[solarscarlet]

I am having a rough time right now!! This waiting is driving me slowly insane. As of tomorrow, it will be 1yr that we've been waiting to be matched. We have changed our profile to show that we are open to either gender & still nothing. I emailed the agency b4 leaving on vacation & they got our new books, but no updates. They said it never usually takes this long & to be patient. When she said this...I was thinking how I'd like to . I know that "our baby" is out there somewhere & I've got to accept the fact that it's out of my control, but I'm not sure I can keep doing this much longer.

I've read everything that I can, bought what I feel comfortable buying w/o being matched, & try to keep busy. One day I'm upbeat & think that we'll be "matched" when the time is right...the next day, I feel like I do today...like giving up & it'll never happen.

DS started back to school this week (5th grade), he'll be 11yrs old in Nov., & my 5th wedding anniversary is on Sept. 17th. So, it makes it harder because I thought I'd have more children by now. All I've every wanted to be was a "MOM". I've felt like crying all day

I've been thinking about going back to work part-time at least until we have our baby home..maybe then I won't think about when it'll be our turn as much.

Sorry to vent to...but I know some of you've been there or you're in the same boat as myself. . My family doesn't really understand & sometimes they make me feel worse (not intentional) because it seems they are pitying (sp) me & I don't want that.

All you of you are the closest friends that I've got & who can understand what I am going thru.

for letting me vent

[blessedbybug]

So sorry you are struggling right now. I could say that this is so normal for the waiting period of adoption, that vast unknown of limboland we all have to endure, some longer than others. We waiting a year or more for both our placements and it was tough both times (but in different ways). All I can say is keep breathing and reminding yourself that you are one day closer to the possibility of adding another child to your family. FWIW, I stayed busy and kept life pretty structured. The first time around I hesitated to make plans because "what if?" ... but in the end, everything came together at the right time and I had some pretty amazing experiences those years waiting for a child to join our family. It is so hard when this is something you long for, but I would encourage you to live each day instead of wish it away... I wish someone would have reminded me of that when I was waiting... keep hoping!

[mommy3]

Lisa, just wanted to send you a little support. Yes, the waiting time is so hard, esp. when we hear that, "we didn't think you'd wait this long." (We heard that, too.) You mentioned perhaps working part time; I think staying home and waiting must be excruciating -- and staying busy and involved really helps. However you can arrange things to "stay busy and involved" might help you not feel like you are counting days. At least it helped me a LOT. Also, each of my children are 10/11 years apart, and although I never ever planned that, and didn't expect it, now it's actually really great. No one is in someone else's space, we all have a cool time together and there is little or NO sibling rivalry or bickering. The older children really love their roles and never felt their position usurped. We waited 9 mos from when our homestudy cleared (one full year from sign-with-our-agency to birth) for our son's birth and 27 mos. for our daughter's. The wait was hard but it was my path to my children. I agree, if you can focus on letting go and allowing the universe/God to take on the responsibility, that can really help. That alone can be its own path, but one that I worked at daily, due to my own impatience with life. The wait for my dd taught me a lot -- seems like lessons I was supposed to learn, hmmm. Keep venting; don't feel alone -- that doesn't help significantly, but it might help just one bit -- and somedays a little bit is all we need. Hang in there. Your time will come -- take care, susan

[Vogi2002]

Oh I'm so sorry!! The wait is excruciating and even more so with each passing MINUTE that you are still waiting!!

I will say that the thing that helped me was going to the gym (or basically doing something that I liked to do...filling time) so maybe a part time job could work for you right now? It's nice to have something to take your mind off of waiting....and I loved the comradory (sp?) of the other womem in my classes (I did the fitness classes there...LOVED it). Plus I got healthy! LOL

I also worked full time so that took up some time...it was the down time that was the hardest...the quiet.

I'm so sorry you are waiting for so long....It's so hard!! Don't worry, you ARE normal (and even your wait is normal if you are only open to CC) and your baby IS out there!

[Emster]

I know how you must be feeling right now. I probably wrote a very similar post when our one year mark came around. That came about in I think January of '06. I was upset and feeling a little hopeless. We met with our agency to see what might be keeping things from moving along and I'll say they were LESS THAN helpful or even really supportive--to the point that I left there in tears. They told us that our profile had gone out several weeks before to a family, but that they had never heard back from them and didn't anticipate they would. A few weeks later, I was in church, litereally praying to God to please help me accept childlessness if that was His plan for me. I was so down. What I didn't know is that within minutes of those prayers, my cell phone was ringing. The agency was leaving me a voice mail to call them back. An expectant mother wanted to talk with us over the phone. (Divine intervention? Who knows.) We talked that afternoon, and a week later we found out we were chosen, and three weeks after that, our son was born! We are now the proud parents of the cutest 17 month old guy you ever saw. And his first mother--she was the person who had our profile that the agency had "given up" on.

I relive this exciting time in my life to illustrate that there is always HOPE for what might happen next. You just don't know when or how fast everything will come together! Be well and keep the hope!

[jaenelle]

Something that helped me was to try and figure out ways to make the wait shorter. We wanted an AA baby so the wait time was not very long for us, but I do sympathize. Is there any way you can sign up with more than one agency or consider some referral services? Some of them don't charge much if any fees. A year is a LONG time to wait even if you're only open to healthy and CC -- sounds like maybe you could be more proactive about finding your baby.

[NurseNikki]

Lisa,

DH and I have been waiting 15 months, and I was exactly where you are a month ago. So, I decided I was done "sitting and waiting" for something to happen. Our CW didn't seem to be much help at all, so I took matters into my own hands. I called the other agencies in our area, and found one who will put us on their list, and show our profile if none of their registered clients are what a birthmom is looking for. They only have 6 families waiting, so this seems like a great prospect.

When I emailed our CW about cooperating, she agreed, and that day I got 4 emails from her! ( I usually only get a short one, and only after I send her a message full of questions). Not only did she explain how the cooperative agreement could be set up, she also gave me a few other ideas to try, and then told me our profile had gone out that day, and in the last email, asked me about sending out a second profile that day!

So, although we still don't have a match, and we haven't yet sent our stuff to the second agency(this all just happened Wednesday), I feel much better just knowing it is an option, and that at least something is happening.

I guess my message is, hang in there. If you feel you can, call other agencies, referral services, etc. to see if they can help you. The more lists you are on, the more likely that one particular birthmom will see your info! And we are always willing to listen here, any time you need to vent!

[NicNic]

Oh boy, have we been there before. It took 22 long months before we got our daughter. It felt like forever and that it was never going to happen. Then one day, all of our dreams came true. She is just perfect. She is our faith that it will happen again.

We are trying to adopt our second baby now and it's been completely different from the first...We've met with 4 potential birthparents so far. The first interviewed us and another couple, she chose the other couple. (I think our Keelie was a bit busy for her and she thought the other couple would have more time for a newborn), the second birthmom we met in the hospital. She chose us to parent her son and we were on cloud nine. He was beautiful. We took him home and had a BBQ to introduce him to the family when the call came in that she had a change of heart. That was awful. The third call we got was from a couple that was married, but the husband was not the father. It was really messy and they weren't very honest with us, so we backed out of that one. The latest, we met a fantastic couple who were in a financial crunch. They just couldn't afford another baby and chose us to parent their child. The baby's cord got tied into a knot and he passed away. So sad. Our Christian Dale will always live in our hearts.

Phew...will it ever happen? I believe it will. We'll both get our babies. We just need to learn to try to make time to be happy in our persuit of happiness. Hang in there...even if it's by a thread. We're all here on the same boat. It'll happen. It HAS to happen!