[ilene21117]

I posted here a few weeks ago that we were finally selected to be the adoptive parents to a 14 month old baby boy who is currently in foster care. How exciting it was to get the call. When the sw's came over to interview us they informed us that the foster parents to the baby may decide they want the baby and may get an attorney once they tell them they picked another couple. The reason that they didn't want to give him to this couple is because they are in their early 60's. They did infact get an attorney and for the past 2 weeks they've been battling with social services. We got a call yesterday and the social workers wanted to come out today and meet with us about what's going on. They came out today and our fears were confirmed that they decided to keep the baby with these people. I understand the people got attached, but I don't understand why social services would interview five other families knowing from the beginning that this family may want the baby themselves. Anyways, my husband and I are doing good with it. We realize it wasn't meant to be. However, it is still hard because for 3 weeks there we were very excited and I even had friends and family buy gifts. So that is hard, but I will save those gifts for the next baby. I just wanted to share this with all of you. Thanks.
Ilene

[mom2GRLC]

Wow. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I honestly don't agree with that. Having 60 year old parents adopting an INFANT just does not seem right at all. I understand their bond with the child. But how can that be in the BEST INTEREST of the child?

In my state DHS would not allow it. Infact I know a couple who just turned 45.. had their foster baby taken away...once it was becoming available for adoption because it was against policy for them to adopt an infant at their age....regardless of the fact that they had raised it from birth.(now in a case like that I can see why their would be a fight but not when the foster parents are already 60 years old).

[Linny]

I wouldn't disagree in this case that the foster parents were allowed to keep the child. I know...years ago, I wouldn't have understood this at all....but seeing too many older parents do a great job with little ones, I've changed my mind.
Would WE do this at 60? I don't think so! But, like I said, I've seen too many good parents----even this old; and, if this is what the child (at 14months) has always known, you can bet that baby is well attached to them.
That said, I can also attest to the heartbreak of a cw'er and dept who had our hopes up too, only to have them completely shattered because of incompetent workers.
We were TOLD we 'were to be the parents' of a sib group of three. Little ones.....15months, 4 and 5yrs. We had visits; the cw'er deliberately introduced us as 'this is your new momma and daddy'.......we continued with visits. We bought items for these children, made extensive plans.
BUT...when the supervisor of this cw'er came back to work (3 weeks or so later).....everything was changed. We were told that the cw'er had made a mistake; that the dept would have to go through the formal pool of families---even though WE were asked to adopt them, as no one else wanted to adopt THREE at a time. We were then told, after a few more weeks, that because birthperson had moved back into the area, they didn't want the kids to be placed anywhere near her.
Okay...that we bought; but it didn't help the heartbreak.

That happened over 6yrs ago. While it was a bad experience, I have to say that if it hadn't, we would never have gone back to consider infant adoption. We now have adopted three babies since then....two are now pre-schoolers, one is still itty-bit. We are happy and thrilled our lives involve these babies; and--looking back---we also appreciate the intense special needs those three sibs clearly had.

Sometimes, the bigger picture is harder to see, because you only get the snapshot. However, in time, you may see that this is alright ,and leading you to the child/children you are actually meant to have.

Sincerely,

Linny

[sunflower1220]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your child is out there and you will meet at the right time. I realize this probably doesn't help you much right now, but please know how sorry I am this happened to you.

[ilene21117]

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It truely does help. I know our baby is out there too and we just haven't met yet.

[jackiesbooks]

They may not have shared with you, but I would bet they were relatives.