[christyrana]

For those or you who have been there done that, did you set up a nursery while you were in the waiting phase? I was wondering if working on that would make me feel like more of an expectant mom.
My son came to us so unexpectedly that we hardly had time to get the basics.
My DH is very cautious about having a lot of preparations for a baby around and what if we have a failed placement.
What do you think?
Christy

[mom2justynsarah]

We did not have a nursery set up. However, we did have an empty room ready. Once we had our daughter home, then we went out and got the crib, changing table & all other necessitities.

I don't think it's a bad thing if you have a room set up. It just depends on how you feel about it.

[Stormster]

I have fooled myself.
Empty Room
Tons of clothes stashed in various nooks and crannies so I can pretend they don't exist
Basinette in basement and a few other play mats (also kind of hidden)
Deposit at furniture store which will deliver five days after we call (and install). Totally refundable.

But having an empty room painted is the part that makes me feel kind of ready. That and we have a BRU about 4 miles away.

So my point is I don't want to jinx it but I've already sort of secretly jinxed it!

There is no easy answer!!! I just found my version of protecting myself EXCEPT i'm dumb I already took the tags off and washed all the clothes!!!!

[mommy2jillian]

Bottom line you have to do what makes you and your husband feel good... We opted to set it all up cause I wanted to feel like and expectant mother too. I did hear the negatives of "Oh what if it doesn't work out". The responce I had for myself and others was "Well, I AM expecting so why should I not prepare. If I were pregnant I would be doing these things so why not". That was my take on it, but again YOU have to decide what is best for your hubby and you. GOOD Luck!!!
Cindy

[babydubs5]

We do have ours done... we've had it set up for almost a year now.

The best piece of advice I've ever been given in regards to preparing for a baby.... no amount of preparation or lack of preparation will make a failed match or placement any less heartbreaking...

it really helped us out immensely because we don't want to rush to have to get everything together if we end up with a last minute placement or something. I'd rather be prepared up front and be content knowing we are 100% ready for our little blessing.

[mumofone]

We had the room prepared, but just freshly painted, etc. We did not buy anything but a dresser and hutch for the room.

When we found out we were matched with our first child (baby born situation), we had two days to get everything, and we had a blast.

Do what makes you feel most comfortable.

Some like to be totally ready, while others, like me, waited.

[Robyn7135]

I heard advice once that you either do the big stuff before hand or you wait until you bring the baby home. The point being that you don't want to buy something for a specific child and then have that adoption fall through and then forever think of that child with the nursery that you have. It made sense to me and I don't do well with a lot of last minute stuff. So we opted to do the big stuff before we even did our homestudy. We have the crib and the changing table up and the bedding on layaway. It works for us, but I think it is a personal decision.

[hopetoadoptblogger]

I put together a post on this topic on my Hoping to Adopt blog. My husband and I had the same disagreements.

- Faith

[blessedbybug]

We began doing things in the "nursery" shortly after we were approved and waiting for a match. We did it slowly and only when we felt like it. Our idea was that we wanted the room to be prepared for the child who would eventually join our family, not for a specific child in a possible match situation. So if a expecting or new mother decided to parent, we wouldn't associate the nursery and what was in it with that child, as if he/she was ours because they never were.

I hope that makes sense. I really wouldn't push the issue in order to feel more like you're "expecting". I have found from my experience that adoption is such a different journey and trying to put any parallels to a pregnancy is too hard to do and only led to disappointment. You have to make your own way. If you want to start creating a nursery in order to keep your hope up, then do it. If you want to leave the room blank to decrease the possibility of it being a difficult thing, esp if the wait is longer than expected, then do it.

I can tell you this, that if you do decide to wait to start the nursery, your child won't know it, lol! My son came to our family exactly one month before we moved out of our house (we were matched the same day as our house sold... house on the market 4 months, waiting to match almost 12 months...) and he did quite fine in his little bassinet and plastic 3 drawer set. And when we settled into our new home 2 months later he got a really cute farm-themed room.

Follow your heart... if it will help with hope, move forward. If it might be too hard for you or DH, waiting will work too.

[christyrana]

Thanks to all who replied. One reason that I want to at least buy the big things is that we literally live in the middle of nowhere in Alaska . The nearest Walmart is over two hours away. I don't want to have to deal with the possibility of a sudden placement and the logistics of trying to get supplies. We can get things like diapers and formula here in our little town, but a crib!! That is just asking too much!! LOL
At least we live on the road system, a lot of Alaskans don't!! They have to take a plane in and out of thier towns.

[AdoptInMe]

I do not believe in "jinxing". I think that, if it's going to work out, it will. If not, we are still going to have a baby, just not this one. And it has nothing to do with how prepared we are. We have put the nursery together, slowly, for the past year. It is done now, and our baby is due in about 6 weeks. We did make it gender-neutral, because we want to have a large family. But this room is for our baby. If this match falls through, this was not our baby. But she/he will come soon after. We happened to have clothes for both boys and girls already and are just adding to our overflowing closets at this point. So, do what feels right for you. It puts me at ease knowing our baby's room is ready. I go in there often to look at things and relax. It also makes me feels like it's really going ot happen. If this placement fails, I will be devastated, but it will have nothing to do with the baby's room.

[DominicsGirl]

Just thought I would chime in as well. I agree that you need to do what feels right and given where you live, I can completely understand wanting to get all the big stuff ahead of time.

In our case, we were only waiting for three weeks when we got the call for a baby already born and we were not prepared at all. We had nothing. So, very, very quickly we were trying to find baby stuff at the last minute. We pulled it off, but I'm a very organized person who likes to plan ahead and it wasn't fun for me. It's actually all a blur and I feel like I really didn't get to enjoy my son's first three months because I was too busy trying to find him a bed, get him clothes, etc.

We do plan to adopt again and fully intend to have the room completely ready before our homestudy is finished. If we get matched quickly, great. If not, at least I know I'll be ready at any time and that brings me comfort.

[MamaS]

I had a room painted (yellow) and decorated (with bunnies) because I did not know whether my first would be a boy or a girl. Because my "baby" was 22 months when she arrived from El Salvador, we skipped the crib and used a toddler bed that had been in my family for a generation. Two years later my second daughter arrived (age 4) so we used the toddler bed again. I did not get to buy a crib for a baby until my third one arrived -- 20 YEARS later. Finally got a crib and a boy!

[nikkianni]

DH and I had a disiagreement on this one. I wanted to set up a nursery while we waited, he didn't.
Finally after waiting seven months I convinced him we should start working on the spare room. We took a long weekend and had the room cleaned out, but were far from baby ready. As it happened, that was the same weekend we got the call for DD. So by the end of the weekend, we had a baby, a bassinet, and one very empty room.
It's taken us most of her three months to get everything painted, docorated, etc.
We'll definitely do the decorating while waiting next time.

[StorkWatcher]

We wanted to at least have the room painted. We planned gender neutral, so we were safe to do that ahead. But we only had the basic furniture and a few necessities put away in drawers in there, and the walls painted. we waited until babe was home and took our time decorating, putting things on walls and fillling it up with clothes and baby items.

If I wanted to go in, or keep the door open, it wasn't a complete nursery that looked empty without a child. to me, it was our beginning of preparation for our home to be a complete family. In that non-finished stage, it didn't bother me. But since our son was a fast placement (24 hours notice), it was easy to complete once he came home, and we were busy with a newborn!