[sadiegirl]

Here's a little chink in the armor!

The biological father of the Malawian toddler Madonna plans to adopt has said that he was not clearly told that by allowing his only son to be adopted by the singer he was giving him up for good.

"Our understanding was that they [Madonna and British filmmaker, Guy Ritchie] would educate and take care of our son just as they were doing at the orphanage," said 32-year-old illiterate peasant farmer Yohane Banda tells Us in a telephone interview from Lipunga Village where he ekes out a living growing onions and tomatoes.

Banda said he was told by Penston Kilembe, Director of Child Welfare Services, and Rev. Thomson John Chiepta, Director of the Home Orphange Centre, (where Baby David spent most of his life) that, "when David grows up he will return back home to his village." According to him, he was never told "adoption" meant David would cease to be his son.

"If we were told that she wants to take the baby as her own we could we could not have consented because I see no reason why I should give away my son," Banda says.

Banda swore and signed adoption papers for the 13-month-old toddler in the High Court in the capital, Lilongwe, before Justice Andrew Nyirenda granted the celebrity couple a "temporary order" to take away the baby. He says he is illiterate and could not read the documents.

"Mr. Kilembe and the pastor explained to me that Madonna would take care of my son; I am just realizing now the meaning of adoption," he says. Banda also claims he has no copies of documents pertaining to the adoption itself.

"All the documents are with Mr. Kilembe," he insists.

Kilembe refused to comment on Sunday, saying he would only talk from his office on Monday.

But Banda's claims were corroborated by Banda's cousin, Wiseman Zimba and his mother, Asineti Mwale.

"Our understanding as family is that David is still part and parcel of our clan, " says Zimba. "After the good woman nurtures and educates him, he will return back."

"I look forward to telling my grandson how destitute he was after losing his mum at the tender age of three weeks, how we surrendered him to the oprhanage and how this good woman took him away," says Mwale.

The family does not want Baby David to be returned to the orphange, but want their position clarified.

"We are still thankful Madonna has rescued him from poverty and disease: we pray for the good Lord to keep blessing her for her benevolence," says Banda.

Madonna's Malawian lawyer Alan Chinula refused to comment, saying his clients have not given him fresh instructions. However, he does say the singer and her husband followed all the right adoption procedures.

Madonna, who came to Malawi on October 4 with husband, Guy Richie, spent eight days visiting six orphanges she is funding through her Raising Malawi, a charity she set up to aid her Malawi cause. She is also establishing her own Consol Homes for Oprhans and Under-Privilaged Children in Mphandula Village outside the capital city of Lilongwe. Her orphange plans to house 4,000 orphans and under-privileged children. (Taken from the oh-so-reliable US Magazine).

Now what?

[Brat]

Let's get this straight. I'm NO Madonna fan. She irks me, especially when she puts herself up, literally, on a cross, mocking Christ.

That said, I feel somewhat bad for her in this situation. This whole thing has been a disaster.

Perhaps she did circumvent the process to adopt a child sooner. The fact that the child would have a good home, with a better chance for a full, healthy life, trumped that aspect for me. The woman has given money to local orphanages and then opened her home for a lifetime commitment to loving a Malawi child. I have trouble finding fault.

I also didn't understand the criticism of adopting a child whose parent is alive. From what I have read, this was a referral, and she accepted it. How many people have intentionally chosen to adopt internationally because they do not want to deal with birthparents? Once she discovered that the father was alive, she could have simply declined the referral. But it sounds as though she moved forward because she and her husband immediately fell in love with that child, and if the father wanted them to raise him, they made themselves available. They didn't steal that baby.

Perhaps, just as she has given so much money to Malawi orphanages, she could have given money to the parent. But then I think, how many of us with the chance to adopt have decided, instead, to personally provide monthly child support to an impoverished birthparent? We don't, because we want to raise a child. Adoption is a part of our culture, so all parties understand what it means.

When I heard that, in hindsight, this father didn't completely understand adoption, it made sense to me. Adoption isn't a normalized aspect of the Malawi culture. It is, however, part of African culture for people to send their children elsewhere to be raised, but not officially adopted, by relatives in order to ensure their education. Here, I also don't fault Madonna. She doesn't speak the language.

But, here, once again, I feel a little sorry for her. Maybe if she wasn't a celebrity, she would have been able to stay in the country for 18 mos--or whatever the timeline is--and within that timeframe, the father would have had time to understand, fully, that his child was going to be raised, forever, permanently, by a new mother and father.

Or, maybe people who were so heck bent on her NOT adopting this child are paying him to say this. I don't know, and I'm rambling because I've got some other things to do besides talk about Madonna's woes. But that's my 2¢.

[BlessedBe]

This whole thing is just a huge mess. I'm truly not a Madonna fan either, but I do have to feel sympathetic to the situation she is in.

However, it seems Madonna may have missed any adoption counseling prior beginning the process of adopting David. If anyone saw her on Oprah on Wednesday, did you notice her poor adoption language and statement about domestic adoption where "generally birthmoms do not ever seen their children again"? ARGH!

Also, I have a problem with this thought from a previous poster:

Originally Posted by WhoKnew

I think that if Madonna adopted a child in need, that is a wonderful thing. But I have to wonder if, with her vast wealth, she considered another option. What is she had helped the father financially so he could raise his child, and she adopted another child who has no living parents? Just a thought.

That sounds all fine and good, but Madonna actually wanted to parent another child, this child needed a home, and adoption was option for her and his father. It would be like DH and I saying to DS and DD's birthmom - "oh you're having a difficult time in your life right now so instead of placing your child for adoption, let us help you financially so you can parent them." See how that's a problem - even if we were vastly wealthy too? Finances are not the only reason children are placed for adoption - there are many factors that go into birthparents making such a decision for their child's life.

My biggest fear at this point is that David is with Madonna and Guy for 18 months and then has to go back to his country due to legal issues. I shudder to think how that would affect him.

I'm watching to see how this works out for all involved.

[jillned]

Did she say they would have to go back to Malawi and finalize? I took as for the next 18 months they would have post-placement visits, just like we do here, and then the adoption would be finalized. I didn't know they would have to go back to Malawi.
And on another topic, I was watching CNN last night and they had an onterview with Dr Jane Larsen(I think that's her name). Anyway, the interviewer asked why, if there are so many children here in foster care waiting to be adopted, do people continually go overseas? This really bugs me. I have made inquiry after inquiry on adopt us kids and have gotten nowhere. Not to mention the myriad of reasons why some children should not be placed in our home purely for the safety of our children we already have. I say to these interviewers.......live a week in the adoption circle so you have a better grasp of what's going on.

[onelittleone]

Madona said herself that it is customary for the adoptive parent to live in Malawi for 18 months, but since it was impossible to leave her children and live in Malawi that David would live with her. She also said that there was no set adoption laws so they were making them up as they go. Does this now mean it is legal to do this? I am willing to adopt one from Malawi (anywhere infact) and they can come live in my home before the adoption because it is not possible to first leave my other 2 children and second be able to afford it. It is great that Celebs want to adopt, but I have to wonder if it is infact a fad. I read (probably a rumor) that Brittany Spears wants to adopt!! It makes me wonder.

[mumofone]

As long as everything is done properly, I see it as a positive thing.

Growing up within a loving family is far better than spending your life in an orphanage.

[Forever_family]

Okay, I have to comment on this whole Madonna thing. I personaly do not agree with Madonna's celebrity persona, her values, and the things she will do to gain attention...but do I know her as a parent?

I spent 2 years volunteering at an orphanage in a 3rd world county. Even the best orphanage are not a place any child should grow up in. I disagree with unethical adoption practices because they will limit future adoptions but it doesn't sound like she did anything that broke the law, it sounds as if she followed the process that was asked of her.

I'm sure this baby will get the love and nurturing in her home that he could not have at the orphanage. Many of the parents of the children I knew promised that one day they would come and get their child. I spoke with the "house mother" (of 25 years) who told me they are empty promises, cruel, and that it usually does not happen. I feel Madonna has a healthy realistic grasp on adoption and David's needs.

No child should grow up in an orphanage. I try to block out the images of when I said "goodbye" for the last time. Unless you have experienced it is hard to imagine. It is too painful to remember but it haunts me, those 24 angels I left behind chasing after my car screaming my name with their hands outstreched, that is my last memory.

I imagine Madonna saw far worse and wanted to do something, I totally support her adoption so long as it was legal and ethical and what she is doing for Orphans in Africa should be applauded.

[intladoptionblog]

I think it's important to mention that the die-hard anti-adoption people LOVE this sort of situation. With the media being total pinheads about adoption in general, the anti-crowd jumps in immediately with their garbage to hijack the story and set the agenda in a way that they hope will cast all adoption in a negative light.

There are many out there ... look to Austrialia for some of the most vociferous ... whose entire goal in life is to remove the option of adoption from the world.

It is vital that those supporting adoption, those of us who understand deeply the consequences, fight these nuts with everything we have and realize that the news we are getting has been manipulated to make adoption look evil, immoral, etc.

Remember this before swallowing news versions of events hook, line and sinker. People who would deny all children a loving adoptive family are hoping you'll take the bait.

[Lisasue]

Here is another two scents of thought!

I wonder why Madonna just didnt say No to any news coverage in this matter. I feel adoption is a very sensitive, and emotional time for everyone involved, and isnt a movie or music video for the world to watch. I feel bad for both the father and Madonna, because at times they were both made to look horrible. However, all it would have taken is for Madonna and Guy to say No!, if they can pay to have the whole adoption process changed from 18 months to less then a month( I thought i heard 3 days) then they could have stopped the media circus for the most part too, or at least not responded to any of the hype and demand of the media. I dont think any good for the adoption process in these countries came out of this.

Just my thought! Congrats however to Madonna for her little boy and to the father for his new extended family!

[Leigh131313]

I wonder why Madonna just didnt say No to any news coverage in this matter

As far as I know....you can't control what the news says. Because they are "news" they don't require anyone's permission to report.

She only came out this week ...and I'm pretty sure that was only because things have gone SO haywire regarding this manner.

Initially, as far as I can tell, she did not announce any part of this.

[intladoptionblog]

Say no to news coverage? You must be joking! Or very naive. They're like flies drawn to a rotting carcass and there's no way to keep them away.

I've just posted about this, how important it is for adoptive families to understand how media manipulation works, and how vital it is to know what we're up against before adoption is removed from the table completely as an option for children.

Please stop my my International Adoption Blog for a read. It's important.

[intladoptionblog]

Here's the link for the specific post mentioned:
International Adoption Blog - Madonna: a hijacking