[Untbunny]

I am sorry this is a little long but I want to provide as much information as possible.

DH and I received “matched” call on May 3 from state foster/adoption services. The state’s presentation on May 7 was very thorough. Significant points are the sibling group has been in and out of foster care for three years, they are all under age 8 plus the children had a failed adoption placement in early 2006. Children have been in the same group home during all three years in care. State supplied documents do not indicate children have received therapy after first quarter 2006. In fact, only one counselor visit after failed placement. At the conclusion of the presentation the state said that we could visit with the children once a week and that we would not be introduced as the adoptive family. Rather, we would be introduced as a visiting family. My heart sank when we heard this. The most painful part is we would not be able to bring the children home OR tell them we were their forever family for 90 days. No action plan or documentation was provided by the state charting the forward progress and transition. In fact the only communication has been a telephone call from the case worker stating it was okay for us to visit the kids. Is this normal and customary for a foster adoption? What is the normal transition in this situation? I am trying to locate scholarly articles describing the best route. Thank you for reading the post. I am heart broken.

[sdiedre]

It's hard!! I do know that transition times can range, depending on the needs of the kids. Sounds to me like these kids had a fair bit of trauma at the last failed adoption and they are trying to give you the opportunity to get to know the kids and be sure before moving them again.......

Let us know how it goes!

[sunflower1220]

It is not uncommon to have to wait to bring your children home, or even be introduced as "friends of the family" or something of the sorts. Especially when there has already been one failed placement. A sib group we had been authorized for was going to be handled similarly to yours, except we weren't even going to get to start visiting them for 3 months, then it would start 2 visits a month, gradually working our way up. It all depends on the trauma and the situation of the children. The bigger concern needs to be the fact they don't appear to have had any counciling since the disruption. I would request they start counciling asap, and if you don't have a recent psych eval on each of them request that too.

These are just my suggestions, based on what I have learned during my process. Each person has to handle things the way that is best for them.

Good luck, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[joskids]

With hurt children, that have experienced much grief and loss, I don't think 90 days is unreasonable at all. And, for the sake of your current family, I would applaud the agency for taking the time to be sure that these child are also a fit into your family. I wouldn't be offended to be introduced as a visiting family. Obviously, the agency is seriously considering and hoping your family will adopt these children or they wouldn't be bringing you into their lives at this point. For children under 3, counseling could be difficult. There's so little they understand and with all the moves, it may be even harder for them to understand. But I do agree that you need to push for these children to have an agency worker that is talking to them freely and often about finding their forever family, in ways they can understand. We adopted a little girl who was 2 at the time and in foster care. It was a 3 hour drive to her foster home but I made it at least 4 or 5 times by myself, leaving our other two children at home to have the day alone with her and then my husband went a couple of times to pick her up and bring her to our home for a weekend and we also visited there as a couple at least 3 times. It was a long process but it gave us a chance to get to know her and her foster home environment (not ideal) and that really helped us when she came home. I was shocked at how she, even at the age of just turning 2, was so emotionally distant and withdrawn. It took a long, long time before she really opened up and started to smile (usually related to a nice meal) but she did and now you wouldn't even know she was the same child. So take your time, enjoy meeting the children, ask a lot of questions. These things don't happen quickly and it sounds like your agency is doing a very good job of making sure this will be permanent for everyone involved. Best wishes!!!