[tanmansmom]

We are in the process of a private adoption. The birthmother denied knowledge of the father on all the legal documents and denied knowing who the biological father was to our attorney. She did, however, reveal a name to us. Are we bound to locate the BF or do we go with what the birthmom told our attorney?

[SchmennaLeigh]

Morally or legally?

[sugarbabysmommy]

I'd say that morally yes, and potentially legally yes as well. On our court papers it states info for bio parents and the adoption (details, like cost, place of birth, child info), and we had to sign that we swear the info provided was accurate to our knowledge. If your state requires the same and the bio father's info is filled in with unknown, will you be able to sign your name swearing that is accurate to your knowledge?

[SchmennaLeigh]

Yeah, swearing in court that you don't know the identity when you do seems like perjury to me. That said, I'd read up on biological fathers' rights (maybe start with this page) and specifically look up information regarding your own state.

In the end, it comes down to: do you want to notify the father now and risk him not signing consents and the adoption not going through before you ever get a chance to be a parent to this child or... risk him finding out afterwards and putting you through a lengthy court battle which could cost you the child that you would parent during that length of time.

[tanmansmom]

I am asking about legally. We have informed our attorney and she hired a PI to find him. The search turned up nothing, too common of a name and no information on where he might be. He knows about the baby and took off. We are now in the process of the citation to publish. We, and our attorney, are all about doing things the right way so that he can never come back seeking custody. I was simply asking because after 9 months, it is not final yet and now that we have to publish, it will take even longer. I was just curious whether or not we had to do the citation for publication since she put unknown on all the legal documents.

[BrandyHagz]

Generally speaking - even an "Unknown Father's" rights have to be terminated - so its likely you would be doing this, even if she hadn't named some name that is to common.

[Stormster]

I'm just curious. In the state we may be adopting in, we have to publish for 30 days after the birth because the father is "unknown"

Why did you guys wait so long to publish? Did the birthmother only let you guys know after the papers were signed?

[tanmansmom]

Since it is a private adoption, we just turned everything over to our attorney. After the six month waiting period is when they began to move on the BF issue. We now realize that some things could have been done a long time ago, but there isn't much we can do now. My understanding is that we will have to publish for 30 days in the local paper where he was last known to reside. I am now being a total pain in my attorney's side by calling almost daily to see where we are.

[ourdreamcametru]

We did a private domestic adoption and there is no way I would have gone through with it had the birthfather not signed off! If the pbmother has named a pbfather to you whos to say that she won't tell him and he come forth after the baby is born and placed, maybe even years later! If I were in your shoes I would insist that he be contacted and that there be a test to make sure he is/isn't the father and that if he is he signs off before the birth. Good luck!
Kelley

[tanmansmom]

We did try to find him, the PI ran into a brickwall. She thinks she found his trail, but then he disappeared. My understanding is that he plays guitar in a band that travels from city to city. I shouldn't have posted. We are doing the right thing by getting the citation to publish. If we can't locate him physically, there is nothing else we can do. I simply asked because I was curious whether or not we legally had to do that.

[joskids]

You posted because you needed some assurance. It sounds to me like you're doing the right thing, this will just take a little longer. There is NOTHING WRONG with you calling your attorney every day. It should be HIS priority, just as it is yours, to finalize this adoption and this all should have been done months ago. If your child is 9 months old and the birthfather has shown no interest, knowing that he has a son out there somewhere, I sincerely doubt you have anything to be worried about. After a year of no contact and no support, he loses anyway. Best wishes to your family. I know how difficult this wait can be.

[tanmansmom]

Josie, are you saying that after a year his rights would be terminated anyway? He fled when he found out it was too late for the birthmother to have an abortion, but that doesn't mean he will deny that fact if he resurfaces in a few years. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder like we have for the last 9 months. The thought of losing him is crippling! We have had him since the moment of birth. The birthmother signed the papers the week after giving birth. Are we still open for her to come back and seek custody since it isn't final? We agreed to send pictures and I do, but every time I do, I just want to cry because he is sooo beautiful and I'm afraid when she sees how beautiful he is she will want him back. I just sent pics this morning, so my emotions are really raw right now. She has never raised a red flag, but since it isn't final yet I'm just scared she could still change her mind.

[joskids]

I'll PM you.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by tanmansmom

We did try to find him, the PI ran into a brickwall. She thinks she found his trail, but then he disappeared. My understanding is that he plays guitar in a band that travels from city to city. I shouldn't have posted. We are doing the right thing by getting the citation to publish. If we can't locate him physically, there is nothing else we can do. I simply asked because I was curious whether or not we legally had to do that.

I'm glad you chose to try to find him instead of going with the "unknown dad". This way he won't be able to come back and contest the adoption in the future. If you went with the "unknown dad" on your court papers and the birthmom and the birthdad met up in the future and reestablish their relationship, the birth dad may try to contest the adoption stating he wasn't notified and the birth mom knew his identity. This way, you're protecting yourself from the legal struggles down the road.

[tanmansmom]

I agree, but the state law says "diligent" search for biological father. They never define diligent. We have a fathers' registry in our state and he never registered. Does one ALWAYS have to publish if the father can't be located by a P.I.? It's a little sad that he has all of these rights and no responsibilities. If every parent went through this to have a baby, there would be no unwanted children in the world!!!!!