[mom2angie]

I need some opinions from fellow adoptive families. No one else could fully understand this.
My 5 yo dd (adopted at birth, domestically), just started pre K. She comes home from the school library each week with a book that was "adopted by" a family in the school. (Apparently, the school does a fundraiser for the library each February). I then got a letter from the school about the Pre-K's "adopted teacher" whom we will collect money for, to use to buy supplies, birthday/Christmas gifts, etc. I have composed a letter (that I have not sent yet) to the school asking them to consider changing the names of these programs because I do not like the message that "adopt a" programs send. I have offered to sit down to help them come up with alternative names.

Am I being too petty about this? I just cringe whenever I see the "adopted by" sticker on the library books, or get letters mentioning our adopted teacher. Is this truly an issue that I should be concerned with or should I drop it? My dd will be in this school until she is in 8th grade. I do not want to make waves for her this early. On the other hand, what message do these "adopt a" programs send to her? Any opinions will be appreciated
Or am I just being too sensitive about the whole thing?
Chris

[bajj]

I am the same way. However, sometimes it can bring up good discussions with my kiddos.

When we were in a pet store and they had "Adoption Center" my then 5 year old son said, "hey Mom, why don't we just come here to adopt our next child?" So, we had to discuss the difference in adopting humans and adopting pets.

I think maybe suggesting things like "Sponsored by" or something like that would be good. Go ahead and send the letter. There just may be other families that feel the same way, and are too afraid to say something.

[Leigh131313]

My son is only 3, so we havent faced this yet...However, My friend has really struggled with this concept with her children. They did the adopt a family thing at christmas time - and her kids were very confused - are they coming to live with us?? those types of things..

You should have seen her trying to explain the "adopt a highway" sign....


I completely agree...I do think there are better words to use - sponsored is an excellant choice.

I don't take issue with Adopt-a-pet...because they ARE joining your family, you do then look after and care for their well being....

[bajj]

That's how I feel with the pets too, Leigh. I did have to explain the difference, because he thought we could go get his little sister there.

[ourdreamcametru]

I personally would not have a problem with it. I think I would use it to explain that we want to love and take care of things and this is a chance for us to love a teacher etc. and help take care of her and her classroom. I think there are things in life we can't change and don't need to worry about so much and this will be one of them or me. If you have other children in school you know that there will be worse things happen than the use of the word adopt.

[snaps]

I have to agree with ourdreamcametru. I don't think that it would offend me, but I am not adopted. My daughter however is (but she is only 22 months so we are not dealing with these kinds of things yet). I kind of feel the same way as ourdreamcametru though. I think I would explain it as taking care of or loving, etc. I can see how it could be a bit confusing for kids though when "adopt a" is used for things like giving to a needy family during the holidays (since they are not going to live with you). I definitely do not have a problem with it with regards to animals. When you adopt an animal they do come to live with you forever (hopefully) and for you to take care of love, etc. "Adopt" an animal is better than saying they are unwanted.

[Rainbow mom]

I don't take "adoption" lightly, but I can say that all of the things you are pointing out are positive things to attach to adoption. In my prespective I want adoption to be a positive word. Not something to fear or overeact to. My action of adoption of children is a positive reaction. Would you change the wording on the following.

Birth-day
Birth-right
Birthing-room
Birth-parent

Adoption is just another word like birth.

JMHO

[Vogi2002]

Yeah I cringe also...

I must say I was reading a book for my job that was made and in it in LOUD HUGE PRINT said

There has been an...

ADOPTION!!

It was talking about changing the name from one product to another. I was kinda taken aback. I mean come on...

[rykyki]

There is a wonderful booklet, "An Educator's Guide to Adoption" that explores this very issue and provides different options of introducing adoption into the elementary school curriculum. This addresses the permanency that is inherent in adoption, while offering other words such as "sponsoring."I give it to my daughter's teachers every year and they've been very receptive in the public school. Her parochial kindergarten teacher-not too receptive-so we made the switch to public. My daughter had just learned to read when she piped up with "Hey mom-do highways have birthmoms" in response to the "Adopt a Highway" sign she read.....

[ourdreamcametru]

rykyki,
can you pm me information on how to get the booklet? I want to be prepared when Castle starts school in a few years just incase.
thanks!

[mom2angie]

Thanks for all the input! I was afraid of this.

It seems that for as many adoptive families as there are, there are that many opinions on this.
I too, am not as offended by pet adoptions, because as stated before, the pet IS comming to live with you forever.
But I am still not sure what I want to do with this. My letter is still saved on my computer, waiting in limbo. I may not send it, or I may. As a pp post said, I guess I need to pick my battles when it comes to fighting for things for my daughter. I need to decide if this is a battle worth starting.
Chris

[jigger]

Pet adoptions and and book adoptions and road adoptions just don't bother me. In fact, it's never occurred to me to be disturbed by that stuff.

My child's adoption is a fact of his and our life. He's very comfortable with it and is happy to talk to anyone about it. We are very lucky in that adoption is not anything to keep in the closet with the skeletons these days. I feel that if I treat his adoption any differently than my bio-daughter's birth story, I'm giving it WAY more power than it needs to have. He is my son, just like my daughter is my daughter. It doesn't matter to us or any one else who we care about how it got that way.

I think you are right about picking your battles. A letter from you would most likely not change the use of this term. They won't go and pull all the bookplates out of the library books and you will just be frustrated.

I did pick a battle with my child's school. I asked that they stop asking for baby pictures to use in assignments. My son was adopted out of foster care when he was 4. We don't have baby pictures. This is something direct that was happening that made him personally feel excluded and sad. If your daughter is not feeling sad or excluded or bothered by the "adopted by" programs. I'd just let it go.

[ocracoke]

I guess I have mixed reaction to this. I don't mind the "adopt a pet" things. You are making a promise to care for and take responsibility for something in those programs. pet adoptions should be for life with any luck.

I think some other programs should not be "adopt." You are not "adoting" a family at Christmas time. You are sponsoring them in some way. You are doing "angel" work for them if you are buying the gifts. But you are not "adopting" them because it is not a permanent committment. Maybe it should be a "foster" program since it is not permanent but it is you giving of your time and energy to help????

I guess what I am saying is that "adopt" (for me) is not just human.

Samantha

[loveajax]

rykiki, i would love to know where to get that booklet too...thank you!

[thanksgivingmom]

I work in events, and at my largest event we have a sponorship opportunity that when marketed turns into "wouldn't you like to adopt this adorable ___?" It's an animal, but not for keeps. It's not a children's event so I don't think there will be confusion for them, but it still irritates me.

They use adopt in thier "asks" because it sounds all cute and cuddly, like you have some vested interest in the animal.

Just wanted to share that from a bparent perspective I don't really appreciate adoption being taken lightly either. (Like when a woman I know had to give away her cat, she told me, "I feel like a birthmother right now!")