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  #766  
Old 07-24-2008, 07:48 PM
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Beth. Beth. is offline
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Denice, I am so sorry for your loss. Make sure to take care of yourself these next few weeks.
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  #767  
Old 07-24-2008, 08:15 PM
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chrisandaaron chrisandaaron is offline
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Oh Denice-
I'm so sorry! I will be thinking of you and praying for everyone involved. I don't know if this helps, but almost 3 years ago we were supposed to adopt a 3mo little girl named Kamari. We found out right before we left for Disney World and we were supposed to pick her up the day we got home. We bought her some things while we were there, including a Christmas ornament with her name on it. We were on our way to pick her up when the SW called to tell us that her mom had changed her mind. We were heartbroken. It was the only time I have ever seen my dh cry. Anyhow, I held on to the stuff for a while and then I wrapped it up and sent it to her mom. I felt like we had bought it for her and she should still have it. I must say, it was hard, but gave me great closure to mail the stuff off to her mom.
And yes... our new baby Kamari is named after this little girl that we never met, but fell in love with anyhow.

Good luck no matter what you decide.
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Hoping to adopt since Dec. 2004
MOM to PJ homegrown Nov. 8th, 2005
MOM to TD born Feb. 6th, 2006, joined our family Feb. 27th, 2006
MOM to KR born May 20th, 2008, in our arms May 21st, 2008
Am I NUTS or what?
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  #768  
Old 07-24-2008, 08:21 PM
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Linny Linny is offline
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Hugs to you Denise. This has to be so hard coming from knowing and planning for so long. I'm SO SORRY.

You're doing the right thing to not email just now; and, I honestly feel you may find yourself going through all of the stages of grief...meaning, anger may come, etc......
It would all be normal; and as someone else suggested, this could be like losing a child. Heck, it has to be like losing a child.
I wouldn't be too quick to send items to birthmom. I say that, because you never know when your baby will come; and........somehow to me, hanging on to those things just now, may at some point, be a comfort. (As well as needed for the REAL baby....KWIM?)

Take care. I've been in one of those 'I really thought I'd be okay, but I was so hoping this would be MY baby' things. It's not easy. It's hard and you deserve to grieve and go through all of the emotions. Again, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. ((HUG))

Most Sincerely,

Linny
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  #769  
Old 07-25-2008, 03:53 AM
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Jenn4615 Jenn4615 is offline
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Denise
I am so sorry. I will certainly be praying for you and your husband.
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  #770  
Old 07-25-2008, 06:07 AM
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ermiller ermiller is offline
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Denice,

I am sorry to hear this news and what a shock it must feel like after such a long wait.

I will be thinking of you and your family.
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Mommy to Natalie, 11/2004, via domestic open adoption
Waiting since 7/2008 for adoption #2
I too have a blog
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  #771  
Old 07-25-2008, 10:57 AM
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I am so sorry. Give yourself time to grieve, and move on. Maybe mailing the things you bought will help... I'll be thinking of you....
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all the AI attempts insurance would cover and one IVF attempt that insurance did not cover - before July 04
started investigating adoption - July 04
signed with agency - Sept 04
Homestudy complete April 05- "we're in the book!"
Considered May and July 05 - not chosen
DD born August 05 - we're chosen that same day - home in 24 hours
what an awesome baby girl!!! Wish we went right to adoption!!
WE'VE FINALIZED!!! FOREVER OURS 4/28/06

Working on domestic adoption #2 - submitted paperwork early Feb 07.....
In the Books April 1 - no foolin'!!!
Match fell through, end of June - bmom decided to parent.
Disruption of baby girl in August - bmom decided to parent....
Matched - December 2007
Baby born Feb 08 - Welcome Baby Cakes!!
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  #772  
Old 07-25-2008, 01:16 PM
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oh Denice.... it just doesn't seem fair, does it? Thinking of you and sending prayers your way.
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  #773  
Old 07-25-2008, 03:30 PM
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emom wont answer my calls. she did finally send an email saying she saw i callled but that she didnt know what to say. i emailed back. i reminded her that last year i was the one with a baby and she was the one without a baby. i told her - did she want to NOT hear about the baby because she didnt have him ? no. she wanted to know he was happy and i was happy. i needed to know she was happy, the baby was happy, and her kids are happy. so she did send an email with all the info - name, weight, etc. she also sent some photos. although they made me cry, i do feel better knowing he has a safe little crib to lay in. and seeing her smiling was good for me. anyone who has adopted a baby before and has a photo of their birthmom holding the baby knows what a tortured photo that is. this time it was a peaceful happy photo. i know i will get through this. im just not there yet.

thanks for being there for me.

Denice
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  #774  
Old 07-25-2008, 10:25 PM
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Denice, I'm so sorry. You and your family and emom and her family are in my prayers.
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  #775  
Old 07-25-2008, 10:55 PM
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Denice~ I am so sorry for what you are going through. You are in my thoughts and prayers....
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2-5-07 Signed with an agency
6-5-07 We are officially waiting for a match!
2-07-08 We got the call We're Matched! It's a Boy
3-30-08 Got the call- Baby is on his way- So are we
3-31-08 Baby boy born
4-4-08 We are home!
6-28-08 First visit with birthparents- Good day!!!!
8-20-08 Adoption finalized in the courts
8-30-08 Finalization documents received
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  #776  
Old 07-26-2008, 05:58 AM
spischer spischer is offline
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Denice

I am so sorry for you.....thinking of you!
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April 19, 2008 mailed registration
May 3, 2008 mailed application for Domestic Adoption
May 6, 2008....set up homestudy appointments
May 20, 2008 - First homestudy meeting
June 5, 2008 Fingerprinted
June 6, 2008 - Last homestudy meeting and portfolios are handed in!!!!
June 6, 2008 - Officially waiting!!!!!
please....please ring
September 16, 2008 - Matched with baby due on September 25, 2008
September 25, 2008 Baby boy is born!!!!
October 1, 2008 In our arms
October 4, 2008 Home for good after record ICPC clearance in 3 days!!!!

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  #777  
Old 07-26-2008, 01:51 PM
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Denice - My thoughts are with you.
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  #778  
Old 07-26-2008, 07:40 PM
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chrisandaaron chrisandaaron is offline
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Denice-
You are very strong. I know it doesn't feel like it yet, but you are working through this. I can tell by your response and care for this mom.

Hang in there!
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Chris
Hoping to adopt since Dec. 2004
MOM to PJ homegrown Nov. 8th, 2005
MOM to TD born Feb. 6th, 2006, joined our family Feb. 27th, 2006
MOM to KR born May 20th, 2008, in our arms May 21st, 2008
Am I NUTS or what?
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  #779  
Old 07-27-2008, 07:25 PM
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Mom2Many,

I'm so sorry that you have gone through this. I've been thinking about you and hope you are doing ok.
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  #780  
Old 07-27-2008, 09:14 PM
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mandirenee mandirenee is offline
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Mom2Many - I'm sorry that you are hurting and I pray that you will find strength in family, friends, and faith.
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First Adoption: baby boy born August 06
Second Adoption: baby Girl born December 08

God has truly blessed us!
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