[lisa in venice]

We got questions about eugenics and picking only pretty babies. All four of our kids are very attractive. That's not just a mom's pride but what we hear from everyone who meets them and several agents. Anyway somefolks good heartedly muse at how we got such beautiful kids and some folks are not a generous in their assumptions. I honestly believe that so many people think that domestic adoption is virually impossible that you MUST be doing something shadey fo accomplish it and to accompish it quickly with healthy beautiful kids there must be something extra sleezy about the way you did it.

lisa

[2manyks]

we are probably a mystery too. we already have 11 children and are awaiting the birth of our 12th. people dont say it to me, but they say it to my friends & family, looking for our secret. they want to know how come we "get" so many when they can't 'find' one. 'it's not fair'. 'how did they get that baby so easy' and one of my favorites, 'why do they get a 'normal' baby, they should only take special needs because they already have so many 'normal' kids. as if special needs is second place or saving the healthy children for a more deserving family. i've heard it all and i am insulted by it. we do everything right, legal and ethical. we just don't talk a lot about it, especially to the casual friends. it is very private and really not our story to tell, it is our childs story.

[bumblebeeskies]

Many of you have responded quite harshly, to what Stormster posted. I did not get from her post, any generalizations. She didn't say, "all, many, most", etc. She was posting about ONE situation that she knows of. It seems like, that she was thinking in the Dr. Phil mentality, of "those who hide nothing, have nothing to hide", and wanted to know other's opinions on it. We have all encountered situations, where things seem to be shady. Stormster was not talking about the aparents changing the subject when confronted with nosey questions, like how much did it cost, or how much bmom expenses were. It isn't normal for aparents to not want to talk about their adoption at all. Imagine a pbmom meeting with a couple wanting to adopt, who offer her a better place to live, a safer car, paid rent/utilities, etc., all in the pretense of the couple simply wanting pbmom to have these things because it is better for the child. How many pbmoms, do you think would turn that down?

The rich have been known to throw their money/weight around, in many situations in life. Some play the rich card, and some don't. With celebs adoptiong, I have no doubt, that their adoption process is much quicker, than a normal income couple. You have to remember, that most adoptions today, are at least semi-open. Pbmoms are often handed a stack of "dear birthmom" letters, where the couples/people wanting to adopt, have included their picture. I think a lot of pbmoms would see their child being adopted by a celebrity, as an awesome opportunity, and that their child will have everything. If a girl was handed a stack of profiles, and Oprah happened to be one of them, who do you think a girl would probably pick?-Oprah, who has everything, or Jim and Debbie Middleclass? BTW I am an adoptee, and do feel that we are all "purchased" in one way or another. If we weren't, more people would be adopting, as they would be able to afford it.

[akcskye]

I'm sorry, but Stormster was just here venting, I think...

Why, even when we vent, do any of us have to become victims of the "you're generalizing" or "not everyone does this", when we all know full well that the person isn't thinking of generalizing, and even if they are, we know the opposite (about whatever the generalization is) to be true?

BTW: I took her original post as in wondering why the avoidance of a subject that most people gladly share all of the details about, raising a red flag.

I have no problem, including discussing cost (foster to adopt) of our situation in hopes to help people going down the same path, so it seems to me, if they did not want to discuss it, rather than change the topic, they should just say "well, it's not important now, we have our beautiful child(ren)"...KWIM?

[bajj]

Originally Posted by Honesty76

Our adoptions have also been looked upon as "mysterious" because we have adopted five children in exactly five years (to the day) and the longest wait we ever had was about 6 weeks. We do not have tons of money, nor did we throw money in many directions. and we ABSOLUTELY did nothing unethical/illegal. We get a lot of questions from people wondering how we could afford 5 adoptions so quickly and where we "found" 5 babies to adopt in such short amount of time. To me I have nothing to explain. This was not MY plan but THE plan and that is what I believe. We did a lot of research on agencies and funding before we ever applied. After the first adoption we got the adoption tax credit and put that away in a seperate account for the next. We continued to recycle that way for each, so in our eyes we really only paid for the first adoption. There is a right family for each situation... when that situation comes around- things just sort of fall into place. Please do not judge unless you have the full story- and most aparents don't share the whole story as that is not theirs to share. This coming from one of those "mysterious" adoptive families.

I think that is so cool that you were able to adopt 5 children in 5 years. How awesome is that? Congratulations on your kiddos, and you don't owe any of us an explanation on your situation. I hope to post someday that I've adopted 5, although I'm still talking to dh about trying for #3!

[taramayrn]

If a girl was handed a stack of profiles, and Oprah happened to be one of them, who do you think a girl would probably pick?-Oprah, who has everything, or Jim and Debbie Middleclass?

I am sorry, but that isn't fair. You assume most pbmoms pick couples who are rich. Sure, lots of times financial security is something pbmoms look for in a couple, but that doesn't mean they have to be rich. When I was chosing a family for my son, I wanted someone who could afford to have a stay at home parent, but that was just one part of the selection process....I also looked at who could provide emotionally, etc for my child. If I were the pbmom in your situation who had "Oprah's" information in front of me (you assume I would pick her). Well no I wouldn't....she is too committed to her job, etc. So no I wouldn't pick her because she was a celebrity. Would I want my child in the public eye? Nope.
Please don't minimize the process and heartache a pbmom goes through in selecting a family for her child.

[bajj]

Originally Posted by 2manyks

we are probably a mystery too. we already have 11 children and are awaiting the birth of our 12th. people dont say it to me, but they say it to my friends & family, looking for our secret. they want to know how come we "get" so many when they can't 'find' one. 'it's not fair'. 'how did they get that baby so easy' and one of my favorites, 'why do they get a 'normal' baby, they should only take special needs because they already have so many 'normal' kids. as if special needs is second place or saving the healthy children for a more deserving family. i've heard it all and i am insulted by it. we do everything right, legal and ethical. we just don't talk a lot about it, especially to the casual friends. it is very private and really not our story to tell, it is our childs story.

WOW! Congratulations to you! 12 kids...what a wonderful blessing for your family!

[Oliver1]

This is kinda off topic (?) but i find it surprising that when it's a celebrity, many of us jump all over the "unfairness" of it all and question their motivations for adopting, how they did it, why, etc. (Madonna, Sharon Stone, Meg Ryan, Angelina Jolie, Calista Flockhart, Rosie O'Donnell). Not saying anyone here has jumped all over the topics, but I have seen many many MANY threads about it. However, it would seem to me that this thread points out very good reasons why these people should not be accountable to ANYONE. Adoption is private and personal. Whether you are in the public eye or not. So I am wondering why all the fuss over Madonna, Angelina, and the rest over the years?

[mommamarci]

Originally Posted by Oliver1

This is kinda off topic (?) but i find it surprising that when it's a celebrity, many of us jump all over the "unfairness" of it all and question their motivations for adopting, how they did it, why, etc. (Madonna, Sharon Stone, Meg Ryan, Angelina Jolie, Calista Flockhart, Rosie O'Donnell). Not saying anyone here has jumped all over the topics, but I have seen many many MANY threads about it. However, it would seem to me that this thread points out very good reasons why these people should not be accountable to ANYONE. Adoption is private and personal. Whether you are in the public eye or not. So I am wondering why all the fuss over Madonna, Angelina, and the rest over the years?

Going along with this, we do not know what the process was the celebrities went through. When we brought our son home, we had tons of people make comments and ask how we did it. We had not shared with casual aquaintances that we were pursuing adoption, so they assumed it was spur of the moment and super quick. I got so tired of being asked how I got a newborn and how it happened so quickly, when we had actually been working on it for several months. The celebrities probably went through every step the rest of us did, they just did not make it public knowledge until the babe was in their arms. Lots of people choose this route to avoid prying questions. I know I did.