[Stormster]

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting. We are trying the private adoption route ...advertising etc. and are entering our fifth month. I do believe we will eventually find our child but we are in a very difficult situation with a birth mother who pursued adoption before letting the boyfriend know. So after getting so close, getting to know the family (she lives with her Grandparents and doesn't work but they do), loving the family, the birth mother is a beautiful sweet girl (who has an 8 month old and is due late January) and getting picked to adopt the child....the father who has been in and out of jail, is 29 and has no means of support, but does have contact with the other baby though he doesn't pay child support....is vetoing the whole thing! There is still a tiny bit of hope that someone will talk some sense into him but I don't think so...We worked so hard, drove so far to meet them, spent the day (our consultant said it's unusual but said it's fine because they live in the next state and it might work out) The Aunt calls me every day with updates etc...our profile isn't online yet so when they asked for the profile i stayed up all night making one which was literally a piece of our heart and overnighted it etc. etc. I'm sure this is not a lot to some of you but it was intense and I got excited. And now I wish my lawyer and consultant would say forget it but all they say is keep at it and if it works out great. But i'm attached to THIS situation and feel so connected ....I don't know if I could put so much into it again! Any words of hope and support would be greatly appreciated. I feel hopeless and disappointed. Thanks,Gwenn PS My consultant said it' snot over until the baby is born! But it's 72 hours in their state so do we wait while the child is at home??? Will they ever give up a baby once they've taken her home? This a very difficult situation.

[Leigh131313]

Oh it's a rough ride, thats for sure.

We had two failed matches and it truly tears out a piece of your soul.

The one thing I can offer you, is that it IS worth it in the end.


If you don't put yourself out there, you will never adopt a child.....If you DO put yourself out there, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.

[maviskat]

Gwenn,
One thing I have learned while waiting to adopt is just how strong I really am. We have waited two years to adopt. This summer we were finally matched, after getting to know the birthparents and going to the sonogram, etc., our match failed. They decided to parent.
I didn't know if I could it again....but 2 weeks later our agency called and said a couple chose our portfolio. We have gotten to know this young couple very well and truly like them and look forward to an open adoption. The last two weeks though have been very hard because she is due any day and they have not been responding to repeated calls from us and our agency. Sad, depressed, crying,.....you bet....I had had it!!!
And what happens....our birthmother calls tonight and apologizes for not calling back...she wants to continue with the adoption plans and wants us at her doctor appt tomorrow. Will this be it for us? We don't know. If it fails, I know I will hurt but I know I will survive and continue on our journey.
It is a roller coaster. This journey has been extreme ups and extreme downs. But I hold on to the thought that I have heard from so many others here: it is not if I find my child, but when.
Hang in there...you are stronger than you think!!!!
Good luck!
Kathy

[mod]

Hang in there Gwenn. Yes, unfortunately there is always a chance that this situation won't work out, BUT even if it doesn't another one will eventually and it will all be worth it in the end. Please keep the faith, I will be sending you positive prayers.

P.S. you should post more, it really helps you keep your sanity

[Stormster]

Thanks guys. Tell me this isn't like dating: getting all excited, putting your best self forward, waiting to see if you are accepted or rejected, waiting for the guy to call...my particular situation feels like a guy who tells me he's not married AFTER I fall in love and strings me along! LOL Just thought I'd make myself smile with a little analogy.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by gwennspeak

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting. We are trying the private adoption route ...advertising etc. and are entering our fifth month. I do believe we will eventually find our child but we are in a very difficult situation with a birth mother who pursued adoption before letting the boyfriend know. So after getting so close, getting to know the family (she lives with her Grandparents and doesn't work but they do), loving the family, the birth mother is a beautiful sweet girl (who has an 8 month old and is due late January) and getting picked to adopt the child....the father who has been in and out of jail, is 29 and has no means of support, but does have contact with the other baby though he doesn't pay child support....is vetoing the whole thing! There is still a tiny bit of hope that someone will talk some sense into him but I don't think so...We worked so hard, drove so far to meet them, spent the day (our consultant said it's unusual but said it's fine because they live in the next state and it might work out) The Aunt calls me every day with updates etc...our profile isn't online yet so when they asked for the profile i stayed up all night making one which was literally a piece of our heart and overnighted it etc. etc. I'm sure this is not a lot to some of you but it was intense and I got excited. And now I wish my lawyer and consultant would say forget it but all they say is keep at it and if it works out great. But i'm attached to THIS situation and feel so connected ....I don't know if I could put so much into it again! Any words of hope and support would be greatly appreciated. I feel hopeless and disappointed. Thanks,Gwenn PS My consultant said it' snot over until the baby is born! But it's 72 hours in their state so do we wait while the child is at home??? Will they ever give up a baby once they've taken her home? This a very difficult situation.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart. That is the bottom line. Sometimes all you can do is hang on and hope as much as you can, knowing things may not work out this time but they will the next.

Your consultant is right... the decision will not be completely made until after the babe is born. And as I look at it, I would never, ever want the first mother of my kids to think they weren't given enough time and space to make their decisions. It that means that babe would go home with them for awhile then so be it. I'm not sure how much I would have hoped things would work out if they would have, but that's just the way it is. We were quite certain that the placement of our son would not happen on the second day. In fact, like you, his first mother was already parenting another beautiful little boy and I could not imagine that we would, in the end, choose to place. But she did. Those days weren't easy, but I am grateful for them as she was able to make the decision SHE needed to.

I think you will be amazed how resilient you are in the end. I could not believe as time marched on in our wait for our family how much I could keep hoping and when something didn't work out, how soon I was able to suck it up, get back on and try again... one day at a time... you can do this...