[beav]

Need some advice
My one year old is very unsocial when it comes to adults. She will cry or turn away if any adult talks to her or even comes close and smiles at her. At times, it can be very embarrasing as most people are only trying to be friendly and smile and say what a cute baby (its not like they are trying to pick her up--that would be different.)
The thing that makes me sad is she does it to family members too. They feel bad because she won't go to them or even smile at them but reacts in the same way by turning away or crying/fussing. I have a brother and Grandparent who feels especially bad because they want a close relationship with her and have tried endlessly, but she wants nothing to do with them.
She doesn't do this with with other children--she actually loves other kids. She also doesnt do this to close family such as siblings, grandma, mom or dad.
Should I try to get her to be more social or just chalk it up to a phase and not worry about it. I just want her to feel comfortable enough to go to other close family members or atleast smile at people when they talk to her---not cringe when they do.
Am I making too much of this??

[tomandcate]

I think it's just a stage...I wouldn't worry about it too much because she will pick up on your anxiety, and if you pressure her to "be nice" to people she might just get more distant (simply because it's what you want!).

As for family members, I'm sure it's embarrassing for you and disappointing for them - just be patient and give her time. Perhaps you can show her pictures of your family members, especially and more often before she will be seeing them...talk in positive terms about each of them, telling her things she can relate to ("See Uncle Bobby? He loves puppy dogs, just like you do!") Tell her what you expect - "Grandpa is coming to visit and we're going to all play together. He is so excited to see you, he loves you so much! I know we will have lots of fun!" - and prepare her by talking about it each day leading up to the visit - "Two more days until Grandpa comes to visit!"

My oldest is almost three and it seems like every week it's a new challenge! He never went through this - he has always been extremely outgoing - but boy has he been clingy and whiny for the last few weeks! I am hoping he will move on from this particular phase very soon!

Cate

[mom2justynsarah]

Don't worry about ot. As much as it might embarrass you, she is actually going through a normal stage of development. I wouldn't push her. It could end up backfiring on you. Let her be. She will eventually come around.

[bajj]

It is a normal stage. Also, if you try and force her to go to people, it could reinforce her fears and anxiety and then it will not longer just be a stage. I think most kids go through this...not all, but most.

[adoptmom_02]

Do we have the same child? my dd does it to everyone.

[joskids]

Bajj is right . . . if you force it, things will get worse. My grandson is out of state and doesn't see me often. He's 2. And, yes, I feel badly that I can't just pick him up and love all over him, but I back off and let him come to me when he's ready. Your daughter will be fine if she is social with other children. It doesn't sound like she has any social issues. When she DOES allow grandma to come close, praise her. Sounds like she's quite bonded to you and that's a good thing.

[ourdreamcametru]

I think it's fine. Castle was a very unsocial baby and toddler but now she is so outgoing it's scary! My mother waited so long for a grand-daughter and then Castle seemed to hate her, she would cry anytime she came near. Now at 3 years my mother is all Castle talks about and she loves to stay at my parents house and play. She has always been okay around other children although she is a bit bossy these days!

[lisa in venice]

Stranger anxiety is a normal stage of attachement developement in babies about this age. It usually passes within a few weeks for some and months for others. Now if she is enerally unsociable with other babies or doesn't make eye contact or try to communicate with you I would worry but if it is just people outside of you household I wouldn't worry at all. Oh one more thought. How old was she when placed? Kids who have multiple placements or who are placed at older ages have more extreme stranger anxiety but it is still just a phase and it passes, it just might take a little longer. My dd was placed with us at nearly 3 months. We were her fourth placement. She refused to even make eye contact with us for a couple of weeks but once she warmed up and bonded she whad HORRIBLE stranger anxiety. I mean she would scream bloody murder and if anyone but dh tried to hold her she would scream and vomit. Guess how well THAT went over with family. She got over it and now at 15 is the absolute darling of all of the grand parents.


lisa

[beav]

Thanks so much for all the imput! I feel much better. She is very attached to us and certain people she knows so I just have to be patient and give her time to trust others--it just helps to hear others have been through it and it turns out fine!