeat. We emailed our birthmom & BF for 3 months after we got our DD (in an email account that couldn't be traced to us) and then stopped checking the email and let it expire. We still send pics/letters 2 times a year (via snail mail & the agency)

Whatever you do, make a copy for the baby book. We kept ALL correspondence between us & them and now she LOVES to read "HER STORY" and she is 4 years old.

[Oceans]

I think sending her a small gift would be nice. Maybe a charm where you keep half and she had the other. Maybe an inscription would be nice. Something like that. It doesn't have to be expensive.

It's tough in the beginning. Just stay in touch. Knowing that you wont stop contact will help her heal more than you know.

[Scatterbrain]

We gave a heart shaped locket to each of our children's firstmoms with a picture of the baby inside the locket. I think lots of pictures are a good idea.

[belleinblue1978]

I never wanted to be thanked.... I gave my son a gift, he wasn't the gift... that is just my personal opinion however.

Just stay in touch, do what you say you will. Send some pictures and talk about milestones. Don't forget to ask about her, it is really tough when you go from being the important one to feeling nearly non existant.

[thanksgivingmom]

Originally Posted by belleinblue1978

I never wanted to be thanked.... I gave my son a gift, he wasn't the gift... that is just my personal opinion however.

Just stay in touch, do what you say you will. Send some pictures and talk about milestones. Don't forget to ask about her, it is really tough when you go from being the important one to feeling nearly non existant.

I have to agree completely. Share information about your life as well as ask about hers. I agree with the "gift" part as well...my daughter wasn't a gift to anyone.

Remember, correspondence in the beginning is hard on everyone, so if you don't hear back right away it doesn't mean lack of interest. If you hear lots back right away it's just very hard finding the line. You're laying the groundwork for this relationship (if it's an open adoption that you plan on keeping that way) so baby steps are okay. I'm a year and a half in and still stumbling along sometimes It's okay to be nervous!

[Oceans]

I was thinking about sending her a little something to thank her for bringing "our little princess" into our lives. What do you think??

Ummm....Yeah. I see the other's point. I wouldn't give (or say) it was a "Thank You" gift. But I still think a gift is a nice idea if it's personal and related to your daughter like the locket or the charm. Something that says, I saw this and thought of you.

A gift certificate... No.

[devildogwife]

I agree. I have never felt comfortable thanking Cameron's birth mom. We've sent 2 letters (and pics) so far. I included his height, weight, funny little characteristics about him, etc. I also know she is very worried about his CHD, so I always let her know what's going on with that.

[Ztcr_Ma]

We gave her some earrings with DD birthstone in them. That way, she could wear them if she wanted and she knew what they meant and didn't have to explain it to everyone.

We also gave her a stuffed animal and showed her our DD had the exact same one. We take pics of DD with it and include in the pics we send every year.

[cxk04d]

This was hard for me at first also. I think it gets easier with each letter. I always ask about her life first. I want her to know that we care about her too. Then just update about DD's new milestones. We gave her a necklace and ear rings with DD's birthstone also. She seemed to appreciate this.

[zempagirl]

I know the first letter that I sent to our bmom. I just talked about what he was doing. doctor appt, things we have noticed about him, if their was a holiday talk about how that was, and lastly I told her how blessed we felt to have our son in our lives and that we love her and think of her everyday.. Then I sent a ton of pictures.

Our bmom says she gets excited everytime she gets a letter she is thrilled to know what he is up to. So even little things mentioned in a letter are very exciting to the bmom. I think a little gift like a picture frame, photo album for the pictures you send, or a charm are great gifts to let her know that you are thinking of her.