[poullafouca]

The birth Mommy that we have been matched with takes a low dose of Paxil, she has suffered from depression always, so has her father. Anybody got any experience with this? I am a bit worried, been just 'thinking positive' for a couple of months here, but perhaps I am being a bit blind. I would love any feedback, from anyone who has adopted from someone suffering from depression, (also the birth father has drug problems).

Poulla

[mom2GRLC]

Depression is one of those things that effects almost every human being at one point or another or it can be a constant battle. We have to consider that while genetics does play a big role in it so does environment and things that happen in ones life (either by their own choices or because of others).

I wouldn't fear depression or drug use in the birthparent and how that will effect the child that you raise in your home.

All of my children have birthparents with addictions to drugs/alchohol or both. Most of them suffer from depression, or bi-polar or paranoid schitzophrenia(sp) along with other physcological disorders.

Does that mean my children are going to grow up with those illnesses or addictions? NO. While I understand an aspect of that is genetic....i also belive their lifestyle, choices, drug use, and their own childhood has a big part of why they suffer with it so badly.

I would hope that my children growing up in a healthy environment, being brought up in the church and being taught values and responcibility and knowing the truth of why they came into fostercare (because of those addictions/choices etc) they would learn to make right choices and learn better ways to cope with things that happen in their life.

If my kids do end up struggling with depression or some other phsychological illness then we will be there for them, we will help them get the medicine or counceling that will help them.

Many of my kids birthfamily members do not seek medical help/medicine/counceling and leaving their condition untreated is part of the problem.

[EmmaLeigh2882]

I might not be the best person to answer since I don't know past history with our kids, but as someone who grew up around it... I am the youngest of three children-
My parents had depression at various times in their lives, and I grew up with and without it in their lives- my sister however is EXTREMELY depressed- to the point where she is on SSI and cannot care for herself at all! ( We have people taking care of her)
She was depressed very young and still is ( she is 30)
I personally would be very wary of it- because I PERSONALLY have a hard time with it... But that is my personality ( very up beat- stuck with people who weren't) and having to always adjust my life because of my family... and it can be hard as a child ( so if you have more then one child it might be hard on the non depression child- just as much as it would be on the depressed one)
My brother also suffers from it mildly and it doesn't completely interfere with his life...
but each personal can tolerate different problems- you might be just fine with it- IF this child ever gets it at all....
I think because depression can be as much medical as mental it could be genetic- but just because it COULD be doesn't mean it WOULD be...
Both my parents also died of cancer- does that mean I will? Maybe- maybe not- its life and life is a gamble at best...
You just have to know what you can or cannot handle and then gamble from there...
If you feel you can handle it, prepare for it- the earlier you get treatment the better off you can be...

[Fran27]

I've been depressed myself and as far as I know there is no history whatsoever of depression in my family. It's something that can happen to anyone, regarless of genes... It's one of those things for which I think nuture has a more important role than nature - and for hormons based depression, most of the time it can be controlled with pills.

I know that personally I would be ok with it, but I guess in the worst case it would be ok for me to have a depressed child, as I know what it's like.

Good luck in your decision.

[loveajax]

My DD's birth mom was on an antidepressant for the first trimester....I have suffered from depression in the past myself so it really wasn't a "road block" to me. I think many people suffer from depression at some point or another and while I am sure there are genetic links, etc., I don't think my depression was heredity, e.g. Also, frankly, when I learned of some of the things my DD's birth mom had endured, it wasn't surprising to me that she was depressed (and I found it a good sign that she was dealing with it).....

You may want to do some research re: whether there are any adverse effects of the andtidepressant though....GOOD LUCK!

[zxczxcasdasd]

My son's bmom was diagnosed with some fairly serious mental illness. We just always kept a very vigilant eye on him while growing, looking for signs that he might need treatment for. He's 17 now and he's fine. No mental health issues.

[Forever_family]

Personally this would not keep me from adopting a child either the mild depression or the drug use but this is your decision to make.

For what its worth some information on my family history of depression. Mild-severe depression seems to run on my mothers side of the family she's the oldest of 13 and only a few are affected with depression, one who has severe depression but we feel it goes back a few generations. My mom takes an antidepressant but did not start until after the death of her son, my brother. Sometimes life triggers depression or people are just more prone to it and a tragic life event causes a depressive episode. My mom was never "depressed" in the sense that one would think of, just lacking her normal zest for life and unable to get it back despite years of dealing with her greif through healthy channels. Greif, tragic events, hormones, lack of sunlight (so much more) can trigger mild depressive episodes in very normal and active people. I am currently taking a low dose of antidepressants, I feel my mild depression was brought on by our move to upstate NY where the sun doesn't shine much, basically I lost my "zest" didn't feel like myself...usually that is what a low dose of anti-depressants are prescribed for. I live a very upbeat and normal life. I am severly paranoid that this will prevent us somehow from adopting...but hey, got to be honest with myself and potential birth parents..sorry to get off subject. My mom lives a very fulfilled life. One of my aunts has severe depression but through medication she lives a "normal" life, one would never know from the outside that she has any issues BECAUSE she has dealt with this in an unashamed, treat the symptom sort of way. I have 2 daughters by birth who are the most "normal" exceptional children I know. No signs of any depression!

Hope this helps.

L

[mumofone]

A friend of mine was on Paxil throughout her pregnancy, and her baby was just fine.

[Brat]

I wouldn't worry about it, but be glad that you were informed and will know what to look for as the child gets older. One can't predict depression. Your biological child could have it, with no family history, and you'd do all you could to support and make sure s/he had the proper care. So, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't let it worry me.

My dad is 75 and was recently diagnosed with depression. He seems quite normal to me, and is fully functioning. He was placed on meds, and I see no difference between who he was before he started taking them. My dad is an active person who enjoys life.

My sister also went through depression, starting at around age 30. She dealt with it by drinking excessively, which triggered even deeper depression, and became an alcoholic. She died at age 41 of acute alcohol poisoning after a particularly bad binge. She'd never taken meds to treat her depression, and I wonder if she'd still be with us if she had.

I have three brothers and none of us show symptoms of depression, mild or clinical. I was sad when we were waiting to become parents, but that all went away.
After what we have witnessed in our family, I am sure that if anyone else in my family saw symptoms of depression, we would get the treatment we need. It's a quality of life issue that you have to work to resolve.

[Leigh131313]

add me to the people who wouldn't be worried.

You could receive a child from a birthfamily with NO history or mental or drug issues and your still your child could have issues....I think there is much more to it than genetics, ya know?

I hope you can find peace with your decision, whatever that may be.

[Poleczech]

Another thing to keep in mind is that there are many forms of depression, and most of us experience some form of depression in our lives. Sometimes we can get through a bout quickly by ourselves, other times we need help, either through therapy, antidepressants, or both. Depression is a very treatable form of mental illness, and most people live normal lives and are diagosed as depressed. If you are very worried, I would check with you doctor or local mental health clinic.

[court5505]

I'm willing to bet that there is at least one person struggling with depression in every family. I know that it exists in my own family, so if I would have had a biological child, he/she could would have a family history of it. It would not influence my decision to adopt, but that is just me.

[DebCsMom]

Not to be the bad guy, but I want to add something. When we were matched wit our 4 year old daughter we were told there was a strong history of severe depression in the Birth Mother's family. We weren't worried about it. This was something we could handle.

Well, now our daughter is 4 years old. She has Early Onset Bipolar. This is a genetic illness. It turns out that the "Severe Depression" in the Birth Mom's family turns out to be undiagnosed Bipolar. Birth Mom's brother had been disowned by the family due to his behavior. We were told he suffered from severe depression & had very odd behavior at other times. Those times of "odd behavior" was actually his Manic states.

We are working VERY hard to get our daughter stable. It has been extremely challenging & stressful. EXHAUSTING most of the time with the energy it takes to keep her safe. Our insurance company has dropped her & we can't get disability for her. SSI Disability told us she isn't "severely marked functionally"!!!!!!!! Her prescriptions ALONE cost us almost $900 a month. Then she has monthly Physchiatrist, Therapist & Physcholgist visits. She sees the Nueorologist every couple of months & the Cardiologist every couple of months. She also has an enlarged heart. We recently found this out in Spring.

Would I do it all over again had we known the depression was actually Bipolar??? I don't know. But I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world! We will fight to the end to make sure she is stable & has the best possible life we can give her!! If that means going bankrupt to do it, we will!!

Deb

[poullafouca]

Thank everyone, I do understand how common depression is, I suffered from it myself for the first an only time when I found out that I was infertile. It didn't last very long, about three months on and off. I felt like a vulture was sitting on my chest. It was distinctly different to feeling deeply unhappy which I have also had my share of.

Your responses helped me to realize that although depression isn't great, it is a manageable thing. I think I am more fearful of complete mental instability, schizophrenia, that sort of thing.

Meanwhile our poor potential birth mommy cannot sleep, she got two hours last night, is nauseous all the time, and is fed up.

Poulla