[CalandraLark]

I love the idea of Gotcha days, but since I will probably end up with both adoptive and bio children I was wondering if anyone had any experiences to share about how bio children, particularly if they're not too far apart in age from the adoptive children, react to their siblings "extra birthday".

[SingleMama2B]

Hi CalandraLark.....

I adopted my daughter as a single Mama to only her. BUT, my sister and BIL adopted 3 weeks after I did. They have a 16 and 12 year old at home too. THe way they handle it is..... The "Gotcha Day" is ACTUALLY their FAMILY DAY..... The day that their Family became Larger, and is celebrated by ALL!!! THey usually go out to dinner and something else... movie, shopping, etc. It has NEVER been a problem with them, and they look forward to it!!

Blessings......................

[karaleah]

Originally Posted by CalandraLark

I love the idea of Gotcha days, but since I will probably end up with both adoptive and bio children I was wondering if anyone had any experiences to share about how bio children, particularly if they're not too far apart in age from the adoptive children, react to their siblings "extra birthday".

Well, here's how we're solving the problem.....

We've celebrated 2 gotcha days for our 3 yo (home at 6 mo) but I'm ready and willing to scrap it. It just seems unnecessary to me. And we do have a bio daughter 15 mo. younger, so what... are we going to celebrate "conception day" too? Birthdays are when both DD's are princesses for the day and we celebrate their lives.

I respect that others feel differently, it's just my .02.

[loveajax]

My DH and his sibs were adopted (at various ages, but not right at birth) and had "gotcha" days...he said they were fun when he was a kid, but felt a little "weird" later on.....I have heard other adoptees say that they didn't like "gotcha days." I thought about having a "special" day to celebrate the finalization of DD's adoption, but I decided to scrap that too.....I DO like the thought of that FAMILY day, though...great idea!

[tyiakoum]

Personally I like the "Family Day" vs. the "Gotcha Day" just because the word "gotcha" connotates in my mind and that of my DH being kidnapped or taken away from something.

That's a great idea, about the "family day."

[KarynB]

We have a bio DD and an adopted DS - and we do like poster above - celebrate family day. This is the day we all became a family of four. DD did ask about it once, but seemed satisfied with that answer! But, I also agree with karaleah - we keep it to a minimum, just talking about our family, and spending extra time together. I ALMOST got them each a small gift this year, then realized what sort of prescedent that was setting and quickly changed my mind.

But now once we get adopted child #2 - do we celebrate Family Day on same day as we do now, or move it to new day we become family of 5? Will that make DS feel displaced? sigh....

[ajjhmf]

We don't celebrate either Gotcha Day or Adoption Day in any big way. I know when they are and may make mention of that day to J. We also plan fun family things around that time to help him have positive memories of those times, but we don't go to the museum or amusement park for J. It's just another family day out.

We do celebrate birthdays for all our kids. J's adoption is what brought him ot our family and while it is part of our lives, we don't make a big deal out of it on any particular day. It's something we talk about, but don't 'mark' in anyway.

[loveajax]

Karyn, I think keeping with "tradition," you could change it to the day your family is a family of 5...I think there are ways to make DS excited about it too...maybe start talking to him about it sooner rather than later? GOOD luck with your next adoption.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by tyiakoum

Personally I like the "Family Day" vs. the "Gotcha Day" just because the word "gotcha" connotates in my mind and that of my DH being kidnapped or taken away from something.

That's a great idea, about the "family day."

I would tend to agree with this line of thinking. Munchkin's family doesn't celebrate any kind of gotcha day.

[rtsmom]

We don't celebrate Gotcha Days, but if we did it wouldn't involve presents, like a birthday, just a special family dinner at home and lots of love around the day our family grew a little more.

Janet

[Fran27]

I'm not planning on celebrating it at all. I read a while ago (was it in Adoptive Families?) about an adoptee who didn't like Gotcha Days because it made her feel different, and even if I feel that adoption can be a wonderful thing, I don't want to rub it in if my children end up having some problems with it (which I'm sure is the case at some point or another).

Plus I really hate the 'gotcha' part too.

[DCMomLady]

We will continue to celebrate Adoption Day as a way to remind Her Sweetness that her adoption means more to us than Christmas and all our birthdays combined! We honor the day she officially became part of our family through the miracle of adoption by having a family party with treats and gifts for all. Her Sweetness, so far, looks forward to Adoption Day because it's one of the "candy holidays" on our normally sugar-free calendar.

Of course, we have no sybling rivalry as Her Sweetness is an only child.

BTW, I can't stand "Gotcha", either.

[SchmennaLeigh]

So her adoption day is more important than the day she was born?

In my opinion, I find that a bit confusing. Excited about candy is one thing. (Aren't we all?) But placing the importance over the day she was born.. what's the message that we're sending. It's one thing to be super excited that your child entered your family and explain how IMPORTANT that is to you, as a family. But to say it's more important than the day she took air into her lungs... I don't know. I find it insulting.

[akcskye]

Oh no Schmenna, I don't agree at all.

A birthday is your entry into the world with your family.

An adoption day is your entry into the world with your adopted family.

Both signal new and special beginnings, and just because you took your first breaths on the day you were born doesn't mean that the adoption day holds any less significance.

By your analogy, we should also be celebrating death dates because that is when you take your last breaths...but I don't see anyone doing that.

NOT being argumentative or inflammatory, I just feel that was pretty harsh for someone who is obviously very proud to honor her child's adoption.

[rtsmom]

Do people who celebrate Gotcha Day celebrate the day their child came home to them, or the day the adoption was legally finalized?

Janet