[ramnds]

I want to start by saying--we are just finishing up our homestudy and have sent the our "stuff" to a few different agencies. We are not matched yet, but are obviously looking at all the baby gear we will need and want. So do I buy it all now, or should I wait until we actually have a match or a baby. For example, I picked our an adorable pink stroller the other day--a baby boy won't like that too much. I also picked out a very neutral one. Should we buy it now?

My husband and I had initially agreed to take almost nothing with us when we went to the hospital to pick up baby. We were going to buy everything--well almost everything when we knew what gender the baby was. Our thoughts had been that if something happens, and we don't come home with a baby, we wouldn't have to bring all that stuff back home and have me sit and cry and look at it. But, because we are very much impulse buyers, we are not afraid that once we are there, and know whether it is a boy or girl--we will go crazy and just buy, buy, buy!

So I am asking for all your opinions. What did you do?

I can't believe how things have changed since we had our bson 5 years ago! So much cool stuff!

Thanks so much in advance!

Rachel

[pg13209]

Personally,
If I were you I would not buy anything as of yet. God forbid should something go ary and the adoption get stalled or even worse not go through. It would be horrible. Wait until you have not only referral but the Baby guarnteed in your arms

[mrsdatabits]

Adoptions can happen slowly, but they can also happen quickly. So, my opinion would be to go ahead and start getting stuff. I'd say stick to gender neutral colors. Or, if you don't care, get whatever. DH and I didn't get a lot of pink in the beginning because we knew if we had a boy we wouldn't want him in pink (not to mention neither of us like pink!), but we didn't mind getting blue because we wouldn't have a problem putting a girl in blue. We did end up having a girl but we didn't mind any of the blue we had because we tried to stick to neutral themes even if the color were blue. Our carseat, stroller, bedding, etc., was all neutral.

We felt better having some of these purchases out of the way even though we didn't know when our baby was coming because then we didn't have to worry about running to the store at 2 am to get "essentials", not to mention all the things we'd still have to buy because we didn't know we'd need. =) And, once we did know our baby was a girl, we did start getting more "girly" things, but up to that point what we got we stayed pretty neutral.

In regards to your question about the stroller... if you like the neutral one and feel the need to buy now, I'd say go with that. That way, if you have a boy it'll work and if you have a girl it'll work.

[Vogi2002]

Okay, so this is all a matter of opinion. I bought all my stuff now (not ALL just the stuff I know I will need before baby arrives and the rest I'll get at my shower after the baby is born). We set up the nursery, painted, put the bedding up, etc. I will say that it has never once made me sad (okay once when I had to "dust" it I was sad....) but other than that it makes it feel REAL. It makes me feel like this is not like infertility and won't end up going nowhere. This WILL happen. That's what I get when I walk in there. I have gender neutral stuff and found REALLY cute things, but I will only buy something if I REALLLLY love it so everything in there is special to me.

Some people it can make them sad, but I say to do it BEFORE YOU ARE MATCHED, that way, your nursery is for YOUR baby, not that specific one...KWIM? Everyone who has done this that I know of loves it and am GLAD that they did it....

But again, I know many who didn't and that is fine too!! Just whatever your personal limits and fears are...

Good luck!

[tomandcate]

Our agency required that we have a carseat in order to take the baby home from the hospital - my understanding is most if not all hospitals have the same requirement, they will not let you take the baby without a carseat. But maybe you already have that...

As far as supplies, we bought beforehand, and we bought everything gender-neutral (painted and decorated the nursery, bought the furniture, stroller, onesies and sleepers, a gender-neutral "coming home" suit, bottles, etc. etc.)

My MIL thought we were setting ourselves up for heartbreak (a long wait having to look at an empty nursery) but our son came home only one month after we were approved and I was SO happy we had most everything done - there was still plenty we had to buy after the fact (especially some boy stuff!) but it allowed us to relax more enjoy the baby instead of being so panicked about getting things done...we were so tired those first six weeks I can't imagine having to do everything I did to get ready if the baby was already home.

Good luck - it's exciting whichever way you decide to go!

Cate

Edited to add - we just moved to a new house in August and one of the first things we did was get the nursery stripped and painted and ready for baby #2 - our son moved to new furniture in his new "big boy room" so the nursery is all ready, even though we realize it could be a year or more before we bring home another baby...heck, we just finished our home study and it will probably be January before we go "active." But for me it is as Natalie said - it makes it real, we all enjoy spending time in there and it helps introduce the idea to Sam, who says "Baby Woom!" everytime we pass by it.

[babydubs5]

We bought most of the essentials already. We have our nursery done (mainly because I wanted DHs help in painting and assembling furniture.... he's gone a lot with his new command right now) and we have the stroller and carseat (my mom bought for us... she wants us to be ready! ) Other than that, I've bought some cute gender neutral outfits here and there and some books. Nothing major.

Unless you are the kind of person who does get sad looking at a nursery already done, I don't see the harm in getting the essentials done and out of the way in case something comes up quickly. I'm the type of person who likes to be prepared though. It's a completely personal choice, and neither side is wrong

[Fran27]

We bought things as soon as we got 'in the books'. Well, not right away, but I looked for deals in stores and on ebay and we bought things over 2 months, and we didn't pay full price for most of them.

Right now everything is in the baby room, with the door closed. The room isn't set up yet as we were painting the other room and had to put everything somewhere, but we should set it up soon, although there's no hurry as the baby will live in our room for the first few months anyway. Clothes are washed though (they were from a thrift store, so not like we could exchange them).

That was 5 months ago, and we're still waiting, but at least I know we got everything covered and won't have to go to the store at the last minute and probably not for a couple months, plus we were able to get great deals as we had time to look, when we would probably have got to pay full price had we got everything at the last minute. Also, it's less last-minute expenses we will have to deal with if we end up having to stay in a hotel for 2 weeks (we'll just buy a pack'n play then). And, most important point, we didn't buy for a specific baby, but for 'a' baby. So, even if our first match doesn't work out, we won't have all the reminders.

For the colors, we mostly got yellows, greens, whites and light blues. At this point I don't really care if we get a girl and she ends up in light blue the first 3 months, lol!

But I think it's a personal choice also. Our nursery is upstairs, and we never go there, so it's not like we see it every day either.

[sanielsen]

We aren't buying anything in advance - we'll paint the nursery and get it ready, but I don't think I can look at that room with the crib, clothes, etc. in it and not have my baby.

[jaenelle]

We waited until the homestudy was done, and then bought a few things. A crib (which was a waste of money as Yuna is STILL sleeping in her carseat and screams if you go anywhere near the crib with her! ) and a few gender-neutral clothes/blankets, etc.

We waited to buy most of the stuff, though. We got called about Yuna at 5:00 one evening and made a whirlwind Wal-Mart run the next morning before leaving for Texas -- bought the car seat, some GIRL clothes, diapers/wipes, formula, etc.

My cousin had also given us three HUGE laundry baskets full of clothes from her daughter, so we basically had what Yuna needed clothes-wise, already. She will be pretty well outfitted until she outgrows 4T clothes with just what we have already!

[mommamarci]

We had everything in advance. There are a lot of expesnes that come up with a new baby! I did not want to add the stress of needing to go spend $1000 buying everything. So, we bought a little at a time spending a few hundred a month while going through the home study and waiting. Plus when we got the call, Cameron was already a week old. We were actually headed out the door for a wedding and went straight from the wedding to pick him up!!

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by ramnds

I want to start by saying--we are just finishing up our homestudy and have sent the our "stuff" to a few different agencies. We are not matched yet, but are obviously looking at all the baby gear we will need and want. So do I buy it all now, or should I wait until we actually have a match or a baby.Thanks so much in advance!

Rachel

When I did my first adoption (1997/1998), I couldn't wait!! I started buying things while I was finishing the homestudy. I remember buying a white snowsuit and my mother said "But you don't know if will even be the right season". That was the only clothing item I bought. I bought furniture & lots of toys & books.
btw: My baby girl did get to wear the snowsuit her first winter.

The second time around, I wasn't expecting a match so soon so I didn't have anything at all. I borrowed a carseat & picked up bottles & formula on my way to pick her up. The first night home, Angel slept in a homemade cradle (made out of a laundry basket). Fortunately, a coworker brought me a ton of baby items the next day so I had a really bassinet for the next night.

When Hanna came along, I many of Angel's things (her adoption disrupted) so I was better equipped.

Since you don't know when you'll get the call, I'd have the basics on hand. Carseat, crib or cradle, bottles, formula, little unisex outfits..etc. Just enough to get you through the first week or so in case you get an unexpected call about a baby.
Kat-L

[HBV]

If you have a big support system, I'd say get essentials and wait on a lot of the little stuff. We had the carseat/stroller system, a cradle (the one my sister and I both slept in as a child, which had been reinforced and fitted w/ new hardware for my nephew), diapers, a few bottles, receiving blankets, a few basic onesies, but that's it. I had ordered the crib, but it was custom made, so it wasn't ready for a few months. The room was emptied out and clean, but not painted or otherwise ready, which was frankly no big deal because he slept in our room in the cradle for the first 3 months anyway.

I wanted to put together a nursery for this specific baby, and because we were open to any race, I wanted to be able to incorporate cultural elements into the room to speak to the baby's heritage. Also, as others have said, I didn't want to look at an empty room.

The hospital gave us formula, and within an hour of coming home, my sister, my parents and a couple of friends went and bought out Target and BRU. Dh's parents showed up with even more stuff, and the doorbell rang all weekend with friends and neighbors dropping off gifts. Everyone's different, of course, and if you're a private person this approach might not be for you. My outlook was that we have lots of wonderful friends and family, and I was so happy to have all of these people take an immediate interest in this new addition. It was really the "village" coming together for the child. Do what you're most comfortable with. My advice is not to go TOO nuts---you'll find that you only wind up using about half the stuff anyway.

[maviskat]

We did very little ahead of time...would not have wanted to see all that baby stuff in a house with no baby.
Two weeks before our daughter's birth we worked up the courage to go get the basics...carseat, diapers, blankets, onesies, washclothes, bottles, a few outfits.
After she was home with us, we picked up a few more things. Our wonderful families had a shower for us 2 weeks later (just this passed Sunday) and believe me we are now set for a long while!!!!!!!
The basics worked well for us for these last few weeks and now with the help of our family we are putting the nursery together.

Kathy

[freckleyone]

Wow. This is my first time posting, and it's a topic I've thought a lot about. We've been matched with a baby boy who is now 5 days overdue. Talk about being anxious! We haven't yet bought a thing. Our friends and families are so excited, they've started going crazy. I felt good just about getting our biological son's old baby clothes out and washing and packing them. I'm sure it all depends on where you are mentally, financially, etc., but I am so used to failure in this respect, I just can't do it. After the death of a baby girl, 6 miscarriages, and one failed adoption, I will go shopping when the birthmom is on her way to the agency for placement, because, of course, you have to have a carseat to take a baby anywhere. What kind of parent doesn't use a carseat? I'm glad for the rest of you who can be so excited, though. = )

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by ramnds

I want to start by saying--we are just finishing up our homestudy and have sent the our "stuff" to a few different agencies. We are not matched yet, but are obviously looking at all the baby gear we will need and want. So do I buy it all now, or should I wait until we actually have a match or a baby. For example, I picked our an adorable pink stroller the other day--a baby boy won't like that too much. I also picked out a very neutral one. Should we buy it now?

My husband and I had initially agreed to take almost nothing with us when we went to the hospital to pick up baby. We were going to buy everything--well almost everything when we knew what gender the baby was. Our thoughts had been that if something happens, and we don't come home with a baby, we wouldn't have to bring all that stuff back home and have me sit and cry and look at it. But, because we are very much impulse buyers, we are not afraid that once we are there, and know whether it is a boy or girl--we will go crazy and just buy, buy, buy!

So I am asking for all your opinions. What did you do?

I can't believe how things have changed since we had our bson 5 years ago! So much cool stuff!

Thanks so much in advance!

Rachel

As soon as we started waiting, we started fixing up the nursery. We thought about it and decided that we wanted to do it then for a couple reasons. One... it gave us hope, as another said, to make it feel real that THAT room would be for our someday baby, not just a catch all room. And two... we wanted it to be for OUR baby. I mean this to say that we felt if we waited til after we were matched, if the match didn't work out, it might be harder to consider all that we had done for another child. Fortunately for us, we did as our DD was born and home with us a week to the hour from the first phone call.

OTOH, with DS, we did next to nothing except make sure he had a bassinet and a few clothes to wear. Our house sold the same week we were matched so we found out we could care for him just fine without having everything finished.

So I say... go with your instinct. If it would be more helpful than not to have it done, than do it. It was a great project for us to do the nursery while we waited and a place of solitude when we were struggling with the wait. And sometimes, the door was shut for weeks as we weren't sure it would happen.

On another note, we waited to purchase all the big items (furniture etc were given to us be family) like carseat/stroller until we were matched. Even then, it was a hopeful act.

Enjoy this time!!!