[kate298]

HI all,
I am considering adoption. I have OCD, for me which is fear of disease, so what i am wondering is could I request for a child (infant hopefully) who wouldn't have any disease or be HIV + from one of the parents? Is that possible?

[Leigh131313]

Well, I guess that depends on what route you are taking.

In our case, we went through an agency (in Canada)

Part of our aplication included a "child desired" form. There is a HUGE list of things and you check whether or not your would be willing to parent a child with these needs.

In our case, we could decline HIV+ birthmom as well as a ton of other ailments.

The thing that concerns me (i have 2 family members with OCD) is children DO get sick. There are no guaruntees. Even if a child is born "disease free" that doesn't mean something won't come up in a week, a month a year or 10 years.

I hope you are discussing with your doctor or counceller ways to deal with this. It WILL come up in one form or another. Your child will not be able to live in a bubble...and it may be very stressful for you as they venture out into the world - with buddies who have runny noses...and can i just say toddlers are like living pitre dishes!!! lol

Good luck on your journey!

[spevack]

Hi, I want to piggy back on the previous post. I assume you've have plenty of counseling. Do you have young relatives that you've spent time around? Both my children are pretty healthy but one has minor allergies and one, asthma. That means certains times of the year there is plenty of coughing and sneezing and visits to a pediatrician's office that sometimes make ME feel like germs are closing in on me. Not an impossible sitiuation, but one certainly to enter fully aware and prepared. Not to mention diapers and spitting up! Seriously, though, best of luck to you.

[jaenelle]

I don't know that much about OCD, but from what I DO know, I don't know if parenting would be an especially good choice for someone with the disease.

With adoption, as with any other way of having a child, you CANNOT guarantee what may happen in the future. You may get a child who is perfectly healthy at birth or at placement, who later contracts or comes down with a disease.

I don't know... I'd just have to advise you to get A LOT of counseling and talking to adoption agencies as well before you pursue this.

Good luck -- I'm sure this is difficult for you.

[kate298]

I have gone through lots of counsiling and am taking medication, and small things, colds, alergies, flu, chicken pox, pink eye, all that stuff is ok with me, It just major life threating stuff such as hiv/aids that bothers me, or that would be something terminal that I could catch. Jaenelle, if you don't know that much about ocd, I don't think its quite fair to say that parenting might not be for me. I know it will be a long road, but I have so much love to share, and it is a major dream of mine to be a mum one day.

[jaenelle]

Maybe if you researched the odds of babies actually being born with a serious contagious disease, would that make you feel better? I would assume the odds are pretty small. Also, as Leigh said, you CAN choose what conditions/special needs you are willing to accept at birth or placement. After that, you would be just like any other parent -- unsure of what might happen to your child later in life.

I didn't mean to offend you, and I also prefaced my statement with a disclaimer -- that I don't know that much about OCD. I just was trying to convey the need to be totally sure what you can and can't handle, because parenting is tough -- even with a healthy child. One who is sick just adds a whole lot more complications, I'm sure, and if you're very afraid of catching something from them, that would just be that much harder to deal with.

[chloesc]

I say go talk to an adoption agency or adoption attorney. I can guarantee you that you are not the only OCD person that has ever wanted to adopt and they will be able to counsel you best.
Truth is, I don't know if I would be able to handle a child with HIV or some other life threatening disease. We were asked on our forms if we were willing to consider a child with a disability and we marked that it would depend on a case by case situation. And it does.
Your OCD would come out in the home study process anyway, so you might as well take the bull by the horn and ask all the questions up front.
Remember that adoption agencies, social workers and adoption attorneys all WANT you to be able to adopt - they want to find the right child for you and vice versa. The process is not intended to keep someone with OCD from adopting, it's intent is to make life-long matches that work.
Tell them your fears and see what they say!
How much love must you have to give that with OCD you want to bring a child into your home! There is a child out there waiting for you.

Good luck and let us know!

[mommy3]

My support goes out to you -- the same as you would probably consider pregnancy (don't know your fertility issues, if any), you have the right to consider adoption for sure! During our matching process, we requested HIV testing for the expectant mom and we offered to be (and were) tested as well, to be fair. Via our agency, you can list in your "preferences" the issues that you would and would not CONSIDER. The "consider" word is important, so you'd still be able to turn down an expectant mom, but you could choose to move forward. Feel free to pm me if you want to know more about our great agency -- they offered so much guidance and help. susan

[Leigh131313]

After your second post....it sounds like HIV and hep (not sure ABorC) would be your biggest concerns..I can't think of anything else contagious that a child could have.....but of course, there is alot i dont know in this world!! lol


Anyhoo....i would think it would be very easy to specify that you wouldnot want to be matched with an emom who tested positive for those things...In our case it was right on the form.


Good Luck!!


and by the way, i agree - OCD has a very wide spectrum and it should not automatically prevent you from being a mom!! The two people in my family who have it are both WONDERFUL parents. It just depends how your case manifests. It sounds like you'll be just fine!!