[thanksgivingmom]

I'm with Brandy. As a birthmom, if I found out my dd's amom had gone behind my back and was having a relationship with my best friend I would feel betrayed on so many levels.

And to put it into perspective...if an aparent wanted a completely closed adoption post-placement, and a bparent sought out the aparents best friends to get information, I think most aparents would agree that it would be a HUGE violation of agreement and trust.

[mandht]

Thank you all for all your input. I first want to say that in no way did I "intentionally" plan to go behind Connor's birthmom's back and dishonor nor disrespect her wishes and my promises to her. When I received the call last week I was so surprised and as my husband pointed out "emotional" to find out how everyone was doing that I had a lapse of judgement when I agreed to send the photos. I was wise enough to know where to turn to, and I thank each and everyone of you for your guidance and input. The support offered here is second to none.

Kimmon, you expressed succinctly my thought process. Rtsmom and Timni, and all of you, I am taking your advice. However, I will be sending a letter - not a phone call, to Connor's birthmom's bestfriend and explain that I was caught up in the moment that upon discussion with my DH and others (all of you) that I must first and foremost honor my agreement with Connor's birthmom.

As far as reaching out to Connor's birthmom, I cannot reach her as she lives primarily a transient life. We were able to arrange housing and a phone for her for about 6 months, while we together awaited Connor's birth. Before birthmom was set up with a phone, we were always able to connect via the BF. I guess I will always wonder who made the initial call last week.

[LibbyHawkins]

I think that is a wise decision, going with a letter. The possilbe feelings of betrayal could very well spoil a future relationship. Good call.

[ABWY]

I would respect the birthmother's wishes. Although we are in a totally different situation - I know my child's birthmother well enough to know that if this was her request - I would honor it.