[gottahavehope]

This morning I was on my way to the park w/dh and my 2 children when a news story came on the radio. A NC woman with the help of her sister kidnapped the 5 month old she had given up for adoption. She busted into the child's home, had on a mask, had a gun, tied up the mother, and took off w/ the baby. Thankfully the child was found unhurt w/ the kidnappers and will be going home to her family. The thing is the story hit me hard. I felt physically ill the whole time I was at the park.

Our son's bio mom has threatened to kidnap our son. I never really wanted to believe that she or anyone would be so wicked and evil. It just seemed so unrealistic till hearing some poor family actually went through it.

I know one bad apple does not spoil the bunch, but I'm so shaken today. I just keep thinking-what if it had been us? How do I know it wasn't just grief talking when she made that threat? How can you protect your children from the unknown?

If I ever lost my son, or my daughter for that matter,I would not survive it.Just typing that has made me teary---I'm a mess.....I don"t know...i guess it is just hard to hear a story that hits so close to home.

peace,
k

[2manyks]

i also read this story. it is not a common thing, but it will make people think it is. how many times has someone said to me *you let her (bmom) know your name? what happens if she comes back to steal the baby* this is so rare, its not a worry for me.

gottahavehope - except for you having this threat. that would worry me.

at least the baby was found and is safe and sound in the afamilys arms!

[Mommy24]

It is a frightening thought! It is a worry I have even as a bio-mom to my children. There have been stories on our news constantly about children being kidnapped from their rooms in the night and stolen right out of their front yards, not by biological parents but by complete strangers with horrifying intent.I suggest anyone and everyone who is a parent to protect their children from any type of predator out there. I double check windows,garage doors, front and back doors, I do not live in fear but I will do everything to protect my children from evil predators.

[ecs5298]

Hi,

I get scared of the same thing because the birth family tends to lie and deceive. I worry that they may try to take her sometimes. I did have a bad experience with a birth family member who has it out for the birth mom. Tried to abuse us by lying and telling us things about the birth mom that weren't true. We have never met the birth mom but we know her parents so we reported the behaviors to them. She really would have hurt my daughter if she were old enough. That was her total intention. She is no longer in our lives. She's crazy and that is what scares me. She wants to hurt the people around the birth mom to get to her. It's bad enough that we have to watch out for child predators but when you have to worry about the birth family...well it's scarey.

I am betting nothing ever happens but it's always nice set up a safety net of safe people. Teach safety....I heard that the John Walsh video is really good. Can't worry my life away. I want to enjoy everything I can and not be stupid about safety but put things in place to make it less of an issue.

Take care, KMS

[gottahavehope]

You are all right... there is so much to fear in this world but we can't let it paralyze us. I have a bit of anxiety, so I worry about the unknown "predator" in whatever form he/she may take a bit more than the average person.

The fear of either of my children being in any type of danger or even pain is something I never realized would be so intense before I became a mother. No one could have put into words the absolute joy and elation it brings me to be a mother and the absolute horror and saddness I feel when any child suffers-that has increased by leaps and bounds now that I have my own little angels to love and protect.

Love just doesn't even seem like enough of a word to describe or sum up what I feel for those darling babies who thankfully are right now both asleep in their cribs~God willing they will both grow up to be safe, happy, and healthy.

I hope that birthmother and her sister get thrown in jail for a long, long time. What makes me so angry is how selfish it is. How do you claim to love your child, but then do something like that. It makes me sick!

Peace,
K

[mom2GRLC]

we had a non-direct threat at one point in time.

The great grandparent told me that she saw letters the birthmom had left around the house that were from the birthfather (who at this point had already signed away his rights) saying that when he got out of jail they's all be back together as a family(including my daughter). The great grandmother told me that she wouldn't trust either of them, especially the birthfather.

At the time we thought the birthfather still had 7 years in jail. We decided to attempt openess with the birthmother and her family regardless, hoping that we could develope a strong relationship with them during all that time and hoping the birthmother would have already moved on with her life during that time and hopefully would be in a stable relationship with someone else at the time he finally were to get out of jail. Besides we figured we'd be moving from the area fairly after her adoption and believed most of our contact would be through letters/e-mail.

Just a couple months later we got the shocking news that birthfather was out of jail. Birthmom lived in another state at that point in time but was coming down to visit her family and wanted to know if we could have a visit. She didn't know that we knew of the threat at that point in time and I just had to tell her it wasn't a good weekend for us. While I struggled with both wondering how to bring up this issue with her as well as the fact that before she even told us about the birthfather we were in desperate need of a break from visits/phone calls....just because of problems we were having with her that were really affecting both me and my daughter.

So we ended up just passing on that visit and then pretty much putting direct contact on hold for a while and only talking using e-mail.

Once we felt more secure and saw that the birthmom was indeed not involved with the birthdad and we had worked through some of the other major issues we were able to resume direct contact.

But it was a scary time. A time we just had to put our trust in God that he would protect our family.

Thankfully the threat we had was not a direct threat and ended up to be nothing....but I know that's not always the case. Sometimes it's in everyone's best interest to stop contact altogether if it's dangerous or unhealthy.

Did you say you were in an open adoption? How long ago did she threaten to kidnap your child? Has she made any comments since that would lead you to continue to worry? It's so scary sometimes to deal with the "what if's". Especially when it comes to something so emoptionaly connected to our children. But I don't think it's healthy to live in fear or to let your relationship be governed by fear. We just have to use our best judgement and do whatever it is we feel is in our childs best interest at the time....and that may change, as circumstances change.

So stay strong and don't be scared...even when you hear terrible stories like that. You know in your heart if your daughters birthmom really seems capable or on the verge of something like that...and if that's doesn't seem like somethign she would REALLY do...even if she said it once...then I'd try and put your heart at ease and just have faith in your judgement for protecting your child.

[Hadley2]

"...You know in your heart if your daughters birthmom really seems capable or on the verge of something like that...and if that's doesn't seem like somethign she would REALLY do...even if she said it once...then I'd try and put your heart at ease and just have faith in your judgement for protecting your child."

I strongly and respectfully disagree. Many decent people who have been lucky enough to grow up in a safe environment definitely do not know in their hearts whether another person can do something this harmful. Many can't wrap their heads around the reality of it--the op herself said she couldn't believe anyone would do this. Now she knows someone can but still, as a good person who wants to believe the best of others, she leans toward rationalizing the threat she knows was made as being "out of grief" or some other transient, non-serious reason.

I am one of those people, too, so I consciously take my own feelings and judgment colored by personal relationships out of the equation. Instead I rely on what I know. In the case of a criminal threat, one threat, I don't care why it was made and I wouldn't risk trying to figure out if it were transient or not. I would report it to the police, get a restraining order and try to make it permanent. I wouldn't want to live my life in fear but I also wouldn't want to ignore what could be a real threat. There is no going back from a threat like that, it can't be just something somebody says "in the moment."

Again, no, we can't be paralyzed or live in fear, but I also feel strongly that we can't skip along ignoring such threats. As O often says, "when someone tells/shows you what they are, pay attention."

[akcskye]

One thing my grandmother always told me was to NEVER live your life in fear...just with gifted knowledge.

You know that there are those risks (even though it's EXTREMELY small), and to be on guard when your gut tells you to...but don't let the fear of this happening be your guide in living your life, or you'll never enjoy all the time it didn't happen to you, which will most likely be all of your life. KWIM?

[kune]

I think it's a really sad story - maybe a little scary - but I think it shows the depth of despair of the bio-parent,

gotohavehope wrote in the original post.

.....If I ever lost my son, or my daughter for that matter, I would not survive it.

Yep...that's how most birthmothers feels - but we did survive - eventually - sometimes with a different sense of self and with a more cynical view of life. There's loss all-round in adoption - along with love and kindness.

Ann

[lonni]

Originally Posted by kune

I think it's a really sad story - maybe a little scary - but I think it shows the depth of despair of the bio-parent,

gotohavehope wrote in the original post. Yep...that's how most birthmothers feels - but we did survive - eventually - sometimes with a different sense of self and with a more cynical view of life. There's loss all-round in adoption - along with love and kindness.

Ann

Hattiesburg American - www.hattiesburgamerican.com - Hattiesburg, Miss.

This article touches on the fact that the Mother had asked for the baby back and had been to court.The baby is only 5 months old which means she asked for the baby shortly after placement. Sad

[gottahavehope]

I don't feel any sympathy for a woman who would do what this birthparent did. I think the kidnapping is a selfish act. To me that seems to be about the bio mom's needs and not the needs of the child.

I do have sympathy for people who have grief, but when they take that grief out on others or they are actually happy when their child scorns their adoptive family, or when they have a closed adoption but seek out the child and try and force a reunion and expect the child to just take them in with open arms and then get upset when the child isn't interested and decide the child must be repressed or the adoptive family must be "keeping" them from them, I just get annoyed because to me it seems to be about the needs of the bio mom and not the child. Just like I get annoyed when adoptive couples lie to birthmothers or manipulate them, or mistreat them, or lawyers charge huge fees and don't treat birthmothers with respect or agencies do shady things and take advantage. All of that is just garbage. I just hate the selfishness on all sides and I hate how people rationalize it too.

That is what makes me so darn angry with my son's birthmother. She cares about how she feels. She isn't happy that my son is happy and healthy and has a wonderful life. It actually makes her angry. All she can see is her own misery. To me, that is selfish. As a mother, I would do anything for my children, even endure the most agonizing pain if that is what was good for them. I'm to the point where I just feel that she made her choice. She was not coerced. She had plenty of time to change her mind. She was offered plenty of counseling. Her mother agreeded to help her raise our son if she wanted, we let her know that we totally understood it was up to her and that we would care about her either way... so her unresolved anger and threats are way out of line. I am starting to feel that she is just a selfish girl who I don't want in my life or the life of my son.

With that said...if my son wants her in his life, as much as I would hate it...he would never know that. I will never bad mouth her. I will always tell him all the wonderful positive things I do know about her. I will support any type of relationship he wants and will go out of my way to help him. It will always be about what is best for him. To me, that is what it means to be a mother. THAT IS LOVE!!!

Peace,
K

[mama_again]

This is a sad story for all who have seen it, and mostly for the precious little one's face who we all saw posted with an amber alert this weekend. I stopped and just prayed for her safe return home. Thankfully, she was found unharmed and will be returning to her afamily. My heart breaks for the birthmom as well and how she is not at peace with her decision.
So many of us are blessed with the peace of knowing we can get along and make it work for the children, but to those who do not have this peace it is sad because their lives are filled with grief and loss.
Prayer for this family is of the utmost and for all of us who face the reality of this happening. Sad to say this is true not only for adoptions, but for nuclear families as well. We have walked through the other side of it and it is not fun, because our kids suffered for it and are having to work through it all now.
Blessings to all....

[mama_again]

PS: Hopefully the system doesn't fail us on this one, because it could set a standard for a new trend in this country which can bring fear for others wanting to adopt. We need to pray for this situation.

[lonni]

"Yep...that's how most birthmothers feels - but we did survive - "

And we adoptees are glad you did JMO!!!!