[Stormster]

Well it seems we can add another category to our experiences from failed "match" to failed adoption. We are here in a motel in the middle of nowhere and although the father first agreed to sign everything seems to have changed his mind. He said he'd think about it but that he probably wouldn't budge. There was a lot of tears boarding on hysteria the last two days both from his sister (towards me just for daring to come here - she didn't know he had agreed), the baby's mom because she wants this adoption very badly. We are so upset. We travelled through the night to get here and spent a big chunk of our adoption budget because we had to get changable flights not knowing when the return would be.

Now this man didn't know about the baby until the baby was born. So granted he was confused when it happened. And we have no right to judge him. But he has five kids already and his mother and his sister are raising a few of them and the other two are with his ex's. He lives with his mom and hes' a known Meth user (mom and her new boyfriend have gotten clean but Dad still uses according to mom).

Ethically he had a right to change his mind, but after naming the baby and spending a day with him this is so painful only someone who has gone through it would understand the agony of just leaving him here esp. with a mother who cannot raise him (she's 31 and has four boys she's trying to get back after losing them for trouble with drugs and the law). She's going back to school now, working hard and REALLY wants us to have the baby.

This is the second time the father has blocked adoptions with no ability or intention to raise the baby but forced the mother into parenting against her will.

We are all in a hotel, the mom has Ryan now. We are waiting to hear from our attorney today but the likliehood is that we will return home tomorrow without him.

He is a beautiful, healthy boy. We had him yesterday. There are other ways to try make this happen legally but there is a risk we won't be able to keep him with us. Part of me wants to go home and part of me wants to fight. The mom told me none of these children have a "normal" life and she wants this boy to have a life with us. She's amazingly strong and sure about this.

The other thing is now she's taken the baby back and even though she's in a hotel down the hall, even if something changes, perhaps she's bonding now too. In that case, we will know this isn't meant to be.

It's a mess. I KNOW THIS IS STILL THEIR CHILD. So please I don't need to hear that in the replies. I'm looking for God's strength and the strength of my friends on these boards to help me.

Thanks. PS Maybe I was right about things being too good to be true really being too good to be true.

[danhanan]

I'm so sorry this is happening. I have no words of wisdom... but prayers and positive thoughts.

[kdibattista]

No words can express how sorry I am

[time2grow]

I haven't been through a similar situation, so I can only imagine what you are going through. I am truly sorry for what is happening and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[thornbird]

Sending "strength" vibes your way...

[shy_bear]

I am so sorry to hear this is happening to you and to the birthmom. Sending prayers your way!!!

[sunflower1220]

I'm so sorry storm, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[HBV]

I'm so sorry. All I could think of to do when our adoption was threatened was to pray to St. Joseph. He is the patron saint of children, and especially adopted children.

Thinking of you this morning...

[specialk4b]

I'm so soory. Sending support vibes your way ~~~~~~~~

[traceyk]

Oh hun, I just replied to your PM without reading this first!!!! I am sorry, may you find peace with this!

[joskids]

Stormster, so sorry to hear you are having to go through this. We ended up in a contested situation with a birthfather who initially did not want her to have the baby, then totally backed the adoption and then when our dear baby was 5 mos. old he contested the adoption (likely with the support of his mother and sister who did not even know about the entire pregnancy). It took much of our money in attorney fees and almost a year of not knowing whether she would stay or not but we finally have her adoption final. I can SO SYMPATHIZE with what you are feeling. Please know I am praying and thinking of you today.

Josie

[SingleMama2B]

Stormster...... I have NOT been through what you are, but please know that prayers are being straight up for you, and all concerned (especially Ryan)!

I hope that you find peace and comfort....

[bajj]

I'm sorry Stormster. You're in my prayers.

[katd402]

Oh my gosh, what a painful experience. You are in my thoughts and my prayers. We're here if you need us!

[lonni]

Oh my, Stormster. If he isn't helping raise the kids,why can't he let the Mother chose? Makes no sense to me.If he is not parenting,then it should be her choice,IMO. I am sorry Stormster.Way too much pain for you as of late;~(