[BrandyHagz]

I see PAP's talk about 'Adoption Friendly States' often - but what I'm noticing is that it really isn't 'adoption friendly' it's adoptive parent friendly...in fact, I often see states with the most unfriendly birthparent laws referred to as "adoption friendly" - which I find kind of odd.

I often see states with no revocation period referred to as 'adoption friendly' - and honestly, I don't see them as friendly at all - I see them as barbaric!

I'm not looking to debate or anything - just wondering how you view adoption friendly.

Wouldn't an "Adoption Friendly State" be a state that has laws that make sure EVERYONE is treated right/fairly? That's the kind of 'adoption friendly' I could get behind!

[kelceesmom]

Brandy,
I agree with you. States should have EVERY ones interests at heart.

[ajrl]

Brandy in my opinion... I am an adoptive parent that has had a few failed adoptions. The last one was the worst..

For me an adoption friendly state is one that offers bmom counseling and to make sure that this is really what she wants to do and not to make a rash decision.. or to get even w/ someone for what ever reason..

For me it is a state that does not make the birthmom have to wait a specific amount of date for her signatures to be final.

The last failed adoption the bmom had 5 days to decide.. she had decided in advance.. but in the wait the waivering back and forth and the time that she can sign is looked at as an ultimatium for something else that she had on her mind.. for some birthmoms they know they want to place and have their reasons but then the days come and they can change their minds it can be very hard on them to have this daily decision for days.. that's why states like Ga or FL or others that have 10 and 30 days for the bmoms to decide is very hard.

so for me.. it is letting them get it overwith quickly and in a nice humane setting that they are again asked if this is what they really want and they come up w/ the final decision.

AJ

[BrandyHagz]

ajrl,

So, how would you deal with unethical agenies who would be bedside, minutes after birth, with papers in hand?

Shouldn't potential birthparents be afforded a chance to get back to normal, hormonally, before making that decision?

Or, would you propose no minimum when they can be signed, but an extended revocation period, so the birthparents can ensure that the decision they've made is the one they want?

[loveajax]

Brandy, I think it's probably just a "misnomer" -- I guess "adoption friendly states" would be better called something like "adoptive parents friendly states."

I have to say as an a parent (and potentially adopting again), a big factor for me is looking at the mimimum amount of time before a birth parent can sign and also whether there is a revocation period. I frankly would prefer to adopt from a state that had a three to four day period before papers could be signed and no revocation period. I mean, frankly, if there were reforms that changed that, fine, but I think as an a parent, I would want to be in a place with the least risk to me (I think that's human nature, I guess). (I've posted before I'm not a huge fan of revocation periods.)

[Leigh131313]

When I hear adoption friendly it means

- low revocation times
- low birthparent expenses
- quick finalization times.


in other words, yes more adoptive parent friendly.

[sanielsen]

I agree with Leigh.

Brandy, how long do you think birthparents should have until TPR? In that case, does the baby stay in a receiving home until TPR? It's an interesting debate.

I think that agencies should pay birthparent expenses and that aparents should reimburse the agency after finalization. But, I also think that birthparent expenses should be low.

[ajjhmf]

I guess for me 'adoption friendly' has a different meaning.

It's a state that ofers good post-adoption resources to families and adoptees.

A state that offers post-adoption financial support for therapies and has an abundance of therapists that specialize in adoption related issues. For both children and adult adoptees.

A state that has good laws for adoptees searching andallows tham access to there records.

Because we went the foster-adoption route, I don't have any first-hand experience with revocation laws in infant domestic adoption. But as a women who has given birth, I think that even 30 days can be too soon. I know my hormones were still a mess at the one month mark. I don't know what the 'magic' number would be, but signing before then would be to me barbaric. It might be harder on aparents, but this isn't supposed to be easy.

I also think that states should require independent counseling for eparents before and after placement. Obviously, it's their choice to take it, but it should be offered and not be tied to the adoption agency who interests are not always neutral.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Our agency referred to adoption friendly states as states that best suited adoptive parents wants/needs/desires. Because, you know, they weren't concerned with expectant and birth parent rights in the slightest.

[mom2justynsarah]

Here is my take. My daughter was born in California. We live in S. Florida. Once the adoption was finalized, I found Florida to be way more adoptive parent friendly. I have had the unfortunate scare of California being PRO BIRTHMOM!

Basically, if my daughter's birthmom had a ton of money, had a great lawyer, and wanted to parent my daughter, she would be able to. It wouldn't matter that my daughter is already two years old and has been with us since birth.

California is very liberal and famous for having the ability to overturn an adoption. The way they do it is by claiming "Fraud." on the adoptive parents side.

This is not to say Dee (bmom) wants to or will do so. But she got upset with me a couple of months ago (long story, but had to do with crossing boundaries). She threatened to take legal action.

I was informed by our facillitator (after checking things out with a few California lawyers) that Dee could have the adoption overturned if she really wanted to.

[Stormster]

I'm glad to learn everything I have on this thread, I don't know anything about the term and have never thought about it.

I realize it is the PBM's choice whether or not to go through with an adoption. And as a woman I respect and honor that choice and would not want to pursue an adoption with anyone who had serious doubts about it.

But I do worry about us too. I am glad in our State NY, we are not permitted to pay more than 3 months living expenses to PBM's (in private adoption) and one of the months is supposed to be post partum.

I think that protects us a lot. But PBM's are protected too because of the rigorous licensing system.

I do think New York tries to make it fair to everyone BUT I have one complaint.

With all these private adoptions taking place, who is educating the PBM'S about counseling? I know a good attorney would make sure she knew about the expenses, revoking rights etc, but so far we have never been told to offer a PBM counseling. Who is regulating that? We can ask for medical records, ask for drug testing...it doesn't seem right not to automatically offer counseling! It would help to protect everyone involved but particularly the PBM.

Thanks. PS We are doing the private route and will always offer counseling. I believe the reimbursement is in addition to the general living expenses....I'm 99%sure about that. I'M SORRY IF I GOT ANYTHING WRONG I'M NOT AN EXPERT BUT THIS IS WHAT WE'VE SEEN SO FAR.

[BrandyHagz]

I'm sorry, this thread wasn't supposed to be about what I thought was a fair TPR - it was about the use of 'Adoption Friendly State" when infact, most of the time, the correct label would be "Adoptive Parent Friendly".

I'd be happy to discuss my opinions on TPR periods and revocation - if someone would like to start another thread on that...I really don't want this thread to get sidetracked

[Stormster]

I don't know if you are referring to my post...sorry if I side tracked!

[BrandyHagz]

I wasn't

Someone asked me what I thought was fair in regards to TPR and revocation - and while I do have strong opinions on the topic, I don't want this specific thread to get sidetracked into a debate on that.

[BrandyHagz]

D'oh I realize now why I was asked about the revocation period.

I often see states with no revocation period referred to as 'adoption friendly' - and honestly, I don't see them as friendly at all - I see them as barbaric!

That should actually read - I often see states with no TPR period referred to as 'adoption friendly' - and honestly, I don't see them as friendly at all - I see them as barbaric!