[ilene21117]

My DH and I were presented with a situation today and I wanted to get some opinions on a few things.


The birthmother is in jail in CA and she is due 4/20/07. She is having the agency pick the family and if she doesn't have a family in place by Saturday then DSS will take the child when it's born. She could go into labor anytime now. She has 7 other children, which none of she parents. She is in jail for selling Meth and admits to using Meth 3 times a week. Apparently, she used Meth with her other children and all are healthy and mentally well. She has had no prenatal care so far, but will be getting an exam soon.

The birthfather is Mexican and she says he went back to Mexico and his whereabouts are unknown. The agency said that you have to put an ad in a small community paper for the birthfather for 3 weeks and if no response then his rights are relinquished.

Has anyone ever been in a situation like this or adopted from California and if so what can you recommend. I have already contacted my attorney and he has adoption attorney friends in CA that are going to look into the situation for us.
Thanks

[mom2sam]

This past summer dh and I were in a situation where the emom was using meth. I did a lot of research on effects of meth on the fetus and it was scary to say the least. I don't know what you are open, but for us it was so much of the unknown that we didn't proceed. If you haven't researched meth babies, please do so before proceeding.

[overflowing]

I can pm you with our lawyers name. We are in Southern California. I don't have any experience with meth but I do have experience with a missing bfather. Well our current situation is an identified bfather but they are unable to locate him. In CA, the lawyer has to show due diligence in trying to find the bfather. For example, our laywer searched all of his fancy databases and no luck. Then they sent letters out to all of the people with the same name. He has 30days to respond. I believe they also ran some sort of newspaper ad. Once they can prove to the court that they did everything they could, the judge then will terminate his parental rights. I personally would make sure you have a lawyer handle this so that it's done right. A lot of those 5years later stories are because the parental terminations weren't done properly. Best wishes!!!

[ilene21117]

Thank you for the information. I actually did look up meth use during pregnancy and it's very scary. If she had had some prenantal care during the pregnancy that might be different, but she hasn't and I'm not ready to take on that risk right now. Too many problems can occur later and my husband and I decided that this isn't the situation for us, but thanks so much for your replies. It's greatly appreciated.
Ilene

[Shai's Mom]

Ilene, both my boys were in utero drug exposed. At first DH and I were dead set against this kind of situation.

Our social worker gave us the medical files/tests of our kids to look over. We checked with a Professor of Pediatric Medicine and he said that in his experience these kids turn out fine.

He said as a rule of thumb, to look at the APGAR score, the higher, the better. Then look at the time the baby spends at the hospital, after birth. That right there is a good indicator. A baby that requires little or no special care after birth is less likely to experience problems.

So far so good, both boys are perfectly healthy, intelligent, well coordinated and totally loveable.

Our older son, who might have had Meth exposure, is a little more noise sensitive than other kids. That's the only symptom he shows. His birthmother was in jail for most of her pregnancy and was still incarcerated when he was born.

The little one is a normal toddler. Intensely curious, stubborn as a rock, determined, cuddly.. He had to undergo cocaine withdrawal after birth.

Should you get a referral for a drug-exposed child through the foster system, don't totally discount it. There are many perfectly healthy children that don't find a home because people are afraid of the drug exposure. Should the situation come up, ask for the medical records and have them evaluated by a Pediatrician.

I fully understand you being afraid of taking a child that will potentially have some serious problems. We couldn't take a child with health problems, either. I don't have the luxury of being a stay-at-home Mom. Our children have to be able to function in a regular day-care environment.

Do keep an open mind. The placenta does an amazing job of shielding a baby.

[JGarrick]

Originally Posted by ilene21117

I actually did look up meth use during pregnancy and it's very scary.

Keep in mind that when you're reading about meth effects, you're reading what amounts to a series of worst case scenarios. You're also reading what's still early research. Remember the big "crack baby" scare a few years back. All those kids were supposed to be throw-aways, until they figured out that a lot of the early research was flawed. Now we have "crank babies" instead. Meth is a nasty drug, but I'd encourage you to look closer before passing on this situation, if it isn't already too late.

Remember, these were your own words:

Originally Posted by ilene21117

...she used Meth with her other children and all are healthy and mentally well...

[chemist]

Another issue about some of those studies is that they don't take into account the circumstances in which the child grew up.

i.e. a drug exposed baby living in an unstable situation is going to have a different outcome than one placed in a good home at birth.

DH's cousin adopted a crack baby and while I'm sure withdrawal was difficult, she's a good smart 10 year old now. I'd be thrilled to parent her, but she's already taken!

[JGarrick]

Originally Posted by chemist

...they don't take into account the circumstances in which the child grew up...

That's an excellent point.

Another thing that occurred to me reading some of the studies is that the best documented effect was low birth weight and size. Looking at what meth does to people, I'd wager that has as much or more to do with poor nutrition on the part of the meth-addicted mother as it does with the effect of meth on the fetus. Correlation doesn't always equal causation.

I'll add one other thought - be skeptical about anecdotal evidence. When a meth addicted mom has a baby, people tend to assume that anything that's wrong with the baby is a result of the meth. Again, correlation isn't causation.