[tanmansmom]

TJ will be one on Wednesday. We want him to always know that he is adopted and loved by everyone. We have a semi-open adoption; we send pictures and email updates, but no visits. He does, however, have physical contact with his bio aunt as she works for my husband and is a friend as well, so we see her quite often. How, and when, do you begin talking about it? Any great book ideas would be welcome as well. Also, since it is not open for visitations with his biomom, do we even bring in the fact that our friend is his bioaunt or is that confusing? I don't want to confuse him, but if we decide to not publicize that his bio aunt is someone he sees on a regular basis and then we tell him when he is older, I don't want him to ever feel that we deceived him in any way. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[loveajax]

We have a beautiful "birth book" that I show to DD that has pictures of her birth, being with birth family, etc. It was always easy to show her the pix when she was younger and tell her she's adopted, that her birth family loves her, etc.

I love reading to her A Blessing From Above which is a very simple book about a kangaroo "adopting" a baby blue bird. I also like Tell Me Again...by Jamie Lee Curtis.

I have to say now that she is 27 months, it seems to be getting "harder" to talk about adoption. One day, I said "your birth mom, X" and she looked at me like I was crazy. I have to start getting more "comfortable" with it.

I think I would work in somehow that the aunt is his bio aunt. My biggest "concern" is with always being open and honest with DD. I think it is "harder" for the adults to talk comfortably than it is for kids to hear just about anything.

GOOD LUCK!!

[anneo]

Could you just talk to the bio aunt and ask if she'd have a problem with him calling her Aunt so-and-so? If she doesn't have a problem with that, then when he can talk have him call her that.

[tanmansmom]

I guess I would be uncomfortable with him calling her "Aunt T". She won't operate in the capacity of an aunt like my sister and sisters-in-law do. I guess we will just have to play it by ear and see what is most comfortable for all involved. It is just so hard to know what is in TJ's best interest. I think it might also be confusing for him to think that he knows his bioaunt, but not his biomom. We just so want to do right by him.

[sugarbabysmommy]

We began telling the story of babe's birth and how we met babe's bio parents from very little, just a few months old. One of the big advantages of talking now is that we adults become comfortable with it so by the time our child is verbal adoption our family's adoption story is very easy to talk about, very normalized part of our family dialogue.

Plus while your kid is little you can practice different ways of sharing the information and it doesn't feel so heavy duty, like you are going to make a mistake. Whereas if you start talking when they are older and verbal you feel more stilted and more anxious that you will "say the wrong thing."

I would tell your child that this person is his bio aunt (at the very least I'd tell him that she is his bio mother's sister). Yes, your child may ask multiple times why the bio aunt is in his life and not his bio mother, so tell him in age appropriate terms. But from what adult adopted persons have shared with me it's very possible he'll be asking himself this question at some point regardless of knowing his bio aunt is in his life- where is my bio mom, does she think about me, does she want to know me. And having his bio aunt is wonderful access for him to information about his bio mother, what did she like as a child, is she funny, did she have a favorite song, all the little things that a sister might know.