[honeybee999]

I am new to this forum! What an awesome support group.

My husband and I have just experienced a failed adoption. The baby was in our home for 3 nights and 2 days when the mother reclaimed her. We are completely devastated. If any of you have experienced this, how have you picked yourself up and moved forward?

Thank you for your help,
Me

[hopetoadoptblogger]

I am so sorry that you experienced this. I, fortunately, did not go through this, but I know several adoptive mothers who have. The pain is survivable, but it is going to hurt for a while. Actively grieve this loss, and give yourself permission to cry as much as you need. Don't let anyone tell you that you don't have the right to grieve. You love this baby, and the loss hurts.

Here is something I wrote about failed adoptions on my blog: Failed Adoption. I hope that it is helpful.

Take care,

- Faith

[mom2samuel]

My heart feels so heavy for you. We had two situations last year where we were at the hospital and then had the child in our care for several days. These situations occurred only 6 weeks apart. We had every emotion imaginable...grief, anger, confusion. After much sorrow, we continued on the path. We did have another failure months later, but at least we hadn't made it to the hospital yet. Within a month after that, our son was born.

Grieve for your loss in whatever way is best for you. Cry, talk to friends, post your feelings here. You'll know when you're ready to go on. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Michelle

[honeybee999]

Thank you Faith & Michelle for uplifting words. It is strenthening to hear others struggles and successess. It gives us hope to hear that the struggles are worth it in the end.
-Me

[Shai's Mom]

Oh, how terrible for you! I am so very sorry. I can't imagine how you must be hurting.

There is a sub-forum for failed adoptions, where you will be able to meet others who suffered the same loss you did. I'm sure they will be able to help you cope.

Allow yourself to grieve, and most of all be kind to yourself.

All the best!

[MollyinSD]

We also had a failed match. We had Andrew home for about a week and his first mom changed her mind.

It was devestating. We took time as a couple to grief together. I was also angry. Not at his first mom, but the way the whole situation went down. We were picked when she was in labor and I just felt the whole circumstances to be suspect and I was worried that this would happen.

Luckily at the time we were having issues with a big company that was doing work on our home so I took my anger at the whole situation and went at it with the company. After a day or two of anger it was just sadness but also a realization did hit us. We were there for Andrew when he needed us to be.

Sure he won't remember us, but for that first week of his life while his mom needed to work through some things, he had a loving home and two people that thought he hung the moon. He needed that stability and in that way he knew he was loved.

It was hard, but we jumped right back in knowing that we wanted to continue the journey and that this was just something that made us stronger as a couple. We were lucky because about 15 days later we were called again and matched with a baby due within days. He happened to be late to entering the world and I was certain that situation had fallen through too. I was SURPRISED when I got a call in the middle of teaching my 10th graders to get to the hospital she was in labor. Luckily the school knew my situation. Principal took over the class and Ethan was ours!!

You will make it through this. You made a difference in that little life for the few days that you were blessed to be a part of it. Know that your forever family is on its way, it will happen.

(((HUGS)))))