[maybemomma]

Quick back-story: 19yo sister is pg and plans to put the baby up for adoption. She doesn't know that we may be interested in adopting it, but we're planning to talk to her while we're home for Christmas. We're trying to quickly gather info so that we know we're definitely going to do it if she agrees before we ask her and get everyone all excited (good or bad).

Well, I've talked to an agency, which is a pretty expensive way to go. It will be $6000 if she lives with us for about a month before L&D b/c she would deliver in the state we live in instead of her state. (Saves a lot of paperwork and additional legal fees.) The advantage to this method is that she and the father only have 72hrs after birth to change their minds.

We decided that we'd rather go through a lawyer. It's only $2000 that way, but the ones I've talked to will only do kinship adoptions in this situation meaning that the we are given temporary custody and power of attorney for the child for 12mos, and the adoption isn't finalized for those 12mos. Interpretation: Costs significantly less, but there's more time for something to go awry.

Any thoughts? I am meeting via phone with another lawyer tomorrow morning.

[maybemomma]

BTW, we understand that she would need to agree to all of this including staying with us prior to L&D, and we also intend to get her counseling to make sure she really wants to do this regardless of whether or not we go through an agency.

[mlbsands]

What state are you in? Does she have ins? What state is she in? Many times you cannot move a preg mom just for the sake of adoption, so make sure that is ok.. I can tell you more once I know which states are involved.

But I would say to do your best to stay away from an agency if this goes thru.. lawyers would be the best way to go.

Mandy

[sanielsen]

I agree with Mandy, if you can keep this as a private adoption it will be much less expensive for you. Just make sure that the attorney you choose knows your state laws and does everything by the book.

Good luck!

[ourdreamcametru]

I agree, sitck with an attorney but be sure they know the laws of both states and follow them by the book! Best of luck, we'll be waiting for an update after Christmas!

[2manyks]

i dont know, im all for saving money, but if you could do it like a regular adoption rather then a kinship adoption with less time for her to change her mind, it might be worth spending the money to put your mind at ease rather then having a year to finalize. we've done a kinship adoption and its not easy on your mind. the birth family has visitations for that year.

[mrpbjnance]

I am not sure how different the laws are in different states, but we went through a privat attorney and once the ** has placed the child with you its only 30 days were she can change her mind in CA. The other time is just waiting for paperwork etc.
A good attorney can give you the details and has your interest in mind more than an agency would (just my opinion)

[LegalEagleMom]

If you are going the attorney route, make sure you check with your Bar assocation to check out the track record with the lawyer. Dont hesiate to ask questions. Most lawyers are pretty good about answering them. We adopted our dd through an agency but and didnt have any problems. I have also had friends that have had sucess with lawyers. RESEARCH is the key.

[maybemomma]

My bio is kind of confusing b/c I didn't know what to put for location when I signed up since we're dealing w/2 states. My sister and future biofather are in Illinois. DH and I are in Colorado.

Thanks everyone for your replies so far. I meet w/another lawyer by phone in just a little over an hour!

[BrandyHagz]

I could be wrong, but isn't Colorado an Agency Only State - meaning, you have to use an agency to complete an adoption in Colorado?

[Vogi2002]

I personally think that maybe you should wait and if your sister agrees to let you adopt her child, talk to HER about which route she and you would rather go. There are positives to each, for her and you, so maybe talk about it with her. I would research an attorney, and an agency, talk to them, write down what each has to offer, and work it out together!

But,that's just my personal opinion Good luck!!

[ourdreamcametru]

We are in Tennessee and our wait was 15 days, this is the amount of time the birthmother had to change her mind. Then we finalized in 6 months from birth this wait was for paperwork.

[maybemomma]

And I'm so excited...Darn it! I'm trying so hard to not get my hopes up, but he sounded pretty optimistic. Plus he's willing to do the adoption the way we want instead of kinship-only like the other lawyers we spoke with where we don't finalize for a year.

This is the only route we're willing to consider b/c, while I want my sister to make the best decision for her, I have to protect my family and myself emotionally too. It would destroy DH and I to have a child for 10-11mos and bond with it as our own and then have either sister or biofather change their minds.

I fully believe that this will work out if it's meant to, and there are some things that we'll be able to negotiate on based on her needs/wants. However, this is not one of them. If she doesn't want us to adopt, we'll be very sad, but we'll be able to move on in a direction that is more appropriate for us.

We'll have an in-person consultation w/the lawyer after the first of the year (assuming sister is on board at that time) so that he can do some more research that is particular to our situation, so we still don't have solid answers. However, we have enough to be able to talk to immediate family over the holidays. (We leave for home where sister is tomorrow afternoon.)

She doesn't know that we're interested yet, so that's the last big hurdle for us. We haven't told her or my parents that we're considering this yet b/c we didn't want to get everyone excited (good or bad) if we weren't 100% committed, which means that we not only WANT to do this but we can FINANCIALLY do this.

Other than sister saying no, which is possible and why I'm trying to not get my hopes up too much, there shouldn't be too many big hurdles left. I can't imagine that we wouldn't pass the homestudy, which we'll likely have to do if we don't do the kinship adoption that has the 12mo waiting period before the adoption is finalized.

[maybemomma]

Brandy...I thought so too, but after calling several lawyers it looks like we can do it through them.