[akr9504]

We got the call today! But...we think (they are talking to the social worker) that the birthmom was rapped. We love everything about the birthmom but what would you do? Please advise


Akr

[bajj]

It's a very personal decision. I would not have a problem adopting the child, but some would. You have to decide what is best for you and your family. I have one child who is the product of rape. I love this child with all my heart.

Do some soul searching and decide what is best for you. Don't let anyone talk you into adopting or into NOT adopting this child.

[j_j_Hopeful]

All children deserve to be loved, no matter how they were concieved...

Just my 2 cents )

[looking4lily]

I would not think twice about it If I felt good about the Birthmother and thought it was a good match.

[devildogwife]

That wouldn't have been a problem for us either. What are your concerns?

[looking4lily]

I posted allready, but I got to thinking. The guy who signed surrenders on my DD was not the bio father. He knew it we knew it and the judge knew it. however Birthmom was dead and this is the guy she had said maybe was ( he waived DNA and surrenderd)
So really we have no clue who he was or how my DD came to be. She left the hospital right after the delivery and that was that.
If you feel like this is a good thing for you then go for it. In any of our adoptions none of us were there at the time so we just have to go on what the Bio mom said there may be a lot more in this situation that do not even know it.

[joskids]

we would adopt a child conceived from rape. The bigger issue for us would be finding a reasonable "story" for our child as he/she ages and begins to ask questions. Your words will need to be chosen very carefully. In the end, if you are comfortable about everything else in this particular situation, you will need to go with your heart. Best wishes!!

[bajj]

I have found that so far my ds doesn't ask about his Bfather. Just his Bmother. We will tell him the truth when he does ask, just on a level for him to understand. He's only 6 yrs old right now, so I don't exactly want to discuss rape with him now, you know?

[blessedbybug]

We would consider the situation.

[loveajax]

We said that we were not open to this type of situation.....Of course, we were then presented with this situation and were matched (and as it turned out DD was not conceived as a result of rape but is her birth mother's husband's child (sorry if that is confusing). It is a difficult story, I agree....Good luck to you...I think your heart will tell you what is "right" for you.

[crystalp]

I wouldn't have a problem with this type of situation. I feel that every baby needs a home. But, everyone has to make this decision for themselves. I figured that if we did get a situation like this, we would tell the child (when they were older and if they asked) that we didn't know anything about the BF or where he was. That would be the truth.

[fastaff]

I turned down a situation where the mother was 14 and raped by her cousin. We turned it down because of the close genetic link..if presented with another situation where the birthmom was raped, we wouldn't turn it down on that alone....

[anivan]

OK, here's my two cents....

We are about to finalize an adoption, but before we were matched with Sydney's EM, we were matched with the birthmom from XXX. Our failed adoption happened in a situation where the birthmom claimed she was raped by a black man. Turns out she wasn't raped, but pregnant by a man she didn't want to be pregnant by. The BF found out that she was pregnant, put 2 and 2 togeher and sued for custody. Baby was born positive to cocaine, state took the baby, adoption failed and many lives were disrupted not to mention our heartbreak. This woman (and I use that term loosely) chose to lie to the adoption agency, to us, took money from the agency, used cocaine throughout her pregnancy and apparently decided that a black man would be the best person to pin a fake rape on. Then she had the nerve to say she was "sorry" when the truth came out.

Moral of the story: proceed with caution. I am a BIG beliver in believing a woman when she claims rape, but we were seriously burned. My situation may be unique, but it was very painful and I nearly gave up on adoption all together after the experience we had. Thank goodness we didn't!

[redfred]

One of our children is the product of rape. We were also not open to this origionally but found out about it after the fact (he was a fost adopt placement and our third adoption). That said, I feel no differently about my son and we have changed how we feel about potential placements and pregnancy from rape. I do worry how I will help him understand this very difficult aspect to his birth history as he grows up. We plan on seeking assistance as needed from our agency and qualified therapists as his questions grow (he is only 3 1/2 now).
I would embrace another child who is the product of rape again. We are very, very thankful that we have not shared much of ANY of our children's birth stories with anyone, tho'. This information in our opinion (especially sensitive information) belongs to the child and we are going to let HIM decide who he wants to tell.