[thisiswhatiget]

Hi everyone, I met a 19 year old girl and her boyfriend sleeping in a hospital. The ladies working the gift shop said she was pregnant and they had no where to go. I took them to get something to eat and they told me their story about how she lost both her kids to DFACS and with her last pregnancy her Bio mom stomped on her stomach when she was 6 months pregnant. She was raped when she was 13 and had a child when she was 14. She was 18 when she got pregnant by a man that slept with her mother. This new guy was very charming and caring at first and this was in Feb. They moved in with my elderly Grandmother to take care of her in exchange for food, clothes, cigarettes, and all the baby stuff they needed. The whole family fell in love with them and that is when I asked the girl if me adopting her would help get her children back and keep this child. She wasn't sure for a while but agreed and was very happy but the guy was jealous. Anyway, I know this is a long story and their is more to it but he got caught with my daughters 15 year old friend and by the way he is 19 almost 20, when he stayed out all night and my sister and I had to go find him. We couldnt but he showed up the next day and we made him leave. The girl had already went into early labor twice. The next day she said she wanted to leave and didn't care about us anymore because she wanted to be with him. She was adopted May 23rd and left June 11. She was almost at the point to get her children back and keep the baby she was carrying. My sister explained that to her and she didn't care. The baby was born on July 25 and they called me and said I was a Gandma. I went to see the baby and stayed with the baby in NICU because of breathing problems. They lost the baby of course and they told DFACS not to let me have her. The baby will be going to a Biological family member and her two siblings. I am not considered. But, I found out today that when I die she can come and take a childs share away from mine and my husbands kids. How is that right? I want to reverse the adoption. What can I do? I hate myself for trusting people and they really did us wrong. They are in jail now for burglary and they stole from us. I would appreciate any response. Sorry it is so long and that is not all the story.

thisiswhatiget

[akcskye]

Man, a tough situation, but I am confused on a couple of things you presented...and it could be that it's 2:04 a.m. my time while reading this...so I apologize in advance...please bear with me.

1. Did you adopt the mother, or her unborn child, or both?
2. Did you just say "yes" to the adoption (verbal agreement), or was there a legal, written agreement?
3. Where the children in state custody still involved in an open case, or were her rights already terminated?
4. Did you have an attorney?

See, if you adopted the baby, and had a lawyer do the paperwork, and the adoption was deemed legal, then the social services should be handing over the child to you...from what I understand, her rights are terminated to the child she just had (unless there is a revocation period in your state).

IF there is a revocation period in your state, then unfortunately, social services could take the child, as far as I know, with a goal of reunion, and if reunion is not possible, then the birth mother WOULD have a say in who NOT to parent the child.

As for being able to be considered for a "share" of your families' possessions after you're dead...is SHE telling you this, or the state?

If your adoption, even if it was legal, fell under the revocation period, and considered to be failed, then this birth mother has no right, and neither does the child, to any of your estate after your passing.

Things just don't add up, to me, and I know you said there was more to the story...so maybe these questions can help you fill in the gaps for us to help make a better judgement call.

[thisiswhatiget]

Thanks for your interest. I adopted the 19 year old Mom while she was pregnant, around 12 weeks. I didn't have an attorney, filed all the papers myself using an online agency. It is legal and filed in the court house that she is our daughter and we even changed her name although she didn't change it yet on her drivers license or anything else. I don't think she even has her copy of the adoption papers. Although it states that when adopted that she has all the rights of our natural child and that should mean we are the grandparents of her child that was just born if not the ones already taken away. Hers and his parental rights will be terminated because they are in jail for burglary and they won't be out in time for the rights not to be terminated. But, according to the babies advocate she will go to the bio-aunts house because her sister and brother are there. They all have different dads. And, yes when the baby was born even though I was noticed as the grandparent the boy didn't like me and told DFACS not to place the child with me. If the mother has rights then why don't I. It was a legal adoption and according to the papers it is just as if she were born ours. What is up with these people. I asked them if she had 10 children would they all go to the bio aunt? They said yes because of siblings.

[MamaS]

You need a lawyer. If you want to get custody of the baby, or if you want to revoke the adoption.
If you just want to protect your other children's inheritance, you will need a legal will (again, a lawyer!). If you leave her something--even just a dollar -- she can't demand a full share. Your lawyer will tell you how to word it properly.

[akcskye]

Hmmm...interesting.

So, you adopted the 19 year old? At what age? When she was 19 and pregnant?

I didn't think you could adopt a child over 18, that they were considered "aged out" unless they had a disability that would constantly require being a dependant.

If her adoption was legal, then yes, you are the mother...and just because the aunt has a biological bond, I would assume the girl's own parental rights were terminated, which would mean, in black and white, that the biological family as a whole gave up their rights to this girl, which would then mean that "blood doesn't mean anything, she's not your family" (again in black and white...I mean absolutely NO disrespect to birth families here, let me make that 100% clear now) in respect to placing these babies with bio aunt.

Originally Posted by thisiswhatiget

Thanks for your interest. I adopted the 19 year old Mom while she was pregnant, around 12 weeks. I didn't have an attorney, filed all the papers myself using an online agency. It is legal and filed in the court house that she is our daughter and we even changed her name although she didn't change it yet on her drivers license or anything else. I don't think she even has her copy of the adoption papers. Although it states that when adopted that she has all the rights of our natural child and that should mean we are the grandparents of her child that was just born if not the ones already taken away. Hers and his parental rights will be terminated because they are in jail for burglary and they won't be out in time for the rights not to be terminated. But, according to the babies advocate she will go to the bio-aunts house because her sister and brother are there. They all have different dads. And, yes when the baby was born even though I was noticed as the grandparent the boy didn't like me and told DFACS not to place the child with me. If the mother has rights then why don't I. It was a legal adoption and according to the papers it is just as if she were born ours. What is up with these people. I asked them if she had 10 children would they all go to the bio aunt? They said yes because of siblings.

[EmmaLeigh2882]

Originally Posted by thisiswhatiget

Hi everyone, I met a 19 year old girl and her boyfriend sleeping in a hospital. The ladies working the gift shop said she was pregnant and they had no where to go. I took them to get something to eat and they told me their story about how she lost both her kids to DFACS and with her last pregnancy her Bio mom stomped on her stomach when she was 6 months pregnant. She was raped when she was 13 and had a child when she was 14. She was 18 when she got pregnant by a man that slept with her mother. This new guy was very charming and caring at first and this was in Feb. They moved in with my elderly Grandmother to take care of her in exchange for food, clothes, cigarettes, and all the baby stuff they needed. The whole family fell in love with them and that is when I asked the girl if me adopting her would help get her children back and keep this child. She wasn't sure for a while but agreed and was very happy but the guy was jealous. Anyway, I know this is a long story and their is more to it but he got caught with my daughters 15 year old friend and by the way he is 19 almost 20, when he stayed out all night and my sister and I had to go find him. We couldn't but he showed up the next day and we made him leave. The girl had already went into early labor twice. The next day she said she wanted to leave and didn't care about us anymore because she wanted to be with him. She was adopted May 23rd and left June 11. She was almost at the point to get her children back and keep the baby she was carrying. My sister explained that to her and she didn't care. The baby was born on July 25 and they called me and said I was a Gandma. I went to see the baby and stayed with the baby in NICU because of breathing problems. They lost the baby of course and they told DFACS not to let me have her. The baby will be going to a Biological family member and her two siblings. I am not considered. But, I found out today that when I die she can come and take a child's share away from mine and my husbands kids. How is that right? I want to reverse the adoption. What can I do? I hate myself for trusting people and they really did us wrong. They are in jail now for burglary and they stole from us. I would appreciate any response. Sorry it is so long and that is not all the story.

thisiswhatiget

I would love to get some clarification on your post. If someone is a legal adult (19 years old) how were you able to legally adopt them? ( Perhaps legal guardianship?)

Also, if you have a properly made and signed will, regardless of family, friends, pets, etc YOU Choose who gets what- legally you can remove EVERYONE from your will and leave all the money to a charity- or your cousin's DOG. ( Now the last one MIGHT be a little strange but if you can back up your rational with WHY you would do that you might have a good shot at getting it done) all you have to do is prove yourself of sound mind ( lawyer could do that- with an attached Dr's note if your requests are quite unusual)
You only have to be of sound mind when you make and sign your will- if in 30 years when you die you had dementia, it doesn't matter.
This applies to all family- DNA or not, your spouse or not- doesn't matter. Someone could try to claim you weren't competent, or that you were not aware of your child.. ( easier for a male then female) but if you mention them in your will- by name, it shows you are aware they exist but are choosing not to include them. So by Naming "my daughter by adoption, Sally" in your will- acknowledging who she is, then stating for personal reasons I am not leaving you with any financial inheritance- but maybe you could leave her with something- like a personal object that had meaning to her more so then anyone else... favorite chair, book collection etc.

[thisiswhatiget]

Any adult can be adopted as long as there is a 10 year age difference. This is to on one hand, help the child that stayed in foster care and wanted to become the legal child of the foster parents after 18. Also, step-parents can adopt adults they raised to over 18 if they had a dead beat dad or whatever. I am 37 now and she is 20. We sent her biological mom and dad a certified letter from the court saying what we were going to do but they didn't show up. She was very happy with us but her boyfriend was the problem. She was so attached to him that she didn't care anymore about getting her kids back or keeping the one she was PG with. When we kicked him out and told him to staighten up to be a daddy she took off the next day because he meant more to her than anyone else. Now they are in jail for burlary together but I'm sure they can't talk to each other. He tried to choke her and I tried to help. One thing I can't stand the thought of is the baby I fell in love with going to her bio aunt that never had anything to do with the mother her entire life until she saw there were children she could have as her own since she couldn't have children. Since the adoption was legal and filed then I am the babies grand mother and should have a say so. It is a sad and difficult situation. I adopted her to give her the love and care she needed that her unloving parents and family did not. But, because of the boy, we all get stabbed in the back and the paper doesn't mean I have any rights but when I die she will. Makes no sense to me and I will have to talk to a lawyer. Just can't afford one right now.

[jmsa]

If you died today, you're correct, she would legally have rights to your estate. But as EmmaLeigh said, a will could change all of that. You can draw up a will very inexpensively (several hundred dollars) using one of the more reputable websites online. Feel free to pm me if you need a suggestion. Of course, this doesn't address the emotional hurt you are feeling right now or custody of the baby, but it is a proactive and relatively easy step that might help bring you some peace of mind.

[andrews777]

You should check out the Adoption Trauma Network at Welcome to Attachment & Trauma Network* - ATN. While your experience was short, it looks like you have been taken advantage of by an unattached child.

I am not a lawyer, but I believe you can write a child out of your will as long as you have one. Just expecting them to not get a share won't help, but if you note who gets what, you should cover that issue. It is good to have a will regardless, so the state doesn't have to have its hands in things as much.

Talk with a lawyer about the details and your wishes.

Brad

[thisiswhatiget]

Thanks for all of your advice. Atleast I can see that the best option is to find a lawyer. Can't afford one right now though. Will have to see what happens.

Thanks for everything.

[EmmaLeigh2882]

There are many websites, CD ROM's and even paper wills available -any office store such as staples, office max etc have the fill in the blank WILLS... usually about $30- if I might suggest you use a CD ROM because it asks you all the questions and fills in the blanks- looks far more professional- but not any more legally binding then a fill in the blanks yourself kind- both my husband and myself use the CD ROM for our living wills, POA, and WILLS- my husband is in the legal field and I notarize wills all the time - did one today even- many are filled out by the individual and not a lawyer- if you are getting a detailed trust ( or anything out of the ordinary) I would use a lawyer when I could afford one- but don't let that stop you from making your own will now- you can even write up a simple trust if you need to- but some more complicated trusts need to have certain words used.

NOT MEANT TO REPLACE LEGAL ADVICE. Just letting you know what I personally do, have done and wittiness.