[danielle222]

I am so upset not for me but for my son his ** called and told me that his bd was on americas most wanted for rape, it also ended up that most of the information that we had about him was wrong including the spelling of his name, His ** said that she is glad that he doesn't have to grow up with a dad like that but I know that one day he will find out and i don't want to think that makes him a bad person too. help

[kelceesmom]

I don't see why that would make him a bad person too? I do believe that one day this child (if he is a child) will find out and believe honesty is the best policy. When the time is right he should be told some, but not all, about his father. Better to hear it from you than someone else. Good luck in your journey.

[DebCsMom]

I see how this upsets you. Our 6 year old DD's BDad is also a very bad criminal. He was recently released from prison, this time, for armed robbery & attempted murder. The last time he was in prison was for sexual assault & raping his step sister. I HEARD he was arrested very recently for dealing drugs.

This doesn't upset me that our DD will ALSO follow this pattern, it makes me sad that one day we will have to expalin it to her. Right now we have told her that he made some bad choices & is in jail.

GOOD LUCK!!

Deb

[danielle222]

thanks so much for your support

[2manyks]

my kids bdad is also in prison. they know it cause thats where he was when they were removed from their home. its tough. for them, at first they didnt know it was a bad thing cause they had lived with it most of their life. they are now learning that being in prison is not the norm and they are trying to understand that. it does make them feel bad. your child will feel fine cause he is getting a good start with a good mommy who he will attach to!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Just a note that the initials B and M are astericked out because of the medical terminology that the abbreviation is associated with.

[Scarlett_A.]

My son (who, btw, the court has just ordered re-unification for me-was previously in an "adoptive" arrangement), anyway, his father has a long history of criminal activity. Someone once gave me some very wise words, which I choose to remember when I am having a difficult time with it: "It is never the fault of the child. Children are innocent." (and I know you definitely were not implying that your child was anything but innocent), but as an extension of that, it is something we need to remind our child.......even the bible says we should not suffer for the sins of our fathers (not that I'm much of a bible thumper).

I feel very firmly that no matter how I feel about his dad, I will never say anything negative regarding his father to my son. I also believe that honesty is the best policy. In his case I feel like an appropriate response/address to my son will be something along the lines of, "Your father is a good person who has tried really hard but has made some mistakes along the way. He cares about you a lot." KWIM? I have seen it with my friend's son, his dad was a........not so great person, but kids don't see things like that when they're little. He has always loved his dad, and wanted to be around him (and the guy is also a criminal), but as he has matured into (now) an adult, he has also begun to see for himself the forest for the trees. He loves his dad regardless, but also sees that his father's mistakes are not footsteps he wants to follow in, and separates himself from the parts of his dad that he does not appreciate. That has all come about because of tremendous support from his mom, who has been his rock and who he knows he can rely on.

Good luck, it will all work out, try not to fret about it too much. I definitely feel, though, that beginning with honesty is important........it will be much less devastating for him later on.

[lonni]

Scarlett,congratulations on reunification!!

[lonni]

My Dad was in federal prison and has done many, many things.
He was out of prison when I met him.
Some of my sibs were afraid to reunite with him present,so I had several mini reunions when I found my large family.He married 3 times with several children.
I never felt his bad choices ran through my bloodline.I have led a crime FREE life for 48 years;~)) I also was not wounded by the fact of his life style.jmo ;~))

[lonni]

Originally Posted by danielle222

I am so upset not for me but for my son his ** called and told me that his bd was on americas most wanted for rape, it also ended up that most of the information that we had about him was wrong including the spelling of his name, His ** said that she is glad that he doesn't have to grow up with a dad like that but I know that one day he will find out and i don't want to think that makes him a bad person too. help

I posted earlier,but wanted to add that I was 24 when I met my Dad.I was not told about his past until then.So I did not grow up knowing.