[scdogs]

hi everyone,
Wow... it seems like just the other day I was writing in about how discouraged I was about this whole process. Well it finally happened- we just got matched last week. I am so excited and want to tell the world, and go shopping, etc. But on the other hand I know I need to take it easy because our bmom can always change her mind, up to and after the birth. It's almost like I need to prepare myself for the worst so I don't get hurt, but on the other hand I may be missing out on the really fun stuff. Any suggestions???? Has anyone been here before?
Thanks for your help

[ContactChar]

Congratulations on your match!

My advice? If it is at all possible for you to do it, allow yourself to feel your excitement. Yes, things could fall apart at any point, and believe me, I know how devastating that would be. But you can't protect yourself in advance from the hurt you would feel if that happened, even if you don't allow yourself to savor the process now. Most people have at least some area where they hold back(for example, I wouldn't allow anyone to buy me presents), but if you can will yourself to enjoy this time, just think of how much more sweet your memories will be down the line.

[Leigh131313]

I agree with Char.

No matter how much you guard yourself, if things fall through you may be devestated. Allowing yourself to enjoy what you can about this experience will not change those feelings.


Congratulations!!

[Linny]

I agree with the previous posters. Enjoy as much as you can. And, from the looks of your documentation, it would seem that you don't have a lot of time to anguish with the 'what if's'? This is good too.

You might consider starting a journal about all of this too. In this way, whether it works out or not, the memories will be 'there' for you to enjoy!

My best to you....

Linny

[sanielsen]

No words of advice, but I wanted to say congratulations!!!

-Sarah

[loveajax]

I agree with everyone else...and congratulations!!! Preparing for the birth of my DD was so turbuelnt (i.e, I knew we were having a girl (we were matched 5 weeks before birth) and I went out and bought all these adorable outfits (much to DH's chagrin!). We did finally decide after the match to decorate a nursery, but we did it in neutral colors...just in case. I also did not have a shower b/c I was just so dang afraid....Thankfully, it all worked out for us and we have DD....it takes a lot of "faith" to believe it will happen, but you have to prepare like it will....Good luck to you!

[srusse24]

Congratulations and enjoy this exciting time!

[Emster]

Congratulations! When we were chosen, our social worker said "Allow yourself to be happy, but remember things might change. Go home tonight and talk with hubby and seriously come up with a plan for what you will do and how you will proceed if this doesn't work. Take a half an hour to do that. Then put it away and celebrate! Oh, and go buy a car seat NOW!"

Best wishes for a smooth adoption!

[mznia504]

I am right there with you. Our baby boy is due on Nov 28!! At first we were VERY guarded especially since we had already had to failed matches. But then I realized that this is a happy occasion, so we should be celebrating! Sure we know that this could end with empty arms, but a pregnancy could do the same, as sad as that sounds. WE have to use this time to celebrate and prepare for our little one. Instead of keeping it a secret, we have told family. They too know that this may not end the way we hope it will, but the are all praying for us! I have even made a registry, but won't have the shower until after Jayden is home with us. We are almost done with the nursery and we are so glad we decided to do it before he comes home, because it is a lot of work and wouldn't be easy to do it with a newborn around

So basically, we are enjoying every second of it. And we will celebrate all the way to the end. The way I look at it is, if the Bmom decides in the end that she wants to parent, we knows its whats best for everyone involved. Keep the Faith and enjoy your few weeks remaining as a couple!

[poullafouca]

I felt exactly the same, and yes, it is entirely true that trying to emotionally preotect yourself makes no difference if things go wrong.
it's a scary and wonderful experience, looking back, I now realize that there is no way on earth that our birth mommy was going to change her mind, but I was so scared.
One thing I knew was tha whatever happened, we would become parents. I was resolute.

We did adopt a gorgeous baby boy, and God willing have a baby girl due in December.

much love

poulla

[tyiakoum]

congrats, sweetie. may this be the "true" match and that you and your family find nothing but joy.

[scdogs]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I feel a lot better. It is so hard because I don't know anyone who has gone through this, and that is why this forum is so great. All of my friends got pregnant at a drop of a hat. Anyway, I did go out yesterday and buy some things. We are adopting out of state, and I want to have a bunch of clothes if we are staying for a week or two and don't have access to laundry. My mom was upset with me... her concern is that I will have all of these things, and what if our bmom changes her mind? Then I will really get upset. She's right, but I do think we should be prepared, at least a little! I know we can get things in the state we are traveling to (and we will get the big things there), I just wanted some things! Thoughts? Thanks again