[katd402]

A little background; we experienced a match that fell through just three weeks ago. It was a risky situation and we never felt good about it, but it was very painful anyway. We've just been asked if we want to be presented on a case that is also risky. The baby is due in only three weeks. The potential birthmom has two children already and feels she can't possibly support another. Her family is aware and supportive of the adoption plan. BUT, she isn't naming the birthfather. In Ohio, it's not required, so she's chosen not to as is her legal right. What do you think of this? Our social worker said that 90% of birthmoms don't name the father, which seems high to me. Have you had experience with this?

[ab_gonna_adopt]

Here's an article written by an experienced adoptoin agent:

Epinions.com - Birth Father Stereotypes

Some birth mothers, and unfortunately, some agencies and attorneys, just don't want to name the birth father because they don't want the "hassle".

The only problem I have with this article is that his language gives undue weight to the negative cases. You have to read too carefully to retain that he said "some" cases were negative, but "many" or "most" were positive. I suppose this is not a surprise - we do have a tendency to concentrate on the exceptions or the negative. But the idea that, for example, "some birth moms justifiably fear for their safety", needs to be more carefully qualified to make it clear that these are a small minority, not the norm.

[katd402]

This is very helpful, thank you!

[mommamarci]

Kat- Our son was born in Ohio and the bdad was unnamed. Ohio has a putative father registry. He has 30 days from the date of birth to register. If he does not, rights are terminated. Ours was a unique situation because the bdad was known (it was bmom's fiance) however, he did not want to be named because he did not want his name to appear in any paperwork. So, it was nervewracking, but we were also confident that since they were in a realtionship, he would not assert his rights.

I would try and get more info. If it was a one night stand, chances are he would never have any idea. If she is not naming because he wants the child, things would be more tricky. See if you can find out a little more info.

We were also told if we were not open to legal risk placements we would be waiting a LONG time because so many are legal risk due to unnamed fathers.

Good luck!

[ab_gonna_adopt]

so many are legal risk due to unnamed fathers.

It certainly does point to something seriously wrong in society, doesn't it.

[mommamarci]

Originally Posted by ab_gonna_adopt

It certainly does point to something seriously wrong in society, doesn't it.

It does. So many changes needed...

[katd402]

Our social worker just told us that they won't push her for info about him. In Ohio, she's not legally required to give his name, she said she wouldn't, so for them, it's a done deal. I know her family is supportive of her adoption plan, so I doubt they're in a relationship. I think we're going to at least be shown to her. That's not a solid agreement, but we'll be able to get more info that way.
I'm SO nervous! This entire process is just too crazy.

[loveajax]

Good luck, Kat. We had a situation where we were "unsure" whether the birth father was "known" or "not" (as it turns out, we had DNA testing done that revealed that DD's birth father is her birth mom's husband). The process here was similar in cases of "unknown" birth fathers. It is considered "high risk" but our SW said there were actually v. few circumstances of birth fathers stepping forward.