[bajj]

I just need to vent a little. This is NOT geared toward anyone on this site, so please don't take offense. I am not trying to offend, I am trying to vent.

When I was in college studying Early Childhood Education, one thing we learned is that kids are kids first and foremost and their disabilities are second.

I want to say the same thing about families who build their family through adoption.

WE ARE FAMILIES FIRST AND FOREMOST!!!! Yes, some of us build our families through adoption. I know adoption is complex and has loss and gain and pain for all involved. I do get that, please believe me when I say I do.

I am just so sick and tired of whenever I need to vent or just need a break of hearing, "this is what you always wanted!" Well, yes, and I am more thankful than most people will ever know. Yes, I wanted to be a Mother and I worked hard and went through a lot to be able to wear that title, and I wear it proudly. It is my full time job and I love it so much. Does it make me a bad mother because like ANY mother (bio or adoptive) I sometimes have bad days? Does it make me a bad mother because sometimes I just want to scream right along with my kids??

Am I a bad mother because I sometimes actually admit that my little precious darlings are getting on my nerves that second? It's not like they get on my nerves all the time. I mean, goodness people, don't all parents have that from time to time? We are all human after all and kids will be kids!

I don't expect my kids to sit quietly and never make a peep. Quite contrary, I live in quite a lively, loud, boisterous house and wouldn't trade my family for any thing. I do crave quietness and solitude from time to time. Usually, about 5 minutes, 15 at the most, and I am missing my kids so much.

Am I a bad mother because I send my youngest son to Mother's Day Out once a week? I don't think so! I know tons of Mothers who do that!

I read entries of people who talk about their bio kids and the trials they go through. I go through all the same things, so why does this one person keep telling me over and over again, "this is what you wanted."

Yes it's what I wanted and I PRAISE THE LORD I HAVE IT!

Sorry to vent everyone. I just thought it might be better than pulling my hair out.

I am going to go take my beautiful children trick or treating now. Watch out, Darth Vader and a blue crayon on on the loose!

[crick]

you are obviously talking to the wrong people! LOL!

You show me a parent (bio/adoptive) that doesn't ever need a break from their kids or never has a bad day etc., and I'll show you my magic marker that makes me guacamole on demand!

And anyone who says they don't have these days...they are lying! LOL!

[Fran27]

Besides, the 'that's what you wanted' applies to biological parents too, so I can see how it would really get one someone's nerves...

[kelceesmom]

Bajj, it is so frustrating. I think some people think that because we did what we did to make our family grow that we are not human. I would like to know if they complain or not and then get to say "well, you had them!" It doesn't matter how our families were fulfilled we are all just human beings.

[dragonfly1234]

Bajj,

We all have days that we want to run away from home. But I would never change having my children in our lives.

Thank you for expressing what we all feel at times.

Michelle

[joskids]

Many of my friends are also adoptive mothers and we have all heard that comment "this is what you wanted" at some point in parenting our children. And it is a pet peeve for all of us. I agree that people think because you ELECTED adoption (instead of what, NOT ELECTING TO GET PREGNANT?), you should keep your mouth shut and count your wonderful blessings. OK. I count them. Daily. But there are some moments on an occasional day (ok, sometimes MORE than occasional) that I want to scream and pull my hair out. I've also raised birth children so let me just say this. I remember when my oldest son was about 3, driving me nuts, and I called a counselor about how I was feeling, afraid that I was different than any other mother to feel anger at a 3 year old. And he said "there isn't a mother around who, at one time or another, hasn't wanted to throw her child out of a 10 story window." AMEN. Some of us admit it. Others deny. I'm with you, girl! If I hear "this is what you wanted" one more time, I'm going to lose it. Go ahead and vent. We all get it!!!!

Josie

[teranga]

When I read this, I just wondered if there is a reason you are thinking they said this b/c you adopted. Is it possible they would have said this if your children were biological? I'm just not clear what, from their comment, makes you think it's an adoption-related comment.

When I had my first child, who is bio, and I was having a rough time with her colic, my husband said the very same thing to me. "This is what you wanted." I could have screamed, but it wasn't related to bio/adopted. It was just an insensitive remark!

Just a thought.
Teranga

[Linny]

Boy, I hear ya!!!!!!! I've heard this SOOOO many times, and frankly, I'm thrilled you posted about it, cause it makes me want to scream when people say this to me.
Another one: "....and you want MORE????" Don't even ask me what I want to say when someone says that to me! Of course I want more children........but apparently, an adoptive momma has no right to express that she's had a tough day............like the poster above me said, I guess we're just supposed to shut our mouths, because we ELECTED to adopt (which we honestly did)....but of course, we can't just BE parents, can we!?!?!??!?!

Thanks again for posting this....

Sincerely,

Linny

[Vogi2002]

Okay...so I got a little depressed reading this because I ALREADY hear this from people!! "Why are you complaining about the cost/wait, you CHOSE to do this!?" or the "well noone is FORCING you to do this" or even the "Well what did you expect!?!"

I thought people magically learn to keep thier mouths shut after the baby GETS here! Ah crap...LOL


and for the record - I think ANYone who tries (but especically those who have gone through years and years and years) goes through this with the stupid comments. People are just stupid sometimes.

[bajj]

Thanks everyone for your replies!

teranga, I know it's about adoption because this is one of my closet friends and one time when I was in tears because yet again, I wasn't pregnant, she said, "just go buy a baby." I know, it's hard to believe she's a close friend. I have since talked to her about that comment!

We do need to all stand up and say it is time to , as Linny says, let us BE parents!

[Leigh131313]

What the heck are you talking about? What are these "bad" days you speak of? How can a tiny little child cause so much frustration...

as for me...

I LOVE it when...


My child tries to burn my house down with the toaster (ok, not his intent - but could have totally happened!!)

My child spits in my face and laughs

My child kicks me in the head when I'm buckling him in his car seat

When my child looks me dead in the eye, smiles....and then proceeds to PEE on my floor

My child has a temper tantrum and as I'm removing him from the situation, he kicks, screams, claws at my throat (yes I have a nice gash) and pulls my hair.

My child tells me I'm a "bad boy"




Yeah....FUN FUN frickety FUN!!!



Hugs to YOU!!!

[mumofone]

I hate hearing such comments.

When I am having a bad day, and the kiddos are acting up, I usually hear "and you want more?" Hello, none of our kids are perfect. Of course, I want more. It was a bad day....that's all.

[bajj]

Originally Posted by Runyan2002

Okay...so I got a little depressed reading this because I ALREADY hear this from people!! "Why are you complaining about the cost/wait, you CHOSE to do this!?" or the "well noone is FORCING you to do this" or even the "Well what did you expect!?!"

I thought people magically learn to keep thier mouths shut after the baby GETS here! Ah crap...LOL


and for the record - I think ANYone who tries (but especically those who have gone through years and years and years) goes through this with the stupid comments. People are just stupid sometimes.

LOL! Sorry to bust your bubble, but the comments keep coming! Most of the time I laugh at them, and sometimes, I have to vent. Yes, it is all worth it. When your child comes home, just know that it is perfectly OK to feel like ALL Mother's feel from time to time...frustrated, exhausted, pulling hair out (preferably your own), over worked and under paid!

The kids are worth every second of it. You do need to vent when you need to, though. Regardless of the fact that this is "what you wanted." You're only human and kids are very unpredictable.

[bajj]

Originally Posted by Leigh131313

What the heck are you talking about? What are these "bad" days you speak of? How can a tiny little child cause so much frustration...

as for me...

I LOVE it when...


My child tries to burn my house down with the toaster (ok, not his intent - but could have totally happened!!)

My child spits in my face and laughs

My child kicks me in the head when I'm buckling him in his car seat

When my child looks me dead in the eye, smiles....and then proceeds to PEE on my floor

My child has a temper tantrum and as I'm removing him from the situation, he kicks, screams, claws at my throat (yes I have a nice gash) and pulls my hair.

My child tells me I'm a "bad boy"




Yeah....FUN FUN frickety FUN!!!



Hugs to YOU!!!

ROFL!!!! Oh how true this all is! And what makes you a great Mom is you wouldn't trade him for anything in the world, even on days when you FEEL like you could!

[maxkinzie]

As my DD quickly approached 2 I've caught myself hesitating to express what I sometimes feel for these exact reasons!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for the reality check!

max