[Kansasgirl]

So I found out yesterday that my sister in law is pregnant. I emailed her today to congratulate her and to ask if she is showing yet. This was her reply:

"Not showing yet, just look pudgy in the stomach area. We go to Cabo in March so I will have to invest in a tankini to cover the blubber."

I replied back to hersaying, "You will not have blubber. You will have a beautiful miracle growing inside of you."

[HBV]

It's all about perspective, isn't it?

[Beth.]

My SIL is the same way. I think my "favorite" was, "I can't wait to get this thing out of me" when she was pg w/ my nephew. Obnoxious things fall out of her mouth all of the time and she's always offending someone.

It's hard not to let it upset me, but she will probably never get it. I just keep reminding myself that she is a good mom and my nephews are happy and healty. It's the best I can do with her.

[Kansasgirl]

You got it HBV.

It's funny because they were having some problems getting pregnant and were going to have to go to a fertility specialist - when I mentioned that if it did not happen for them, that there are always other options like adoption. Her comment was Oh - that will be our last resort. That kind of struck me wrong too. I don't think she realizes just how much I would like to be in her place - and she never will.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I can't believe how come people take things for granted. I have a SIL that is the same way. I also had my friend, MIL, and sister sitting around talking about all the pains of their pregnancies at my son's adoption celebration. I shut them up when I said off handedly...Funny thing, I was craving chocolate and the next day I got a call to come pick up Bug!

[babydubs5]

I'm so sorry your sister in law is so insensitive. some people will never know what they have and cherish it.

my SIL once said to me (on the day we learned our match of over 3 months was going to fall through) that she wanted to trick her husband into getting pregnant with her 2nd (his 1st) before he left for deployment.

I couldn't even reply. My mouth was literally on the floor... I was crying and upset about the failed match (my husband was deployed at the time) and all she could say to me was that....

[ericamhc]

I'm sorry. I had friends I had to stop visiting when I kept miscarrying because all they did was complain about how much they couldn't stand their kids or being pregnant.

[Nalyd_loved_forever]

I guess I have had both types of SILs. One was a bit inconsiderate but I really think it was ignorance coupled with not knowing what exactly to say or do. She once confided that she was afraid of hurting me and my DH, so we were continually left out of the baby update loop.

Now my newest SIL, who is currently pregnant with my niece... Well she is wonderful. She shares everything; the good, the bad, and the ugly. But my situation with her is different. When my DH and I got the phone call about my DS, she was about 10 weeks pregnant. My DS had been home with us for about two weeks when she miscarried. It was hard for her for a while. There would be days when she showed up on my door step in tears and I knew she needed only one thing, to hold my DS in her arms for a little while. Now she is in pregnant again and in her second trimester. All this loss and happiness has brought us closer together, and we share so much.

I hope your SIL will turn out to be like my newest SIL. All of us deserve someone like her in our lives.

Lori

[leenie71]

this sounds horrible, but I'm kind of dreading this particular announcement...my brother-in-law just got married last April, so I know it's coming within the next year. Not that close to my new SIL...not very warm, towards me anyway. I feel like they'll probably be pregnant before we get matched! And I don't want a shower when we do finally get matched, but I'll have to go to hers....I'm sounding like a selfish brat right now! I have to say that she hasn't made insensitive comments, but she just looks at me like I have 3 heads when I've talked about adoption.

Kansasgirl...just curious...did SIL reply back to you?

[hoping4u]

I have 2 SIL's that are currently expecting.
I found out about the one before we were matched. She called me about my niece's b-day party and we were talking. Then she said she had something to tell me but wanted to wait till she could talk to me in person, well she ended up telling me over the phone instead. She told me she was pregnant. She said she wanted to tell me in person to see if I was really happy for her, can you believe that! She wanted to see my reaction. I was so annoyed!

In the mean time we were matched with a EDD of April 26!!! SIL #1 is due 6/4, SIL #2 is due 7/28. Funny thing is I do feel better about it now that I have something to look forward to as well!

Anyway, I just mark it up to ignorance but it's still frustrating!

Sheila

[dawnrenee58]

I would have written back and told her how happy I was that I would never had to deal with that, since I was adopting!!

[Kansasgirl]

Eileen,

No, she never responded when I told her that she is carrying a beautiful miracle inside of her. She probably won't - she probably thinks I was being rude. Ha, whatever.

[vickalina]

I am so glad that I am not alone in feeling this way about SIL's, I have 3. I am very close with one. She was very open with me during her pregnancy and birth and has never said anything hurtful or insensitive to me. In fact she and my brother would let me know in little ways that if I was uncomfortable with any of it to just let her know and she would completely understand! BTW...she was 24 at the time! She is wise beyond her years and a joy to have in my life! Then I have 1 BIL & SIL who didn't tell the whole family that they were expecting until they were 5 months. They said that they couldn't bare to break our hearts! Although I thought this was extremely sensitive and caring, I still felt guilty that they felt that we wouldn't be just as happy for them and would want to celbrate with them ( even if we were sad for us). Then I have a thrid SIL & BIL who are completely and totally oblivious. My SIL basically told me how lucky I was because I didn't have to go through morning sickness and weight gain (she has told me this on more than one occassion) and a BIL who basically said they weren't planning to get pregnant and that he kind of wished that they didn't because now he will have to work longer and out off retirment!!! UGGH!! The things family and friends say that just go straight through your heart!!!!!

[mg1970]

I really don't see anything insensitive about what your SIL said. It really sounds to me like you may be a touch over-sensitive.

I think there is a difference between your SIL talking about how she feels about herself (self concious) and some of the other examples where SIL's made comparisons.

But then I wasn't there and I don't know the relationship.

JMO

M

[Kansasgirl]

I just know how my SIL is and how she acts. I also know that during her pregnancy she will constantly complain that she is fat. She has been on a diet since I have known her - by the way she is stick thin. I just don't believe she will really appreciate just how lucky she really is.