[twinspirit]

I have 2 friends who have been running in to roadblocks with private adoption agencies. They are a bit surprised and a lot disheartened.
They have been reassured that being a gay couple will not prevent them from qualifying, but that really, in the end, it would be up to the birthparent to choose them and it was very unlikely they would be chosen.
I mentioned to them that with Government adoption, they do not discriminate against same sex couples, and they seemed surprised by that.
As I personally do not know any other gay couples who have pursued an interest in adoption, I wondered if anyone out here could shed some advice or share their story.

[Leigh131313]

I hate when people say that certain things will make you unattractive to a birthmom....sure, you may wait...but even people who are paper "ideal" sometimes don't get picked.

I'm sure there are birthparents and eparents considering adoption that are FROM same sex families.....or have them in their families, or have friends who are gay....lol you get my point

What province are they in? I'm just curious...


Interesting topic!

[BrandyHagz]

We have/had a member here who was one part of a lesbian couple - her partner and her adopted their beautiful son, Liam and they live in Canada.

Their son's birthmother did chose them to parent her child - I don't recall how long they waited.

You might send her a PM (echaos) and see if she can give you some advice, I wish I had more to help!

[pwheatle]

I know of an agency here in Alberta that works with same sex couples. I would not be so sure about the government and all....remember Ralph Klein? The bottom line is that it all does come down to the birth mothers and in all reality if you are a family of differences (as am I with 12 kids) your wait potentially is longer. On the flipside though they might be exactly what an expectant mother is looking for and be matched the day of approval.
Tricia

[taramayrn]

I know of a same sex male couple that was placed with two children (placed as newborns) through my agency in Alberta.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by twinspirit

I have 2 friends who have been running in to roadblocks with private adoption agencies. They are a bit surprised and a lot disheartened.
They have been reassured that being a gay couple will not prevent them from qualifying, but that really, in the end, it would be up to the birthparent to choose them and it was very unlikely they would be chosen.
I mentioned to them that with Government adoption, they do not discriminate against same sex couples, and they seemed surprised by that.
As I personally do not know any other gay couples who have pursued an interest in adoption, I wondered if anyone out here could shed some advice or share their story.

Of course in private adoption it is the expecting parent's choice who she places her child with. My agency in Alberta does work with same-sex couples.

As for the government adoptions, they are also allowed. We had same-sex couples in our parent prep courses. Again, this is in Alberta.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by pwheatle

I know of an agency here in Alberta that works with same sex couples. I would not be so sure about the government and all....remember Ralph Klein? The bottom line is that it all does come down to the birth mothers and in all reality if you are a family of differences (as am I with 12 kids) your wait potentially is longer. On the flipside though they might be exactly what an expectant mother is looking for and be matched the day of approval.
Tricia

not sure what Ralph has to do with it but yes, adoptions by same-sex couples thru the government are possible. We had same-sex couples in our parent prep course.

[NYCgaycouple]

Originally Posted by twinspirit

They have been reassured that being a gay couple will not prevent them from qualifying, but that really, in the end, it would be up to the birthparent to choose them and it was very unlikely they would be chosen.

Is Canada so much different from the US? I would not think so.

When we were working with an agency we were chosen really quickly (although we got the sense that the PBM didn't really care, and indeed she was probably set on scamming us all along).

When we moved to the private adoption route, we placed ads that did not say it was a gay couple but it was the first thing the callers would learn once they answered the ad. Of about 10 people who answered the ads, only ONE potential birth family decided not to talk to us because we were a gay couple. Everybody else did not have a problem with it. Why would Canada be different on this respect?

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by NYCgaycouple

Is Canada so much different from the US? I would not think so.

When we were working with an agency we were chosen really quickly (although we got the sense that the PBM didn't really care, and indeed she was probably set on scamming us all along).

When we moved to the private adoption route, we placed ads that did not say it was a gay couple but it was the first thing the callers would learn once they answered the ad. Of about 10 people who answered the ads, only ONE potential birth family decided not to talk to us because we were a gay couple. Everybody else did not have a problem with it. Why would Canada be different on this respect?

I don't think it is. We were told when we started waiting that we may have to wait a very long time because my DH was nearly 50 when we started waiting, we lived in the country and we were both pastors. DD's first mom ended up picking us for many reasons that included "guess what?" ...we were older, we lived outside the city and she liked the idea that her kid would be able to go to church. Go figure...

I'm a firm believer that the expecting parents know what they want for their child in choosing other parents and that's how it will happen.

I speak on our agency panels from time to time and one firstmother in telling her story spoke of many reasons she chose the family she did. One of them was that she like the art hanging on the wall in one of the profile pictures. She was artistic herself and thought it showed that they appreciated art and that could be not only a common area of conversation but that the adopting family would be willing to help her child love art too. All sorts of reasons... I could go on and on with anecdotal evidence of this. It's all about the choice and expecting parents, if they choose to place, should be able to choose the family they want for their child.

FWIW, I know of two same-sex couples in my agency (in Alberta, probably the most conservative place in Canada) who were recently placed in a matter of a few (as in 2-3) months of waiting, a much shorter wait time than average.

[twinspirit]

I have spoken with my friends, and hope they are feeling a bit more encouraged. I agree, the private agency worker should not have told them that and it was probably a personal reflection or disapproval. They will be seeking to speak to a supervisor and will request to be reassigned.

I also suggested they sign up for the adoption forum as there is a great deal of support and info here.

I am certain their child is waiting for them.
It is interesting how bparents choose the aparents. But I suppose the bottom line, it's a bit irrelevant in the end, as long as they feel comfortable with their decision.

I hope we do not have a major discrimination problem about same sex adoption. I hope this is an isolated incident, but it does make me want to look into it a bit more.

Thanks for all your answers!

[BethAF]

I have a friend who is a gay man. He and his partner adopted a teen boy through the state. I've also spoken with a lesbian couple who adopted privately (a newborn) in Indiana. They were chosen by the bmom. So, adoption by gay and lesbian couples happens!!! It may take awhile and they may have to be open to a variety of situations. But heck, a lot of straight, "picture perfect" couples wait months and years.

I hope this couple doesn't get too discouraged. They may also want to think of trying another agency. An agency shouldn't start off by making a couple or person feel bad. Agencies should be supportive of everyone involved!!!

[pwheatle]

In regards to the Ralph Klein comment....he banned gay foster parents. Even though gay couples go thru the training does not mean the workers will place.
Foster parenting of course is a different kettle of fish than adoption it is however the same people doing the approving and the matching.

Tricia

[twinspirit]

Are you certain on this? Does this include adoptive parents too? My friends are here in Alberta. Of course, Klein isn't in charge anymore, so I wonder if that changes anything?

[taramayrn]

Are your friends interested in foster to adopt? If they are interested in newborn adoption, pm me and I will provide you with the name and information of a private agency who works with same sex couples in Alberta.

[mumofone]

Gay couple leaps 'walls' to adopt son