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  #1  
Old 12-10-2007, 02:10 PM
Fran27 Fran27 is offline
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Non religious adoption

I hesitated to post about this but I can't think of a better place to...

We started the adoption process 2 years ago now. We've officially been waiting for 1 1/2 year. It's been really hard, especially as I'm not working and I've been reluctant to start anything knowing it could happen at any time.

The fact is, we're not religious. We have very strong values but we just don't believe in any God... I'm French and we just don't see religion the same way over there. I was part of a mailing list giving potential situations and ended up leaving because every single potential birthmom wanted a Christian couple, and it was very frustrating...

Is anyone in my case, and yet managed to adopt succesfully? We're getting in the long wait range for my agency, and although I'm aware that we are pretty difficult in our criteria (no alcohol, minimum drug, and caucasian only, although I'd really love to change the latter ), I'm worried it's the main issue.

Thanks in advance... getting pretty desperate here
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  #2  
Old 12-10-2007, 03:31 PM
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Neither my husband nor I are religious and we adopted two Caucasian special needs newborns (though we were open to any race). In our case, neither sets of birth parents were religious.

I don't doubt that the fact that we were waiting for an infant with significant special needs shortened our wait considerably, but because our sons' birth parents shared our lack of religious conviction, I don't beleive that worked against us. In fact, it may have worked for us.

You mentioned that you're considering opening yourself to races other than Caucasian. I would think that would certainly shorten your wait, if you're truly comfortable with that.

All the best... Janet
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  #3  
Old 12-10-2007, 03:36 PM
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We were afraid of the same thing. northeasterners, My DH, he was raised Catholic and I am an atheist and we had no plans to raise our children with religion. Our agency is in UT and the first few emoms we saw at a seminar (they had been matched) were definitely looking for "Christian" parents. All that said, we matched in 4 days with the same criteria you have. We now have our oldest (3) and his full bio brother ((18 months). I really believe timing plays a HUGE part in matching as does the type of emoms the agency deals with. Ours has a residential program as seems to attract emoms from very different backgrounds from all over the country.

Best of luck.

A
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  #4  
Old 12-10-2007, 05:05 PM
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Hi Thanks

We adopted with the same Criteria in just over a year.

We do not have a Christian home, it's sort of a mish mash of different holidays (I'm Jewish) and the only thing E's bparents cared about was that he celebrate Christmas every year, which we do. She also knew that we both have great respect for all religions and related to that.

That said we were in a private adoption with lots of time to get to know each other through visits and phone calls.

When we were researching agencies one asked me to remove Jewish from our profile and another flat out rejected us. So it can be an issue.
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  #5  
Old 12-10-2007, 08:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormster
When we were researching agencies one asked me to remove Jewish from our profile and another flat out rejected us. So it can be an issue.


Oh my goodness that's awful Stormster!
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  #6  
Old 12-11-2007, 07:31 AM
Eponine Eponine is offline
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My DH & I are the same as you (although our agency is actually sponsored by the Lutheran Church - that's more a function of our rural area, there are no private agencies, it's either Lutheran or Catholic).

Our CW recommended we put some religion in our profile because it scared off too many PBMs, but we didn't feel it was right to say we are a "Christian" home when we're not. I believe we phrased it as "non-practicing" or something along those lines that was a little less harsh-sounding than atheist because we do have strong values that are more or less Christian - we just don't believe in God or follow a religion. The word "atheist" has a lot of negative connotations in the US so I shy away from describing myself with it in any situation.

Oh, and we've been waiting about 2 1/2 years; open to any race, open to some alcohol/drug use. We were matched earlier this year, but the baby's mom decided to parent him. We are currently matched with another PBM who is due any time now.
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  #7  
Old 12-11-2007, 07:43 AM
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Even though we have not actually completed an adoption, I thought I would reply anyway. We are atheists as well, and we did match with an expectant mom in a relatively short time. I did worry beforehand about this issue, but she really wasn't concerned that we weren't christian. When we talked to her, she didn't seem concerned and was happy to hear us describe our personal beliefs. Of course, our agency recommended that we should put "nonpracticing" on our profile. So, it can happen. To some it is a big deal and to some it is not. I am really sorry you are having to wait so long. Would it be possible for you to change your latter requirement? We will be adopting biracial or African-American only and our expectant mother said there were so few families from which to choose. We really loved her and wish that it had worked out.

I know how you feel about hesitating to get a job; I am in the same boat. It seems as if everything is on hold.

As an aside, it is nice to see some nonreligious folks around here.
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March 2007: Began adoption process again
May 2007: Profile complete and homestudy paperwork complete
June 2007: Homestudy approved
August 2007: Changed our preference from girl to girl or boy
Matched in Aug and Unmatched in Sept to a baby born too soon

January 2008: Matched! Baby boy due February 28th.

Baby boy born March 7th, 2008!

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  #8  
Old 12-11-2007, 08:19 AM
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I knew there was no way I would be picked in a domestic infant adoption. I am single and non religious -- come from a family that is half jewish and half christian. My social worker was wise enough to direct me towards international adoption as she knew I would have an easier time adopting internationally given my circumstances. Which turned out great for me because right before my dossier was ready to go over I realized that I didn't actually want an infant. My adoption took just about 11 months from signing with an agency to bringing home my daughter. I am sad to hear that so many other families who are also not religious have problems not only with potential bmoms but also with the agencies but I have to say that I am not surprised. I wish all of you who are still waiting in this situation a speeding referral/match and a child in your arms soon.

Samantha
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  #9  
Old 12-11-2007, 08:53 AM
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belleinblue1978 belleinblue1978 is offline
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Just to give those of you waiting hope, not all of us that place our children are looking for a couple that is religious, in fact when I placed there were a couple of couples that were ministers in the book, I avoided them. I wanted a couple with values, but a specific religion was unimportant to me.

People label themselves and really don't follow their own labels sometimes. Focus on your values and the importance of those, don't worry about being one way or the other.

Oh, and FWIW, I used Lutheran Social Services to place my child, not because of any kind of faith, but because of the ALL the programs they offer without pushing religion. So, here I am, a woman who at 26 was confused about her faith and using a religious agency, but I knew what I wanted for kiddo.

Have hope, the right situations will find you.
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  #10  
Old 12-11-2007, 09:06 AM
NJNative NJNative is offline
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I am impressed...

That folks on here feel free enough to use the "a" word. I am also an atheist and we adopted through a private adoption quite a few years ago. Fortunately, the subject of religion really didn't come up much during the adoption.

I know that if I was trying to adopt now, I would never be able to just state that I am an atheist. Things have become so polarized around religion -- or lack thereof -- these days.

Robin
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  #11  
Old 12-11-2007, 09:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran27
I hesitated to post about this but I can't think of a better place to...

We started the adoption process 2 years ago now. We've officially been waiting for 1 1/2 year. It's been really hard, especially as I'm not working and I've been reluctant to start anything knowing it could happen at any time.

The fact is, we're not religious. We have very strong values but we just don't believe in any God... I'm French and we just don't see religion the same way over there. I was part of a mailing list giving potential situations and ended up leaving because every single potential birthmom wanted a Christian couple, and it was very frustrating...

Is anyone in my case, and yet managed to adopt succesfully? We're getting in the long wait range for my agency, and although I'm aware that we are pretty difficult in our criteria (no alcohol, minimum drug, and caucasian only, although I'd really love to change the latter ), I'm worried it's the main issue.

Thanks in advance... getting pretty desperate here

I guess it depends on where you are and where you are looking to adopt from. We were told by our agency that our faith and church involvement would most likely be a major factor in making our wait alot longer because here, people either don't care one way or the other or they don't want a family where faith is a factor. It ended up not being a negative factor at all, and not because the families were looking for a Christian family. It would be interesting to see how much of what the SW says ends up being true.

Factors that did make our wait shorter included considering children with higher medical needs (both genetic and related to substance exposure) and for our family, race was a non-issue.

I hope things work out for you soon... the wait is so very, very hard... don't hesitate to ask for support here! ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))
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  #12  
Old 12-11-2007, 09:38 AM
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NJNative:
Believe me, that polarization is the reason I don't go throwing the word around too much in real life-except to those people who really know what I mean-because where I grew up, it meant "devil worshipper" and I think lots of people do think something like that. I usually use "humanist" because I feel like that label applies in my case. Some people just think it's impossible that people are able to be good people and do the right thing for its own sake and without needing to believe in a supernatural power.

belleinblue1978: Thanks for posting.
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March 2007: Began adoption process again
May 2007: Profile complete and homestudy paperwork complete
June 2007: Homestudy approved
August 2007: Changed our preference from girl to girl or boy
Matched in Aug and Unmatched in Sept to a baby born too soon

January 2008: Matched! Baby boy due February 28th.

Baby boy born March 7th, 2008!

Finalized the adoption of Shepherd on September 12th, 2008

I love my
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  #13  
Old 12-11-2007, 10:31 AM
Eponine Eponine is offline
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NJNative and fearoflight - that's exactly what I was thinking when I said "negative connotations". Where I live (as previously stated, pretty rural) atheist has always been synonymous with godless-heathen-evil-satanist-etc. So that's the main reason I shy away from the word in day-to-day life and why we didn't say it in our adoption profile.

Our PBM isn't that concerned with religion per se, as much as values but I think she and her mom would probably recoiled a bit if we had said "we're atheists".
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  #14  
Old 12-11-2007, 11:42 AM
NJNative NJNative is offline
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Oh, believe me, I know...

I have had someone tell me I should have my son removed from our home because we are atheists! I also am very careful about where and how I use the word. It's a shame we have to be though, because it's really a form of discrimination.

I know a lot of very caring, wonderful people who do a lot in their communities and who just happen to be atheists.

Good luck with your adoption!

Robin
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  #15  
Old 12-11-2007, 11:58 AM
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powderpiggy powderpiggy is offline
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We adopted independently...did not use an agency. And we adopted much faster than I expected. Neither my husband or I are religious. In our profile we indicated that I was raised Jewish and DH, Episcopalian, but that neither of us were actively practicing.

For the pbmothers that we spoke with, religious beliefs were among common questions asked. Until we matched, we had also been speaking with another pbmom, both were interested in us because we were NOT religious...

So...not every PBmom is looking for an actively practicing christian family.

Last edited by powderpiggy : 12-11-2007 at 12:12 PM.
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