[Stormster]

We know a couple (not well) who adopted a gorgeous little girl in Florida (they live in the NY area). I believe they were working with a private attorney but I think they may have thrown their money in a few directions at once (they are very wealthy). Whenever the issue of how it finally worked out comes up, the subject is quickly changed. Something isn't kosher there....

And then when I look at Sharon Stone with her three matching boys....it makes me wonder if the very rich are able to adopt in different ways.

Part of me thinks "of course" but another part wonders how? I'm not rich and looking for guidance believe me! Just curious???

[Vogi2002]

Sadly, some people do throw money around, my aunt and uncle gave thier son's bmom 20,000 for college along with all other expenses. When they told me that I wanted to slap them. They have no idea what that does to the adoption world.

YES that is very illegal though.

[SchmennaLeigh]

As for this couple, perhaps they did everything properly but maybe the finalization was contested or perhaps they feel it's their own business.

We have affluent couples on the forums who followed the laws to the T. Your post is rather negative towards them. Why? Following laws and acting ethically in adoption has nothing to do with money and everything to do with a person's/couple's moral value.

[bethy724]

Adoption & how a family is formed is a private matter & that may be why this couple change the topic-basically it is none of your business. If you would like to educate yourself on adoption this is a great forum.
As far as Sharon Stones children - which is none of anybodybodys business but hers & her family-perhaps she requested a certain hair / eye color or her sons bio mom had another child & it was offered to her first-who knows.
I hope I don't sound harsh, but strangers or even distant friends/neighbors who are so interested in my sons adoption/background/ reason for being put up for adoption make me nervous-IT'S NOBODYS BUSINESS but mine & his.

[Stormster]

I am shocked but I am also one of those naive ones...I can't believe it?!?! I assume the agencies and attorney's just step back and look the other way? It makes me physically sick to think that while the rest of us wait, and follow the rules, people can be so nonchalant while they BUY babies. Is it a felony? Must be! I have to show the judge copies of each and every ad we placed....there are already 50 or more....how do people get around the judge!? Esp. when bringing the infant out of state....

[Stormster]

Do you guys mean to say this never happens? I didn't say all wealthy people do it. As for the couple not thinking it is our business. We live in a very close community and the husband's father is friends with my father for over 50 years and he did discuss it with my father and even said something to me about the whole adoption being a 'mystery' to everyone...I would not post what I did unless I knew something shadey happened there. But I can see I have hit a few nerves there. So I will sign off now. I really feel attacked.

[SchmennaLeigh]

We live in a very close community and the husband's father is friends with my father for over 50 years and he did discuss it with my father and even said something to me about the whole adoption being a 'mystery' to everyone..

That doesn't mean it's your business any more than it's your business what goes on in the delivery room of Jane Doe, three doors down from your home.

[myccg2004]

I have said this to family and friends of mine before. It comes up everytime we hear about a famous/wealthy family adopt. Most people who adopt do not have the funds to hire EVERY adoption attorney or apply to EVERY adoption agency around. Most simply stick with one maybe 2 and work on their adoptions from there. But the extremely wealthy people that we hear about have the money to sign with many agencies and hire many attorneys. Does that make it wrong or unethical, of course not. It makes them fortunate if you ask me. If I had endless funds, I would have done the same thing. Just like if I had millions, I would own 10 cars instead of 1 and houses all around the world and not just the one we live in. I know you cannot compare adoption with cars and houses, BUT a lot of it does have to do with money. It's a shame to say but it does. I have to think that everyone who adopts goes through the same channels as the rest of us. BUT, having a lot of money can make it much easier - just like a lot of things in life.

[Vogi2002]

I do agree that this couple (and even Sharon Stone's) business is thier business.

At the same time, I do understand what you are trying to say Storm, I think it just sounded a little "accusing" KWIM? Sometimes it's hard to get what we want to across because we are reading text, and each read things a different way.

It IS frustrating for me to hear of people like my aunt and uncle, where i KNOW they did something illegal and frankly they don't care at all and think WE should do the same (they are snobs..when I asked how much it costs they said "45,000" and then made me feel like crap because i said I could never do that). I DO though try not to assume that this happened with all quick adoptions (or with "well-off" people). Sometimes it's just the luck of the draw, and in any rate we all have to go through the same loops as the other (even though it may not quite seem that way).

You sound like you are having a real bad day and was just venting....believe me I get it (especially with the finances....I'm SOOO stressed about this). I hope your day is better.

NJ-LMAO about the used/low mileage thing. People will think what they want no matter what. People assume my parents are paying for our adoption and make little comments...funny thing is we are paying for it ourselves, with money we saved, not a dime from any loan, etc, and if we DO get money it will be very very little from dh's grandma and grandpa, not that it's anybody's business and that it makes me better than someone who DID get a loan. KWIM?

Natalie

[Fran27]

I don't think that it is necessarily illegal. I don't know about you, but if I had lots of money, I would sign up with EVERY agency I could find to be matched faster. So yes, I would probably have a baby faster, but that wouldn't make it unethical.

See what I mean?

Of course I'm not talking about Natalie's uncle...

[MamaS]

I do know what you mean, and it is frustrating. How much money you have and who you know matters more than whether you will be good parents. A friend of my mother's adopted through her b-i-l who was an obstetrician. He "found" three children in three years for his brother by offering the parents of the unwed teenage bmothers a "deal" -- free obstetrical care if they signed over the newborns to his brother in private adoptions. The implication was that otherwise DFCS might be involved and they would lose the baby AND lose out on the free medical care. It may be illegal, it certainly is immoral and unethical, but they got their three children.
I did it the hard way -- paperwork, waiting, getting referrals, losing referals, and finally, a plane ride to Central America. I wouldn't have it any other way!

[teranga]

MamaS,
There are ethical and unethical rich people. There are ethical and unethical people with less money. Your statement to me implies you are saying that people with money tend to do things like what this one person apparently did (illegally). I also think there may be more to that situation than meets the eye. There is a lot more involved with a child becoming available for adoption than a doctor striking a deal with a b-mother. Even assuming that was the case, there are illegal and immoral situations with those w/o money as well, from time to time. There are cases of people who sell their babies to a dealer for drug money too...neither of these scenarios is typical. I wouldn't infer that people without money tend to buy babies on the street just because it has happened any more than people with money buy babies (or some variation thereof) in a hospital on a regular basis.

I would like to point out there are many people with a lot of money on these forums. I don't think we'd feel comfortable about others generalizing by race, or by gender. And I don't like the generalizing by financial well being.

I do agree that there may be more legal outlets (like signing on with multiple agencies) for those with money, but it's not illegal or immoral. And for those who adopted internationally, there is no benefit at all to having a lot of money (excluding, perhaps, the Madonna fiasco).

[bromanchik]

Sharon Stone's youngest two were surrogate adoptions, I believe with the same surrogate.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by teranga

MamaS,
There are ethical and unethical rich people. There are ethical and unethical people with less money. Your statement to me implies you are saying that people with money tend to do things like what this one person apparently did (illegally). I also think there may be more to that situation than meets the eye. There is a lot more involved with a child becoming available for adoption than a doctor striking a deal with a b-mother. Even assuming that was the case, there are illegal and immoral situations with those w/o money as well, from time to time. There are cases of people who sell their babies to a dealer for drug money too...neither of these scenarios is typical. I wouldn't infer that people without money tend to buy babies on the street just because it has happened any more than people with money buy babies (or some variation thereof) in a hospital on a regular basis.

I would like to point out there are many people with a lot of money on these forums. I don't think we'd feel comfortable about others generalizing by race, or by gender. And I don't like the generalizing by financial well being.

I do agree that there may be more legal outlets (like signing on with multiple agencies) for those with money, but it's not illegal or immoral. And for those who adopted internationally, there is no benefit at all to having a lot of money (excluding, perhaps, the Madonna fiasco).

Good post Teranga... generalizing never adds to any conversation. And no matter what the specifics of a situation, we most often never know the whole story, no matter how much we'd like to believe that we do. It may be true but I doubt it is typical, both in that someone simply made this arrangement or that the expecting mothers would be party to it as well.

[Honesty76]

Our adoptions have also been looked upon as "mysterious" because we have adopted five children in exactly five years (to the day) and the longest wait we ever had was about 6 weeks. We do not have tons of money, nor did we throw money in many directions. and we ABSOLUTELY did nothing unethical/illegal. We get a lot of questions from people wondering how we could afford 5 adoptions so quickly and where we "found" 5 babies to adopt in such short amount of time. To me I have nothing to explain. This was not MY plan but THE plan and that is what I believe. We did a lot of research on agencies and funding before we ever applied. After the first adoption we got the adoption tax credit and put that away in a seperate account for the next. We continued to recycle that way for each, so in our eyes we really only paid for the first adoption. There is a right family for each situation... when that situation comes around- things just sort of fall into place. Please do not judge unless you have the full story- and most aparents don't share the whole story as that is not theirs to share. This coming from one of those "mysterious" adoptive families.