[Karenanne]

I became an aunt again!! Friday at 1:19 pm my sister gave birth to her second son Evan James. He is doing great and in perfect health. I am thrilled for her and my BIL but his birth does bring up some sadness for myself.

I was going through IF treatments when my sister became pregnant with her first son. It was an unplanned pregnancy. I am his godmother and I love him as if he were my own but seeing all those babies in the nursery makes me sad for the babies I will never carry. It also breaks my heart because I wasn't the one who took care of my son for the first 7 months of his live. I wasn't the one who saw him take his first breath. I also feel sadness for my son's birth mother. I often wonder how long she was in labor and if she was in a lot of pain and what did she say to him as she said good bye. I mis not knowing what time my son was born. I am so sorry for the long post. Does anyone else every feel this way???

[jaenelle]

Sure, Karen. It's a little hard for me to see pregnant women, women with babies they gave birth to, etc. It does NOTHING to dim my love for Yuna, and I'm still SO grateful I have her. She is my daughter 100%.

Adoption WAS our first choice, unlike many people here. We never did TTC. We looked at my odds of concieving and carrying to term, saw they sucked, and said, "Adoption it is!" It was really just about that easy to decide, and that painless.

But that still doesn't mean I don't wonder what it's like to be pregnant, what it's like to give birth, etc. I can't say it HURTS, exactly, but it's... well, weird. Women's bodies are MADE for carrying babies, and more than likely, mine never will.

I'm looking forward to seeing Yuna grow up, and I'm hoping God will bless us with the ability to adopt again someday.

But it's okay to feel sad about something you'll never have, even if you're perfectly happy with what you DO have.

[readyfor1]

Karenanne~ I understand your pain one hundered precent. We were ttc for months when my sister got pg with her first (unplanned) child. We were still ttc when she got pg with her second...I am thrilled to death to be auntie Becky and I love to see my dear sister as a mother. But it was so painful at the time.

Even now, my friend just told me Friday that she is pregnant...again. I am so happy but I wish for a baby of my own to hold (we don't have a baby yet). I put on my happy face and even went maternity clothes shopping with her but when I got home I cried my eyes out. I think it is a normal feeling.

My mom still says she wishes she could have experienced what pregnancy was like (we are all adopted).
Lots of hugsI hope the pain passes soon.

Becky

[mom2justynsarah]

I understand how you feel. My boss recently became pregnant with her second "by accident." I still felt a pinch of envy and pain.

However, I have been blessed with two children. My son was conceived through the miracle of IVF, and my daughter through the miracle of open domestic infant adoption.

Yet, I still wish sometimes that I could have gotten pregnant again. But then that would mean I wouldn't have my daughter. So things are the way they are supposed to be.

I have learned that nobody escapes pain in this life (regardless of who, what, when, where & why etc).

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by mom2justynsarah

I have learned that nobody escapes pain in this life (regardless of who, what, when, where & why etc).

Absolutely correct! Everyone has some "cross to bear" -- sometimes we just don't know what it is.

[StacieGates]

I'm sure what you're feeling is common. We didn't adopt because of IF but rather because God called us to after our bio children were born.

it sounds like you're going through a normal grief cycle. If you can, get in front of a good counselor. Go through your feelings with him/her. If you can't get with a counselor, then maybe you can find a support group (other adoptive families who've dealt with IF or a IF-specific support group). It's healthy to talk about your emotions and work through them. You'll come out more whole in the end.

I am so sorry for the grief you're experiencing. I lost a pregnancy before our first child was born. I was overwhelmed with grief. I understand that part of your pain....for the baby that will never be.

May God bless you and keep you!
Stacie

[devildogwife]

Oh yeah, I still get a knot in my stomach when I hear that someone is pregnant. While I am usually happy for them, that brings to surface the grief I still feel on occasion for the mc's I had. I have told my sister more than once THANK YOU for not having children right now. If that's selfish, I honestly don't care. I'm not at the point in my life where I could be as happy for her as I want to be. So while I know what it's like to feel pregnant, it was never long and I live every day knowing that my body would betray me. I feel your pain.

[loveajax]

Karen, do not question yourself. I have always said that infertility is a medical condition and not being able to get pregnant/give birth is a loss. I still sometimes feel that loss.

I think there is this "expectation" many people have that adoption cures infertility. It does not.

I look at the issues totally separately. I love my daughter more than anything in the world, and am soooo amazingly happy. But I can still have feelings of sadness about something that will never be. We are human after all!!!