[nycfsa]

I just started working again part-time over the summer. We have a sitter for our two boys. She comes to our house at 7am and stays until my husband gets home around 5:30pm.

The problem is that my husband travels abroad frequently for business. Then the sitter has to stay until I get home, which is about 6pm at the earliest, and even that requires that I leave work a few minutes early.

We can't put them in a daycare center, since the ones around here are only open 7am to 6pm. I can't get to New York, work a full day, and get home by 6pm guaranteed. The trains run late, my boss comes into my office at the last minute...

The sitter is OK but costs an absolute fortune, plus I have to pay her extra to stay until I get home if my husband is traveling. So we're thinking of getting an au pair. That way, someone would always be here if I can't rush home. It would also be nice to have someone else in the house at night when my husband's gone.

Have you ever had (or been?) an au pair? What should I look for? What sort of interview questions should I ask? Any suggestions would be helpful.

[aclee]

First, let me just comment that unless your children are older with well developed language and behavioral skills already, I would not recommend an Aupair. I've seen mother's end up quitting their jobs because before they know it their children are using incorrect grammer, and are uncontrolable. An aupair is supposed to be mainly a cultural experience. Most Aupairs are here for the experience of being in America...making friends, traveling and seeing America. All the Aupair companies (which are expensive in an of themselves) advertise how much experience the Aupairs have, but I've never seen an Aupair that was really that experienced in childcare or rearing. They will go out till all hours, come home hours before they are expected on duty, and use their cell phones constantly. I was a Nanny for over 5 years and I had a lot of run ins with Aupairs. Could you consider a live in Nanny instead? Aupairs are also restricted on how many hours they can work (usually 45), so beyond that some will start to get real attitudes and make you get another sitter. I've seen SO many families go through 4-5 Aupairs a year because once they are sick of seeing the city, or they miss their families, they just go home. I've actually only know one family who has had their Aupair for more than a year, and they hired her from Canada. She was a Nanny in Canada, and met a guy here in the US, so they agreed to sponsor her, and the whole nine yards. Honestly, it depends on what you are looking for, if you just want someone to make sure they are alive till you get home, then an Aupair would work. Just know that a lot of them can't even cook...they will say they can, but they can't. I know one family who was trying to explain to their Aupair how to microwave popcorn (which the directions could be hard to understand if English was your second language!) and she just said (like so many of them do!) oh, no, I understand!, and she proceeded to microwave the popcorn for 5 minutes, even while smoke started pouring out of the microwave.

Don't even get me started on the driving...or their lack of health insurance and how one family ended up paying thousands in medical bills for their Aupair...cause she told them she was insured and she wasn't...and had no money. Anyway, we have an extra bed room in our home, and we could hire an Aupair for only a little more than we'll pay in daycare, but I'll never do it. I've just seen to many times what they are like when the parents aren't home cause I was just another "nanny", so they considered me a peer. I've seen it over and over and over...they just aren't over here for the kids.

[Shadowfaerie]

I agree with the previous poster. My friend was an Aupair in Germany. She had NO experience with children, but she had a degree in German and she got to see Germany and France while taking care of two children there.

[Fe2002]

Wow... I know two families that use AuPairs and they have nothing but good things to say about them. I'm surprised at the comments above. Could it be agency related?

NYC, I've PMed you with more information.

[sweetjanes]

Like a lot of things, there are good ones and there are bad ones. That goes for both agencies and au pairs.

Just remember, an au pair is NOT a seasoned child care professional. These are mostly girls (and sometimes boys) who have just graduated from high school (or are young college students) who typically have some babysitting experience and want to experience life in another country. They get a week or so of training before arriving in your home, and there are other requirements if the children are under 2 years old. In my experience, it's a lot like hosting a foreign exchange student. There are definitely flaws in the au pair program in general, so be sure that you fully understand the pros and cons of it all.

Do your research on the agencies. Ask around & see what experiences others in your area have had. Sometimes a really good local coordinator makes all the difference. If you do decide to bring an au pair into your home, be realistic about your expectations. Be VERY specific about what you would like her to do with your children and your home. Be clear about your rules of the house and stick by it. Say for instance you want your au pair to join your family for dinner every night -- make sure you tell her that from the very beginning.

Typically, the cost of an au pair averages out to about $250 - 300 per week. You will shell out a good deal in the beginning to the agency. All au pairs have a government set weekly wage of about $157. Don't forget to add in the extras like car insurance if you expect her to drive. Au pairs have some health insurance through their agencies and that is their responsibility. If you have a LEGAL au pair, health insurance shouldn't be an issue for you.

I was a nanny for several years while I was in college and was a newlywed. I would always recommend a good nanny over an au pair, but maybe you don't have that option. Just educate yourself as best as you can. I wouldn't run out and sign on with an au pair agency just because it's a cheap and convenient alternative to daycare...

Good luck!

[sweetjanes]

Sorry! I wanted to add that if you need someone at your house from 7 am until 6pm to watch your children, an au pair is not likely the best option for you. As a pp said, au pairs may not work more than 45 hours per week. Your situation sounds like 11 hours per day, 55 hours per week. It's a lot to ask a teenager or very young adult to handle...

If your kids are school age, however, she could help you in the morning getting them off to school, and then she would be free until she had to meet them again when they got home until you or your husband returned from work. I can't remember if you mentioned the age of your children...

The au pair program also requires families to contribute $500 so that their au pair can take a college-level course. (I think this is included in the agency quote they give you...)

[nycfsa]

As I mentioned, I work part-time. It's three days per week. I'm aware of the 45 hour per week limit and we would be well under that.

[2manyks]

i would consider a nanny. could you find a college student who has her class days on your home days? this works really well for my neighbor. when we hire a nanny we usually hire her for 2 weeks temporary and see if she works well with our family. they can live in or not. we pay ours a salary. sometimes she travels with us and sometimes we leave her behind. that way the working hours all even out. my neighbor finds her nannys online at a local agency.

[nycfsa]

Our current sitter is a college student. I'm not really happy with her attitude. She does a lot of complaining (behind my back, to the other moms picking up at preschool) about the "long hours". She demanded more money a month after she started working here, even though she's getting about 5 weeks of paid vacation and I'm paying her SS taxes. That's why we started thinking about an au pair in the first place.

[gabsdot]

As others have said Au Pairs are really just mother's helpers, rather than a childcare solution. Here in Europe Au Pairs are usually only expected to work actually take care of children for 20 hrs per week and usually when mother is at home.
Au Pairs are not really an option for working families unless mother works from home and just needs a bit of help.
A nanny might be a better idea. As you only work 3 days maybe you could share a nanny with another family. Nanny's are properly trained childcare professionals.

[2manyks]

some have sour attitudes and some don't. i've been through a ton of them and the lousy ones last a week to a month. the good ones can last for years. my current nanny has been here 3 years. you have to go through the pain of a few bad ones until you find one that just clicks. keep trying new ones until you find one that fits your family. i also think that most nannys get burned out after a year so you have to plan on that - even though mine has lasted 3 years.

[Hope4Kids99]

I agree with the other posts regarding aupairs. If you are considering hiring a nanny, you don't have to go through an agency to do so. There are several excellent sites you can advertise on either for free or as a paid family. I suggest
enannysource.com
gonannies.com
4nannies.com
Just remember, you get what you pay for. Most nannies are experienced & educated, and should be well compensated for their skills. Being a nanny is so much more than a "baby sitter" and should be compensated as such. I am floored by how so many families offer what turns out to be less than minimum wage per hour for 40+ hours per week! And don't even consider contributing towards healthcare benefits. While light housekeeping may be expected, especially when it pertains to the children, the nanny's main responsibility above everything else should be the children. Although there are many things that can be negotiated into the contract. There is also a great nanny message board that has sample contracts, etc. for families to check out. America's Nanny Agency Finder, NannyNetwork.com. Find a Nanny Job Good luck to you in whatever childcare options you choose!

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by nycfsa

Have you ever had (or been?) an au pair? What should I look for? What sort of interview questions should I ask? Any suggestions would be helpful.

I was a nanny for 7 years. I would recommend looking for someone who has been a nanny for at least two years and stayed with the same family at least one year. You don't want someone who moves from family to family.

Also, when you're considering an agency, have a friend call the agency and ask for the info packet for prospective nannies/aupairs. That way you'll know what kind of information they are getting from applicants. The more they want to know, the better. The application should be much more than a name & address form. It should include questions about experience, discipline, education, questions on how they would handle certain situations, their expectations of what life as a nanny will be..etc.

As for questions to ask:
I wouldn't ask questions that they are expecting like "Do you like kids?". And I would ask some of the questions below.

If _____ starts crying and won't stop, what would you do? *You don't want someone who will snap if overwhelmed. Experienced childcare providers should have a plan in place on how to handle stressful situations.
What kind of kid behaviors drive you nuts? *If she says 'none', don't hire her. Everyone is annoyed by something. You want to make sure that your childrens' behavior is something she is comfortable with. For example, if your child jumps on the couch and this is something that she mentions as driving her crazy, you know it's something that could be a problem.
How would you handle a child who was disrespectful and not following any directions?
Again, if she has experience with kids, she should have ideas of how to handle different situations when kids are not on their best behavior.

If your hours are 8am to 6pm but I don't get home until 7:30, will this be a problem?
If the nanny is taking a class or makes plans for after work, she might not want to work late with no notice.


This was my biggest pet peeve. My employer was due home at 6 and she wouldn't walk in until 7 -carrying bags from a department store. Nannies have lives outside of childcare and if they feel you're taking advantage, it can create a lot of problems. It's better to have the hours 9am to 7pm to allow for late trains or last minute meetings rather than to leave the nanny wondering when her day is going to end. Childcare is a tough job and at the end of the day, the nanny is tired. It's important to be respectful of their schedules and lives outside of childcare. You don't want to lose a good nanny because she feels you take advantage of the fact that she lives at your home.
Another pet peeve, some families think nannies are on-call 24/7 because they live at the house. But, again, it's important to remember that if it's not normal business hours, they are "off duty" and you shouldn't rely on them to watch the kids while you run to the store or fix supper.

And finally, I know you mention the sitter costs a fortune. I live in the DC area where nannies were earning 300 to 400 a week back in the early 90's. Some families would try to cut costs by hiring an American au-pair from Utah. As soon as the person made friends with other nannies (which your childcare provider will do) and finds out what other people are being paid (and she will), she'll definately quit for a better paying job. Find out what the average nanny salary is in your area and base your nanny's pay on that figure. And remember, if you go too low, she'll quit as soon as she finds something that pays better. I've never known a nanny or au-pair to remain in a job where they were paid way lower than the area average. People want their pay to be fair. So offer a fair wage for the number of hours that reflects what other nannies/au-pairs are getting in your neighborhood

[mondk]

We live in rural Missouri and I probably couldn't pay a nanny enough to come here, so I hired a sitter for 2 days a week. She comes at 10am and leaves at 6pm. I pay her $80/week, plus $12/hour if she cleans for me while she is here. She is the second sitter I've hired...the first just didn't work out and my current sitter now is wonderful. Sometimes when she comes, I go take a nap then do my out-of-the-house chores which include taking care of my parents some too.

I'm also lucky to have my dad come and stay with us 3 times a week too and he will get up with Joshie for his early morning feeding. My dh is a truck driver and only home on weekends so I love the company I get both from my dad and the sitter.

Hope this helps!

Blessings, Michelle

[nycfsa]

My son's name is Joshie too! It sounds like you have a good arrangement. Unfortunately, I don't have any family in the area, so I don't have the flexibility that you get with that.

I'm paying our current sitter $375/week and she only works 3 days. An au pair would be a little less expensive and would work more hours, plus she'd be here overnight which would be nice when my husband is traveling.