[mumofone]

1) That it isn't appropriate to speak negatively about my children's parents and ask very inappropriate questions about them.

2) That my children are "my children". I may not have given birth to them, but I love them just the same.

3) Just because we may complain that some days are harder than others, we don't need to here, "but this is what you wanted". Those with bio children have bad days too.

[loveajax]

1. Adoptive parents are not predators waiting to "scoop up" babies from coerced birth parents.

2. My child's birth parents have always loved her and will always love her and I am HAPPY about that. I don't "have to deal with them," I want to.

3. My DD is not a fertility treatment. I did not adopt her to get pregnant. And she is not a consolation prize. She is simply my daughter and the love and light of my life.

(Can I add 18 more...haha!!)

[heartbeat]

I'm an adoptee and love all of your answers!

1. they're my parents, period. Even if someday I find my birthfamily (I have) they're still my parents. I have a lifetime of memories with them, good and bad, just like you.

2. adoption isn't a "settling for". It's simply another way of making a family.

3. we want to educate...ask if you don't know and want to. I'd rather be offended by your question and educate you than have you go away with false assumptions you've made simply because no one's told you differently.

heartbeat

[musemoon]

My child is not "white" nor "healthy" but she is perfect.

I did not save her, she and I were given to each other. And "no" I don't want any birth children. I have her. I couldn't love another person more. (but I can and will love another adopted child....differently, but with the same....um...love :-)

Her birth mother is not a drug addict but her first mother, and I am always going to be thankful to her for giving birth to the most wonderful person on the planet.

[mommy3]

First, that I am my children's real mother. Period. They are lucky to have two mothers who love them -- the one who lovingly gave birth to them and the one who became their mother at birth, me. I am comfortable sharing the name of mother.

Secondly, that our children's birthfamilies love them dearly and that is WHY they chose to place them with us.

Thirdly, that open adoption became our first choice, on purpose, because we love our childen's birthfamilies and we want our relationships with them to be open and part of our extended family.

I've loved reading the other comments on this thread -- thank you! -- susan

[hml1976]

1. That my daughter is my real daughter, my own daughter and I love her as much as you love your birth children

2. That adoption is not a second choice or second best, its just a different way to form a family. Please don't assume I'm mourning infertility or just dying to have a biological child.

3. That I did not buy my child and (sort of a part B) that one kind of adoption is not any better or worse than another kind. I think its really great that you adopted from China or Illinois, my daughter happened to be in Kazakhstan, isn't adoption wonderful? And YES, she's very healthy (sorry couldn't resist).

[mommy3]

Mumofone -- I have to (HAVE TO) post a huge YES to your three statements. I just had a conversation with another adoptive mom about all three of these issues. I'm 100% with you! susan

[hml1976]

Yikes, I wrote my post before reading through everyone's, my "healthy" comment wasn't directed at you Mumofone, rather at the comments I get from people who assume my daughter is unhealthy because she was adopted internationally. I apparently waited too long and can't edit my post, I'm sorry if it came off badly.

[mom2justynsarah]

3. Please don't tell me what a great thing I've done. Yes, I did decide to adopt in part to parent a child who might otherwise not have had any, but no, it is not ultimately an altruistic thing I did. I kept this child for MYSELF, so that I could parent again, which was a very selfish act.[/quote]

I hear that all the time. But my answer is always the same. I have not done such a "great thing." Please don't put me on a pedastal. I adopted for no other reason than to parent again. I love being a mom and I WANTED a second child.

Also, please don't tell me how lucky my daughter is to have us. WE are the lucky ones! WE have been blessed with two miracle children!

[kakuehl]

1. Not all birth mothers are young teens, uneducated, or on drugs.

2. I always have and always will love my birth son.

3. His adoptive parents are his PARENTS and always will be.

[danhanan]

I think everything has been covered, but even though it's all been said, I still want to express my three:

1) the love and the bond are NO different whether by birth or adoption (I know...I have both)

2) don't tell me and don't EVER tell my daughter how lucky she is .... we are all lucky to have our family complete

3) adoption is NOT the easy way out .... childbirth is the result of hours of physical labor, adoption is the result of months and months of emotional labor

[entropy]

Don't ask how much it cost to adopt! (unless you are going to go thru the process yourself) its intrusive and rude.

[akcskye]

Great post.

Okay...from my end...an adoptive parent from the foster care system...I would like to have others realize:

1. There is no "financial gain" or "big money" in foster care OR adoption from foster care.
2. ALL children have emotional ties to their past. Are you ready to spend nights up talking to your child about their birth parents and willing to acknowledge they will FOREVER be a part of your child?
3. READ AND READ AND READ and make sure you are completely prepared AND 100% COMMITTED to adopting a child from foster care, especially if they are older. The more disruptions a child has in their lives, the worse their lives become.

Just my .02

Originally Posted by Leigh131313

Seeing as November is National Adoption Month, this topic seems particularly relevant.

This is for ANY side of the triad.

What 3 things would you want others to know most about adoption?


1- I do not love my child any less because he is adopted
2- I am a REAL mom
3- Adoption is not an "easy way out" We have our own struggles and pain.

[ChristieS]

My three:

1. I LOVE my son as much as any parent ever could - whether I birthed him or not.

2. Adoption nightmares DO happen and birthparents CAN come back - again and again - and the pain is indescribable.

3. I would do it again in a minute - but would educate myself MUCH more. My son IS worth it.

Have to add one more - it is so wonderful that I would have adopted another already if I could ever get this one completed (4 1/2 years and still in court - I certainly can't go through that again, financially or emotionally). But yes, I wish I could adopt another, and another, and another.

Love is forever...

[sadiegirl]

Don't really have much to add but have to share a conversation I just had with SIL last night.

We just finalized on DS (after a long contested adoption, no less) and she asked if we were ready for #2. Then proceeded to tell me that we should foster b/c it's "such an EASY WAY to get a newborn". That "none of these parents want them". And that it's "free or almost no fees whatsoever".

OMG, I was speechless. I am guessing her 5 pgy's/children have FINALLY gotten to her. I feel she should know better considering her 2 brothers (one is my DH) were adopted.

Does anyone else ever feel like someone needs SO MUCH adoption education, it ain't even worth it?